7:38pm
Oxer, driving home from Bikram Yoga, calls and indicates that playing in the rain is not in his contract.
7:50pm
Oxer taunts the Kangaroo Court. Look at him in all his sartorial splendor. Did he not think he was going to be fined for wearing this getup to a softball game? We should double the fine because he accessorized with an umbrella. And look how clean those spikes are! He should have learned from the previous Cougar dress code mistake when Peter felt cocky on opening night and played with his dickey.
7:59pm
With plenty of time before the scheduled opening pitch, the park district folded before the river and decided that the Cougars would not play with muck.
7:59:01pm
Moments after seeing the Howard Park's face down cards, Tim "Binion" Flannery swiftly invited everyone to the Highland Horseshoe Casino fka The Yoga Hut.
8:10pm
Beers flowing.
8:11pm
Cougar query. How many times do you blink in a year? A quick Google iPhone search elicits 5.6 million times. I am not sure where this night is heading - we have only been drinking for one minute. What is Flannery serving, Colt 45? With questions such as this, I am waiting for someone to ask if there is another word for synonym.
8:13pm
Melchiorre gets felt up. Um, I mean he gets the felt up. The table, cards and chips are all ready to go thanks to Dave. Some folks think it is odd that Dave keeps a deck of cards, a poker table and pre-stacked chips in his car at all times. Not me, it sure came in handy last night.
8:15pm
Cougars playing poker.
8:17pm
We leadoff with the first deck of the night. The two-hole hitter and the clean-up hitter have a showdown and are all-in on the first hand. There are 10,240 possible straight combinations in poker and we have 2 of them. What a way to start the night!
8:18pm
Determining rebuy rules.
8:35pm
Philthy is worried about his professional practice. It is not the economic hit he is taking from the decrease in aesthetic cases he is worried about though. He is concerned about one brainless client bringing down the practice. He can't believe anyone could be so dense. We think our good doctor gave his patient too much nitrous oxide and may be run out of town.
8:45pm
Pizza delivered. Our gracious host picks up the tab and feeds the hungry Cougars.
8:46pm
The first slice of the hamburger jalapeno pizza is consumed. In addition to sausage and mustard, the Cougars have now found another treat on which to double down.
9:00pm
Pizza demolished.
9:01pm
Cougars playing poker...again.
9:30pm
Cougar Kangaroo Court query. What do we do with the proceeds? Some votes were placed for a Yoga Hut flat screen TV. Winning vote was to split the money and let our trader teammates invest it. Proceeds will be used to hire a new park distrct softball coordinator.
9:52pm
Many Cougars realize that they have been told to be home from work by 7:00pm Wednesday night. Is this a coincidence or an underground revolt meeting against Cougar Nation. Nope, just the McK Variety Show DVD Release Party.
10:30pm
Cougars playing poker................................still. In poker, slow play typically means sandbagging but the Cougars give it new meaning. This game is taking forever. It may have something to do with the new iPhone app that is all the rage. It is impossible to play Urinal Test and play poker at the same time.
10:31pm
Melchiorre busts out but takes the game over. Slow play is killing him. He is now the official dealer. Constant movement at the table.
10:40pm
Three players remaining. Flannery, Hoglund and Oxer.
10:50pm
Two players remain, each with similar stacks. Hoglund busts out but gets third place prize.
11:05pm
After a series of unsuccessful all-in calls, Flannery epitomizes the meaning of slow play by deceptively trapping Oxer with measured bets while holding the nut hand. Flannery pushes all-in and Oxer, shaking in his rain boots (literally and figuratively), grabs his umbrella for good luck and calls the bet. Even with the rain gear, Oxer is all wet. Flannery wins the night!
11:15pm
Home watching late night TV and thinking about the parallel between the Tonight Show and Cougar Postgame. I realized that following Melchiorre and Flannery in the postgame is like Conan following Carson and Leno. The next game is on the 9th of June and it is a win waiting to happen. A victory would make the next postgame a jackpot.
Postgame Postscript
Thanks to Tim for such a grand night. His hosting abilities are first-rate and everyone had a fantastic time. Even more impressive is that he did it without a helping Hand.
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