Cougars Win!

The Cougars won their first game of the season last night, 14-10. We accomplished this feat a full two months earlier than last year. We also came out on top even though we played an all-around better game last week. There was one Cougar who played much better than in the opener (um, he was not feeling well because of his Fire Yoga) but we will get to that in a bit.

I was worried when I heard we were playing a Kenilworth team. Word circulating on the rumor mill is that despite the fact that Forbes recently had K-Town in a three way tie for richest zip code in America, Kenilworthians are fuming that Business Week ranked Wilmette as the seventh best place to raise children in the U.S and 60043 was nowhere to be found.

Those Business Week reporters must have come out to a Cougar game to make this determination because we have massive support. There had to be ten Cougar wives out there (just curious, is Cougar wives a redundant phrase?) and we had enough kids in attendance to start our own Cougar Kids Club. Also, I am not sure if the Hitmen have a Kangaroo Court, but if they do, then the two leaders of the Flynn family should be levied fines for Cougar cheering and postgame attendance.

Well, how did we do it this week? Last week it was our leadoff and two-hole hitters. Tuesday night it was our furry friends in the 10 and 11 spots. Melchiorre and Oxer were the spark of our lineup. Melchiorre had more shots last night than all of last season (this does not include his smooth Cinco de Mayo blue agave tequila during the postgame celebration). And Oxer, well, we will get to him later.

The third inning was our best inning ever played. We kept the line moving, swatted the ball with our metallic lumber, and batted around the order. We scored nine runs in that stretch. In our 2008 campaign, there were series of games where we would not score nine aggregate runs. There was euphoria in Cougar Nation last night. We played our type of game and sprinkled another five runs throughout the game.

Not too long after we scored the jersey number of Roy Hobbs, we somehow landed on the cube shaped planet known as Htrae, otherwise known as Bizarro World. This society is ruled by the Bizarro Code which states, "Us do opposite of all Earthly things!” Us hate beauty! Us love ugliness! Is big crime to make anything perfect on Bizarro World!" On planet Ragouc, our code is “Never call ball! Throw to wrong base! Make mental errors!” This Ragouc code is going to destroy us physically and financially. Evanston Hospital ER does not want your business and Kangaroo Court does not need a bailout package. Let’s stay on Planet Cougar.

Last year, we debuted our Cougar of the Week feature. That honor went to our 11th spot hitter and rainbow pitcher, David Melchiorre. The first honoree for Cougar of the Week in 2009 is a guy who has been desperately wanting that last spot in the lineup. This cat, before last year, never played any type of baseball or softball in his life and now Jeremy Oxer is an all-star.

When assembling the team, I thought it would be neighborly to ask the new Spencer Avenue resident to be on the team. I rang the bell and answering the door was one wife, two kids, two grandparents and one dog but no Jeremy; he was still on his way home from work. I introduced myself and said that I would like to know if the man of the house would like to play softball with my new team. In unison, their responses of “Jeremy???” were filling my ears with quizzical sing-songy voices. I am not sure if their questioning was based on the word softball or the word man. After I offered tissues to wipe their shared tears of laughter, I believe it was Heather that said, “Yes, he will play softball.” Just then, Jeremy walked in the front door. The dog was barking, the kids were jumping, the grandparents were talking, the wife was beaming and the new player found the situation frightening.

Who knew that we had quite a catch on our hands? Finding Jeremy for the Cougars is like going to the depths of Latin America to find that one ballplayer than you can sign for a low salary but will bring the best out of the whole team. His only contract demands were a few adult beverages after the game, and, well, he really did not want to play that often.

Now fast forward just a bit past the 365 day mark. J.Ox had the most stunning and dazzling game of his career. At the dish he went 3-4 and this does not even count any times getting on base with a fielder’s choice (see, last year before a spin through the rule book, our man counted those as singles in his batting average). He darted around the bases like a kid racing for the ice cream truck and was determined that nothing would stop him. In the picture below, Jeremy exhibits his grit on the basepaths. On defense, he called a solid game for his batterymate and made a defensive play at the plate that brings into question the “best play of the year” award that was handed out last week.



It does not stop there, as all Cougar games have three ingredients: pregame, game and postgame. J.Ox starred in all three. Following a successful consultative meeting with Lipsey in the previous week, in which Oxer got a radio shout out, Jeremy reviewed jokes for Peter’s weekly spot on the radio (every week on 820AM at 9:30am). We have found the new Abbott and Costello. At the postgame, Oxer termed the Danielsen throw to an empty third base, as “throwing it to Elijah” (opportunity here for the Christian folk to do some Seder research). Also, I see an Oxer as a weekly donor to the Kangaroo court for his gameday hot yoga classes or his outdated wardrobe (c’mon, Swisher is on the Yanks now).

With just a click of a mouse you can bookmark this site and enjoy a little Jeremy day or night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9LjvJ5QxYE&feature=channel_page

The Cougars love J.Ox!

Other game notes:

• We found out that Peter can play just as well without a dickey.
• Lipinski starts his game with a swing and miss on a ball that was a good yard over his head and then proceeds to knock every other pitch (and teammates) all over the field every other chance he had. I think he is juicing.
• Fortier gets big props for a solid game as well as purposely scheduling a late flight in order to make the game. Will they let you through ORD security with a dirty Cougar green t-shirt?
• Flannery may get a fine for missing the game because he was meeting with an OPEC minister.
• Philthy was injured during the game but toughed out an excellent game while gingering circling the bases.
• Has Martin made an out yet this year? By the way, we need to set a fine amount for getting kicked out of the game for arguing with the umpire. Maybe Jeff should prepay this.
• Our trusty leftfielder, Greg “Diddy” Otsuka, followed his backwards somersault act from last week by catching a sinking line drive with his teeth. I think he is trying to help Philthy’s business.
• Bobis had another game of solid play and made the most important play of the game at second base – the 21st out.
• Danielsen will be featured in the Kangaroo Court. It was great to have Jeff bring the youngest member (just over 5 weeks old) of the CKC out to the postgame.
• We may need a separate email for the disabled list. Keep me updated on the injuries. Philthy and Hogs – give those quads and hammies some rest.
• Trouter pulled a Little Rads and showed up to watch the game, or should I say postgame. These two can’t make too many games because of family commitments. I think they are each trying to get their own town’s family ranking up in the next poll.

Finally, I need to give a high-five and a slap on the backside to Julie. On Tuesdays, I come home, put the Cougar gear on, set the lineup and head out to the fields. Magically, Cougar food is always there for the postgame. Well, not magically. Because I always forget, she takes care of us. I do nothing for the postgames other than tell everyone to come on over and party. Last week her artichoke dip was devoured in seconds and this week the Mexican food celebration was top-notch. She puts the Cougar in Cougar postgame. I also have a feeling she will end up in Kangaroo Court for a non-food related event (spouses and friends are not exempt).

We could not have made it this far without the wisdom of Joe D. Yes, I am the manager, but I am merely a community organizer aspiring to a greater calling someday. Joe D. focused the team and gave us the framework for self coaching, which we implemented last night. The schedule has been busy lately for all of us (in fact, Joe D. recently became the owner of a new son-in-law) and we will get him out here again soon.

We have a tough three game stretch around the corner, starting with Grandpa's next week, followed by what will be a much needed bye week.

Great victory!