Playoff Thrills

Joe D. posted the following entry on his blog recently. This story embodies the thrill of playoff softball.

One crazy softball night in 1976.Our Maulers team was in the playoffs for both the Schaumburg and Mt Prospect leagues, and the schedules conflicted. On the first night we were scheduled to play in Mt Prospect at 6pm and 9:30, and also scheduled to play in Schaumburg at 7:30 and 8:30. Rather than forfeit we decided to play it by ear, so if one game was not going well we would just quit and head for the other town.

Our first game was against the Hoskins Chevy Satyrs, a team that had beaten us earlier this year. Our strategy was to avoid any delays, no throwing the ball around between innings, no taking hittable pitches, and somehow we came away with a narrow win, and raced to our cars, and luckily somehow made most of the stoplights, getting to Schaumburg only 4 minutes before forfeit time. No warmups, play ball. The Foxes pounced on us, showing no mercy, and forced us to come from behind with 3 runs in the last inning to tie the score. The game went 10 innings, and we finally won by one run. We then had to choose whether to hang around for the next game or forfeit and head to Mt Prospect. Since it was double elimination we decided to take a forfeit. That gave us a little bit of time for our convoy to get to Mt Prospect, but every red light was excruciating while we watched the clocks tick away towards game time. We once again arrived 4 minutes before forfeit time, no warmups, play ball. Somehow we won another one run game against Scanda House, so incredibly we were still alive in both playoffs.

On the following night we got revenge on the McGaffers who beat us in the first round, to get to the Mt Prospect finals against the Shooters, who we had to beat twice due to the double elimination format, and we did that.

Guess who our opponents were for the Schaumburg finals the following night? It was the Shooters/Scrappers again, and again we beat them twice to win both titles.

We were completely out of energy, but it no longer mattered, the season was over, and the beer never tasted any better.

Come for the Postgame, Stay for the Game

Game Summary
We lost.

One great highlight was that we had so many Cougar wives out there. They either really enjoy our team or they thought we were giving away Cougarlicious t-shirts for Fan Appreciation Night.

Postgame Summary
The Danielsen family lived up to the nickname Postgame Allstars. Kristen and Jeff did share with me that they were a bit worried that the team would not show up for the party given that we had to cross the busy street and go to a foreign area. But being the sharp Cougars that we are, most of us ran a Mapquest before the game and travelled in pairs.

The Cougar postgames are unrivaled. I thought 60 beers would be enough for a bunch of responsible professionals on a Tuesday. I was wrong. In fact, the Cougars may have swing by Betty Ford for a detox before the playoffs. I see barrels of beer and kegstands in our future at this pace.

Pizza on the grill was plentiful, beer was in the coolers were cold and bags were flying. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Flannery showed us the three finger, open stance, yoga pants Baggo technique that ruled the night.

For the postgame next week Martin is hosting and Trout is beering.

Next Game
Beavers, Tuesday, 6:45pm

When I mentioned to Julie that we were playing the Beavers, she was disappointed she could not make it because of her restraining order. She has behaved at the last couple games and is appealing the ruling.

This is a huge rematch for us. I am sure they don't like us and we aren't too fond of them. We are going to play a calm, cool and collected game and come out with a notch in the left hand column so we can play the Brew-Ha's at 8:00pm.

You will be hearing from my inner Lombardi leading up to this big game.

Pregame, Game, Postgame

We have SLAM tonight at 6:45pm and I will be out there about 5:45pm to warmup.

Last week's postgame partiers were able to scout our opponent and what they saw were high arcs from their pitcher (especially after two strikes), good defense and strong swings from just over half the team. We played well against SLAM previously and we will have the confidence to hit them hard again. We have been playing energized ball out there and need to keep it up to move up in the standings.

Tonight's postgame beer is already on ice and after my purchase yesterday, I think Schaefer's may sponsor our team next year. "Beers Around the World" is the theme tonight. Jeff "Postgame Allstar" Danielsen will be hosting the festivities.

In other news, the Radtke family buzzed by the No Glove Nationals on Saturday. Here are a few notes from the visit.

• Strong, quick and smart was the theme that I saw out there. Notice I did not say young. Most of these guys have turned 21 twice, have real jobs that require physical strength (unlike me) and can drink beer by the gallon (like my brother). They must spend the rest of their time at the gym, bar or softball fields.
• There was an arc limit and they started with a 0-0 count, which are two things that the Cougars could have used earlier in the season. That said, these guys pounded the ball hard into the ground with tomahawk chops that skipped right between the fielders and strong line drives in the gaps.
• Aggressive baserunning was key. Many hit and runs were executed. Not sure if we are there yet but I am sure Martin will lead the way with his daring wheels.
• The Forest Park softball fields and adjacent swimming pool rival anything we have in Wilmette. This is also where the 16-inch Softball Hall of fame will be housed. http://www.16inchsoftballhof.com/
• Cool uniforms (or at least jerseys) are important for next year. We may as well look the part of a softball team. I am not sure what we will end up with yet, but our female fans would look good in any of these. http://shop.cafepress.com/cougar?cmp=KNC-G-PC-ZOO
• The food and drink were excellent. I downed a hot dog with onions and mustard, a double hulled steak taco with hot sauce, three beers and an ice cream. A great afternoon.

Cougar News

Our next game is on Tuesday at 6:45pm against SLAM.

The upside is that the Cougars were able to scout SLAM on Tuesday night against the Hitmen. The downside is that we have our toughest position game so far. SLAM has only lost three games but up until recently our biggest run output was against them.

Here are a few items need some action:

• I have three people interested in another early morning practice on Sunday at 7:15am. Let me know if you will be out there.

• Although I am in denial, it is true that the season is only going to last 2-3 more weeks. We need to plan and have our first annual Cougar Awards Banquet. I am taking any and all suggestions for location. One suggestion for Depot Nuevo has been recognized. Also, we need to pick a date. It needs to be a date that everyone can be there. I suggest September 2, 3 or 4 (the Tu, We, Th, after Labor Day). Let me know your thoughts.
  

• Lastly, by popular demand (two people) I have put all of the Cougar news and updates in one convenient place. http://deadcougars.blogspot.com/

"I Think The Cougars Are A Warm Weather Team"

"I Think The Cougars Are A Warm Weather Team"
- Greg Otsuka quote from after our April 29th opening day 35-1 loss in 40 degree weather.

After a bit of research, it turns out Greg is right. According to the Canadian government agency that collects cougar-related data, warm weather causes a jump in cougar attacks.

The warm weather last night fueled our 8-5 assault on our opponent and now fetches us a 3-1 record in July. We are also undefeated in position games and rematches.

Speaking of violence, according to the official scorebook Marc has officially not been present for our two victories. He decided to pull a Doug Plank on the second baseman early in the game on a force out and was promptly booted from the game by the umpire. After the game, Marc indicated that he thought it was perfectly fine to knock the defensive player silly because Jeremy did to the catcher on the Hitmen.

Unquestionably, the hero of the game was our man "Big Z" Lipsey. Pete brought out his "good Carlos" with a right arm that threw some lofty strikes, walking only one, and when we were down 5-3 with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 6th, he unloaded a shot to left center for a grand slam that put us ahead for good. It was absolutely unbelievable! One of the most exciting moments of the year!

Other offensive highlights include the following.

• We were down 5-1 in the top of the 6th and before Lipsey nailed his granny (who ironically is a cougar, ahem), we had hits from Otsuka, Trout, McDonnell, Hoglund (with a reprise of the Cowboy Dance) and Oxer, which yielded us two runs to get us to 5-3.
• It was Oxer's first run of the season. It would have been his second if it wasn't for the aforementioned play at the plate.
• Also, in the 6th, we batted around the order for the first time this season. Danielsen led off the 6th with an out but came up again later in the inning with me on 1B and got a hit for our final run.

Our defense came through once again as the young, strong and quick Chieftons sprayed hard shots around the field.

• Our outfield was flawless with Otsuka, Trout and McDonnell covering the green pasture with ease.
• In CF, Trouter had a bullet throw to Marc at third that almost gunned out the runner.
• Flannery was an all-purpose player while playing three positions.
• I was fired up about my first double play of the season (well, first one on defense).

On the injury front, it looks like Trouter will be on the DL for at least next week. He pulled a groin (his own thankfully) during our big inning. What is very interesting is that Mike Flynn on the Hitmen, who is Trout's college roommate and current co-worker also has a pulled groin. Rumor has it that Bobis isn't the only one with an Open Stance video.

Jeff "Open Stance" Bobis, who was not supposed to show up, pulled an Oxer and rushed to make the postgame festivities after swilling a number of employer mandated beers. Little did he know he would be rushed into duty to make our then 9-person squad a full 10. He played a fine half inning and like the sick kid who shows up for last period, he kept his Ripken practice and game attendance streak alive.

The Cougar contingent was disappointed that a few of our pack were unable to attend.

• Martin was on the high waters of Lake Michigan sailing in the 100th Race to Mackinac.
• Fortier was transacting business in Tokyo where just moments ago he enjoyed a serious earthquake.
• Melchiorre was enjoying a concert with a former Cougar and I think got to go backstage and meet John Mellencamp.
• Lipinski was taking a client to dinner and did everything he could to get out of it.

From what I hear and heard, the Cougars had a great postgame in the picnic area of Field 1. I did a favor for our friends on the Hitmen and was not able to enjoy my first beer until about 10pm. You all should know that I bleed Cougar blood and loved the cheering section while I played LF and raced around the bases.

Our fans are the greatest! I really appreciate my Friday night captains, Catherine and Robert Levy, coming out to root on the Cougars each week. In fact, when I was playing 3B on one play and bobbled the ball a bit and was about to throw it (most likely wildly) to 1B, I am pretty sure I heard Robert yelled "HOLD IT!" and that was exactly what I did. Otherwise a run or runs would have scored. So thanks for that! We also had a number of Radtkes out at the park as well as the Lipsey family until little Ellie ended up on the DL.

I still have no clue what the deal is with these position games we have played the last two weeks. We have one more position game next week and then the playoffs are the two Tuesdays after that. Once the game time is announced for next week I will let you know.

For any other 16-inch softball nuts like me, the No Glove Nationals tournament is this weekend in Forest Park. The Radtke family will be heading out there sometime on Saturday. Ballpark food and beer will be served. I used to go to tournaments like this at Lou Boudreau Field in Harvey when I was a kid and it was a blast. This type of event is Chicago at its best. Let me know if you have interest and we can hook up.

http://www.pdofp.org/40th_annual_no_glove_nationa.htm

Movin' On Up

The Cougars are livin' large. Recently, I was deciding what the Cougars' theme song should be and I had it down to The Eye of the Tiger (or Cougar) by Survivor or Mrs. Robinson by Simon and Garfunkel (think about it, keep thinking, there you go...). Now that we have just notched our third victory, we may use the theme song to the The Jeffersons with our own lyrics. The full game update will follow tomorrow.

Well we're movin on up,
To the big time.
The Dead Cougars are alive.
Movin on up,
To the big time.
We finally got a piece of the pie.

Sausage don't fry in the kitchen;
Beer in the cooler gettin' a chill.
Took a whole lotta tryin',
Just to get up that hill.
Now we're up in the big leagues,
Gettin' our turn at bat.
As long as we live, it's you and me baby,
There ain't nothin wrong with that.

Well we're movin on up,
To the big time.
The Dead Cougars are alive.
Movin on up,
To the big time.
We finally got a piece of the pie.

High Frequency Pings

Our game is at 8pm tonight and I plan to get out to the field with my brother at about 7pm to warmup. As you know we play The Chieftons, which is a team we took to extra innings and lost 4-2.

With a victory we would move up a spot and be tied for 9th place. With a loss we might be basement dwellers once again.

We have exactly 10 for the game tonight with the debut of The Joke Writer as our pitcher. Pete has been instructed to kiss the sky with his pitches, get high like Jimi Hendrix and put the Cheiftons in a green haze.

One quick story. So I was drinking beers Friday night with some folks who live on Washington and back up to Howard Park. A certain woman says to me, "So, did you have the Cougars out for a practice on Sunday morning?" I said, "Yup, we got out there at about 7am and were out there for a couple hours." She said, "Yes, (pause) I know, you woke me up!" "Really," I said, "There were only five of us, I didn't think we were talking that loud." She said, "It was the bat hitting the ball that woke me up." That is just awesome! At first I figured she heard a hungover Trouter holding court in left field holding his Venti Iced Americano and catching balls with his non-injured hand, then I realized our sweet swings are waking up the neighborhood. That is beautiful.

Let's be aggressive and hear some high frequency pings tonight! See you out there.

Let's Play Two!

Before we even showed up at the ballpark we had notched a 10-0 slaughter victory and moved into 10th place. That was fortunate for us because as of 6:40pm, there were more Brown Stars out there than Cougars. Many of our opponent's players were not told that the game was canceled and that they had forfeited. I have a feeling that they are not getting postgame updates either.

We ended up with 8 Brown Stars and 10 Cougars so we put together a practice game and tried for our second victory that day. We batted all 10 and gave them 2 players each inning for defense. We ended up with another victory outscoring them 10-7. It may have been a bit closer but the catcher we supplied thought it was more important to care for the safety of the Cougars heading for home plate by tidying up the the area rather than catching the throw to the plate. Thanks Dave!

As usual, the postgame was a highlight. Otsuka had InBev represented in one cooler and Bud in the other. The Cougars love beer! There were 54 beers on ice and 52 were consumed. It has also been discovered that the Cougars love mustard and this week's delivery device was some tasty sausage grilled up by Fortier. In fact, I was fortunate to have it again this morning while flossing.

After finishing a good portion of the beer, we decided to dial up an Oxer in Vegas because he would be the only Cougar possibly having more fun than us. Turns out he was at Midway and joined us for some midnight beers.

A couple other interesting facts we learned about our Cougar cohorts are that Hoglund invented the phrase "That's what she said" 20 years ago in Cali but forgot to get it trademarked. Also, for a number of years, Lipsey supported his entire existence on the road as a stand-up comic. Highlights can be seen here. http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=+peter+lipsey&search_type=&aq=f

It was great to enjoy an action packed All-Star Game, which was complemented with baseball trivia such as, "Name the 5 Cy Young Award winners who are also convicted felons."

The night ended in the wee hours and once again we turned a Tuesday night into a Friday night. Thanks to Greg for the beers and to Steve for hosting and feeding us.

Once I hear from the park district, I will let you know the scoop for Tuesday.

I play angry and get angry when I don't play.

The Brown Stars are weak and Keefe wouldn't be able to get there on time (but they really appreciated the offer). Let's still get out to Field 2 by 6:30 sharp for a game of Cutthroat.

We have a definite 12 (Melchiorre maybe with Lipinksi and Oxer out). We have the field until 8:00 but we will probably finish up within a hour.

After the game, we will be heading to Fortier's house. Otsuka has the beer on ice already. There is a rumored potential poker game as well.

Here are the rules:

• Teams of 3 (one team with 4 if Dave is there)
• 4 innings each
• 3 outs per inning, bat 2 innings in a row
• Winner is team with most cumulative runs scored
• Start with 1-1 count
• Run bases like real game
• Team names are optional but encouraged
• Wagering, sidebets and trash talk are permitted and encouraged

Team 1
Martin
Bobis
Trout
Melchiorre (Dave gets a pinch runner each time)

Team 2
Fortier
Radtke M
McDonnell

Team 3
Danielsen
Otsuka
Flannery

Team 4
Radtke S
Lipsey
Hoglund

Dear Dead Cougars

Dear Dead Cougars,

It is with regret that I must inform you that we will not be playing the Brown Stars tomorrow night. They could not field enough players. Greg said it best, "We would've killed them. They only have 4 guys who want to play in a game -- we have more than that showing up for practices at 7am. Screw them, we've won 2 of our last 3."

It is with much joy and happiness that I must inform you that we are out of the cellar - see the link.

http://www.wilmettepark.org/sports/league_details.cfm?lsportid=3&lLeagueId=15

I have contacted Walt Keefe, captain of Team Orange, to see if we can get a scrimmage in at 6:45pm. This will be a true test of our improvement if we are able to get a game together with the best team in the league.

I will keep you updated.

Scott

Out of the Cellar

Yup, this is the title of the killer 1984 album from Ratt. Why mention such an awesome album? I love glam metal, the 80's and the Cougars and on Tuesday night at 6:45pm we have our chance to get out of the cellar and take sole possession of 10th place.

We play the Brown Stars in the first of three position games (still not exactly sure what position games are but I think the results will help seed the playoffs).

A few interesting facts. The Dead Cougars have the same record as the Brown Stars at 1 win and 9 losses. The Brown Stars only victory is against us. They slaughtered us 11-0 on May13th. Of their 9 losses, they have been slaughtered 7 times. Of our 9 losses, we have been slaughtered 8 times.

We must win.

This is a big rematch for us. On an 80's note, we need a rematch like Sugar Ray and Duran in 1980. No need to pull a Beaver and mimic Sugar Ray's taunting and goading. A windmill punch with a left and a hard shot with a right will do fine. I want the Brown Stars to utter the immortal words "No Mas, No Mas."

If anyone is up for an early morning practice this weekend, let me know and I will organize it. Also, I can get Joe D. back out as well.

Not This Tuesday

It used to be that we struggled during the 1st inning of every game – now it's the 7th. That is progress. Going into the 7th we were behind 10-6 to the second best team in the league and they found every hole and pummeled us for 10 runs. We scored one in the bottom of the inning and the final score was 20-7. It was a much closer game than the score reveals. Like last game, there were many highlights.

· Flannery sliding at home plate and falling short by about a foot for the last out of the game looking up at the ump and indicating he was safe. Tim also had a great unassisted double play.

· Our resident dentist getting picked off first was a beauty (that will cost you in kangaroo court next year). Phil showed off his range and great arm in the outfield – who knew? Phil is throwing his body everywhere and is hoping Brooks Brothers carries blood free pants so his knee doesn't soak through.

· Bobis played an excellent 2B featuring a line shot that tripled the size of his left nipple.

· As I was leaving the house for the train I heard some noise at the park and walked over. Trout was still there debating the ump about what constitutes the baseline.

· Martin once again was a spark plug out of the box to get us on the board with an early lead.

· Danielsen hitting our team's first triple of the season. Also, it was great to have Kristen joining the Cougars postgame activity.

· I really enjoyed the 4 or 5 Radtke to Radtke putouts. Marc played a flawless 1B. BTW, Marc, the dog's name is Chase not Chuck.

· I did not enjoy getting my wind knocked out as I dove for a putout at 3B. I had the dirtiest shirt award until Flannery's headfirst slide.

· Lipsey with a pulled hammy covering tons of ground and showing off the accurate gun holstered to his shoulder.

· Otsuka also with great catches and throws and a featuring sweet throw for a putout at 3B.

· Oxer hustling out a great hit and throwing another top notch postgame. Jeremy is now the official 5 hour energy supplier (dealer, distributor, enabler - you choose the word). http://www.5hourenergy.com/

· Melchiorre getting compliments from Grandpa's on a great pitching performance. Although Dave would have like the umpire to share that same opinion.

· I think we have a following – lots of wives out there. Cougars dig Cougars! (Otsuka's coined phrase - he has already trademarked it and shirts will be on sale next game).

· We are gaining a following outside the Cougar family as well! We have neighbors, friends and other teams all rooting for us. It was great to have a Flynner join us for a nightcap and have him and Trouter share the leprechauns in Vegas story.

I have called and emailed the park district and still have no idea what the scoop is for next week. I do know that we are drinking Otsuka's beers at Fortier's house. I will keep you updated.

Any Given Tuesday

The Dead Cougars are alive! We did it -- we beat the Misfit Beavers 13-12. Now that was true Chicago 16-inch softball. Lots of runs, great plays, unreal hustle on the basepaths, jawing with the opponent, and a tension filled 7th.

I have no idea where to begin. As Danielsen put it at the postgame, for most of our games, the discussion is about one good play we had, but after this game, there were more good plays than we could remember.

Even the day after, it's still a blur.

Should I begin with the fact that we scored more runs in one game than we have in the entire season?

Or Lipsey lighting the fuse with a solid hit on the first pitch of the game and motoring around to score on Martin's hit?

Or Martin switch hitting, doing his Brooks Robinson impersonation at 3B and setting the tone for a scrappy game by tagging and somehow scoring on an infield pop out?

Or Danielsen hitting a ground rule double to the opposite field?

Or Bobis coming through with clutch hit after clutch hit?

Or Melchoirre pitching a great game with sweet high arcs and helping his cause with an RBI single?

Or Fortier's flawless shortstop play?

Or how about Dr. Phil getting body slammed and coming back to get the final out?

Or the ump calling their SS a fuc*ing a**hole (which he did midgame, and to which they responded, "That is the only call you made right all night!")?

Or how about Julie being called a f'ing whore by their first baseman?

Nope, none of that will suffice. The way to begin is to let you know that I woke up this morning after 5 hours of sleep, very sore, slight headache, dehydrated, rough throat, in my uniform, smelling of sweat, bug spray and beer, walked down the stairs and looked at our mantle over the fireplace and next to our wedding picture (taken 13 years ago today) and a crystal vase there sits the game ball and the cork to the bottle of champagne.

Now that is a good feeling!

Our bats were alive. Everybody put a good swing on the ball. Right field, left field, hard grounders, line shots. I would venture to say that we did Joe D. proud last night.

Our defense was stellar and almost flawless. The highlight of our defense was the fact that we made the correct throws every time and did not let them take the extra base. We even made a couple putouts at the bases, most notably when Lipsey gunned down a runner at third with Martin calmly applying the tag.

Our baserunning was aggressive. We took the extra base at every chance, hustled and beat out what should have been routine outs and even had Hoglund doing the Cowboy Dance during a rundown.

Speaking of baserunning, Phil looked like he hit a brick wall when their 400 pound first baseman put his shoulder into him as he was crossing first base and knocked him sideways. Although the Beavers had arms as big as sewer pipes hanging from their sides, I was ready to throw hands right there. Thankfully the ump kicked him out of the game, which gave him ample time to sit his ample a*s on the bench and plead with the park district guy that the ump sucks and all he did was lean in to catch the throw. He was really just an innocent victim, right? At which point, Julie couldn't hold her tongue and had to call, "That is such bull!" Then one of their girlfriends let the park district guy know that the ump shouldn't call their guy an a**hole. "Then they shouldn't act like a**holes!" is what came out of my little wife's mouth. "Shut up, fuc*ing whore," is apparently how their victimized first baseman responded to that. As she said after the game, you can take the girl out of the south side, but you can't take the south side out of the girl. Joe D. said to play angry and I guess that extends to the wives as well.

This being the Dead Cougars going for their first win, of course, it wouldn't be easy. We entered the bottom of the 7th with a 13-6 lead. But the Beavers started finding the narrow gaps in our defense and came storming back to make it 13-12, putting runners on the corners with two outs. After Lipinski's brief discussion with the ump to figure out if the ejected Beaver's spot in the lineup had come up, their left handed power hitter hit a long drive down the right field line. In a turn that can only be considered poetic justice, Phil raced over to the line, camped under the ball and squeezed it to seal the victory.

Melchiorre came through with a postgame fitting for the occasion. Beer on ice, pizzas fresh out of the oven and a perfect setting on the front porch. I was happy that I was able to pop open those bottles of Wilmette's finest bubbly and now won't be haunted by them every time I open my fridge. As one Cougar put it, the beer tastes better after a win. As another said, the Cougars are undefeated in July. And as Flannery put it, "When you consider the euro, there are four distinct reasons for its increase in value, number one..." (No word on whether the Beavers were having a similar discussion at their postgame.)

Huge props to Jen and Julie, our two fans (or witnesses as Greg called them). It was a great night and well-deserved for a great bunch of guys. I was grateful that Oxer was able to make it out on his daughter's birthday, and I wish Trout and my brother could have been there (although with their enthusiasm we may have spent the postgame behind bars), but hopefully this is the first in a long line of Cougar victories.

(Thanks to Julie and Greg for some editing, text and memory help.)

Dead Cougars vs. Misfit Beavers

The Cougars are all in tonight - everyone will be there.

We play the Misfit Beavers, which is a team with only 2 wins but they score a handful of runs each game. I will be out there by 8:30.

Joe D. checked in with me yesterday and wants an update after the game. Let's make him proud!

For those of you that have your assets in cash and are looking for a diversified investment, well, RBI pictures is looking for investors. Take a peek at the trailer for Sprinkle the Infield, a movie about Chicago 16-inch softball. I think we need to start gambling on our games.

http://www.rbipictures.com/trailer.html

See you tonight.