The Cougars Are Champions!

The title is not a misprint and it's not a joke.  If you've followed us since the beginning, you know that a Cougar championship truly completes our rags-to-riches story.  From our first Tuesday night game four seasons ago when we were slaughtered 38-1 to last night's championship game won by us slaughtering our opponent, this is the stuff that makes sports fairy tales.  

If you just look back at early blog entries, it is truly amazing how our team has improved mentally and physically on the field.  Only a few of us had played 16" softball before, a handful of others had played baseball, and some had never stepped foot on a diamond.  It gives me great pride to know that we did this as a team and to see the great support everyone has given each other to improve.

We couldn't have scripted a more spectacular championship run.  Last week we beat Ethervision 16-0 for our first ever shutout.  Then last night we beat the Tappers 10-4 after losing one-run heartbreakers to them during the season.  Immediately following that, we took our momentum to the Brown Stars and bested them in five innings with a final score of 17-2 to clinch the league title.

In the three postseason games our fiery offense lit up for 43 runs, which was the exact total we had in our entire first season! What is even more impressive is that our sure-handed defense absolutely shut down our opponents.

Here are few quick memories and highlights from the excellent evening.  

• Martini toying with the batters and getting on base every at-bat
• Philthy slamming an incredible homer to secure a victory
• Hogs shooting the ball and finding the holes
• Diamond Dave batting 1.000 in the championship
• JD with hands like magnets
• Li'l Rads flattening the ball with vicious swings
• Bobi ripping key hits to the gap
• Flandog handling line shots with ease
• Stabber striding around the bases like a thoroughbred
• Fort making catches that would have an extended segment on SportsCenter
• Diddy tracking down every ball in his vicinity
• Boom swinging out of his shoes and stealing bases
• Thejokewriter crushing the leather off the ball 
• Ski, Trouter and JOx were sorely missed but we cheered them as part of the victory.

It was an incredible team effort.

We celebrated on the field, and then as is the Cougar custom, we continued the celebration until the wee hours of the morning with great thanks to TMart for the delicious taco treats, JRads for the beverages, and Fort and Mrs. Philthy for the impromptu celebratory champagne.  The celebration wouldn't have been complete without our loyal fans whose cheering voices echoed through Howard Park and into the streets of Wilmette.

Looking back at my childhood, there are really only two things that stand out for me:  vacations and sports.  Win or lose, Tuesdays with the Cougars can give us a sporting vacation from the day-to-day monotony we sometimes feel.  For me and my family, the memories created at Howard Park and at the post-games will be cherished forever, and I believe the same is true for all the Cougars and fans.

Now, of course, winning a championship has a direct correlation to an increase in Cougar happiness.  With next season starting in April, we have nine months to ride cloud 9.  But like every high we will eventually come down.  

The only proven way to have sustainable happiness is to surround yourself with a loving family and dear friends.  In this category, the Cougars have been champions for years.

See all of you next season!

CLICK HERE TO SEE ALL THE PICTURES FROM THE CHAMPIONSHIP NIGHT.

Belle of the Ball

The Cougars may just be the belle of the ball in the playoffs.

You would have thought we were at the Magic Kingdom park last night because Howard Park was the happiest place on earth for a few hours.

The 6th seeded Cougars beat the 3rd seeded villians, Ethervision, 16-0.

• Martini and Diamond Dave combined forces to pitch our first ever shutout.
• JD once again made his infielders look great at 1B.
• Boom covered the hot corner with perfection and ripped the ball at-bat.
• Bobi had a key two-out double and made a great play at the plate while at catcher.
• Flandog had a key two-out single to continue our 10-run inning.
• Fort was flawless at SS and smacked the sphere at the dish.
• The Jokewriter was swift on the base paths and patrolled the outfield.
• Li'l Rads turned an infield single into a triple with smart baserunning.
• Stabber's long strides turned a couple would-be singles into game changing doubles.
• Diddy, with pixie dust in his hair after just flying back from Orlando shortly before game time, played a rock solid game at the plate and in the field.
• JRads gets huge props for sending me on an earlier flight home to make the game.
• JOx couldn't make the game now that he is a Florida resident but he couldn't miss out on Disney magic.

After the game we hopped on the monorail and celebrated the victory at the castle and Li'l Rads supplied the postgame feast.

The semifinals and championship games are next Tuesday night starting at 6:45 p.m.

The Cougars have to march through the Tappers and Chicken Shack in the next two rounds of the playoffs.  In order to continue this Cinderella story, we will have to ward off these ugly stepsisters to bring home the princely prize.  Everyone loves a fairytale ending.

Super Men

It wasn't a real game so it's not a real blog.

The Cougars and Chicken Shack played a scrimmage game Tuesday night during the bye week.  As has been our trend this season, the Cougars lost by one run.

We do not have any video of the game last night, but enjoy some film of two super men who can hit the rock on the field and rock out with hits on the stage.

See you at the playoffs next week!

It's a town full of losers, I'm pulling out of here to win

 

After a tough 17-14 loss last night to Gulliver's, certain Thunder Road lyrics seemed like an apt bandage to our wound and a fitting metaphor when re-worked Captain Cougar-style.

So you're scared and you're thinking that maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me

We Cougars are old, we're not pretty, but we stick together like a band of brothers rooting and supporting each other when we are down.

You can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain for a savior to rise from these streets
Well now I'm no hero, that's understood

While we all had our painful moments, we actually did have a few heroes out there last night.  JD made the left side of the infield look great with his fabulous catches.  Flandog had a crucial RBI to extend an inning.  Bobi slammed the ball around the park.  The Jokewriter knocked an opponent out with a smash to 3B.  Philthy was on base every at-bat.  OB and Flynner rose from the streets to save the shorthanded Cougars. 

Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late, we can make it if we run

We weren't in the sun with the 9:00 game, but man, it was a wicked hot killer out there last night!  It was definitely late and we almost made it - again. 

And my car's out back if you're ready to take that long walk

Actually, no need to drive last night; the postgame was just a short walk across the street.

There were ghosts in the eyes of all the boys you sent away

Well, nobody ever gets sent away from our postgame.  In fact, all fans, readers, and neighbors are invited.  Last night's refreshments included pizza rolls and perfectly chilled concoctions of water, hops, and barley courtesy of the Jokewriter.   JRads had brats ready to fill our stomachs and take our minds off the ghost of another close game.

It's a town full of losers, I'm pulling out of here to win

Springsteen's key premise in Thunder Road is:  Do you want to take a chance? On us? On life?  Well, the Cougars get a new life next week as the playoffs begin.   

Ctrl+Z

The undo feature is the handiest command on the computer.  Make a mistake?  Goof something up?  No problem.  Take it all back with quick keystrokes.

Last night would have been a good time to press those sacred buttons to undo the result and start with a fresh field.

The Cougars crashed and had a system malfunction with a 13-3 loss.  Chicken Shack took a different kind of shortcut to victory with a 5 inning game.

We could not copy and paste our excellent performances from previous weeks.  The Cougars desperately needed some F1.  This game will certainly be dragged to the recycling bin.

The highlight of the night was the postgame.  The Fortiers hosted a party so slick that even Steve Jobs would have been impressed. 

By next week we will erase our memory and get the bugs out of our system in order to boot up a victory! 

Season 4, Episode #10: "The Cougar Shack Comes Out Tappin'"

As a kid, what was better than watching your favorite TV program?  How 'bout when characters from that show teamed up with characters from an equally entertaining show?

Think Jetsons meeting the Flinstones.

Or Mork dating Laverne on Happy Days?

Boss Hogg trying to buy the diner from Mel on Alice?

Ricky Stratton from Silver Spoons and Arnold Drummond from Diff'rent Strokes getting into mischief?

Charlie's Angels looking for a thief on the Love Boat?

Even better, how about when Mr. Roarke fulfilled Tattoo's dream of sailing on the Pacific Princess?

Howard Park last night may have even been a bit more like 90210 and Melrose Place combining efforts because Tuesday nights at Howard tend to be soap operas.

Last night, we had the ultimate Howard Park crossover episode as the Tappers and Chicken Shack raised the ratings for the Cougars.

The Cougars needed the crossover cooperation against our crosstown combatant Ethervision.  The programming ended early as McKenzie slaughtered Central 13-2.

The highlight reel was filled with excitement.  The main characters were solid and the guest stars provided the extra dose of drama.

• Danielsen slammed the ball at the dish and picked 'em out of the dirt at first.
• Hoglund continued his batting rampage and clubbed the Clincher all over the park.
• Flannery caught high hard line drives, pop-ups, grounders, relays and was a gem on the diamond.
• Lipinski's swings were top-notch during the game and his effort was top-flight for scheduling a red-eye out of town for after the game.
• Radtke (the Lil' one) was a defensive marvel out there, which included a play when a hard line shot bounced off my hands at SS and Marc, playing 3B, pounced on it and fired it to first base for a key out.
• Bookstaber played a flawless outfield and glided around the bases with ease.
• Boomgaarden was a softball gladiator and played with a broken finger.
• Oh reached for the sky with lofty arcs on the mound and the hard shots at the plate.
• O'Brien ripped the ball and took the extra base - and then some.
• Mayer squashed the bug, crushed the ball and continued to be one of the best left handed power hitters in Chicago.
• Miller had a stellar performance on the grass and showed off his wheels on the dirt.

As with any special feature, the team photographer commemorated this one time event with a cast picture.

But the credits don't stop rolling there.  The viewers of the show were truly the special guest stars as well.  We had a number featured fans join Steve and Cheryl to hoot and holler for the green gang with great gusto.  Julie's wonderful family, including Uncle Jim and Aunt Debbie From Tennessee and Uncle Bill, Aunt Lisa and cousin Billy from Arlington Heights are truly celebrities!

The set designers built a brilliant backdrop for the night and the cast knocked the super script out of the park.  This one might just win an Emmy.

We will be back to regularly scheduled programming in the next episode of the Cougar Chronicles.   The Cougars go head to head with Chicken Shack in prime time next Tuesday.  

July is a sweeps period for Nielsen but the Cougars are planning a plot twist to prevent a season sweep by the Shack.

Cougars Are Not Beavers

In our inaugural season, the then winless Cougars surprised the Misfit Beavers, one of the better teams in the league, with the first victory in our history. 

This year, we have already handed the Tappers their first victory ever and after last night's first inning, we were well on our way to doing it again with the Geriatric Springers.

We had first at-bats and went 1-2-3 in the top of the first.  The Springers dropped 5 on us in the bottom of the first.  Both teams were scoreless in the second.  Then the Cougars roared back.  The game was 6-6 after 3, 10-6 after 4, 12-6 after 5, 14-6 after 6 and 25-6 after we rounded the bases 11 times in the top of the 7th. 

At the postgame, the Cougars punched their ballots for Cougar of the Game.  Our man Hoglund was the runaway winner.  Hogs played three different positions flawlessly and was a home run short of the cycle.  His triple to right-center was a Ruthian bomb and he was the one needing a medic after puffing around the bases.  In fact, Dan played so well that the Springers asked him to sub in the nightcap of their doubleheader.

Flandog won the postgame award for hosting us and sharing his new toy, Night Light Baggo.

Three years ago this week, we played in one of our most memorable games.  Captain Cougar is about to board a plane so click the link below to relive and enjoy our first victory ever.   

ANY GIVEN TUESDAY

Right is Wrong

We all want to be right.  In softball, right is wrong, at least in the mathematical "greater than" expression.

6 > 5

When playing ball, even Republicans would want to be on the left.  The right is reserved for conservative scores.

The Cougars lost by one run for the third time this season.  Unlike other one-run losses this year, in this contest we were the team making the late charge.

The Tappers started the game by pouring five runs on the Cougars in the first two innings.  Over the next four innings the Cougars clawed back and scored four runs while holding our McKenzie rival scoreless.  

In the top of the 7th, our challenger tapped a lone run across the plate to take a 6-4 lead.  In the bottom of the inning, with two outs, the Cougars crushed back to back triples to close the gap to one.  Our last shot was a smash down the third base line that is not caught every day, but this one was.

The Tappers graciously hosted both teams to the postgame party.  We were able to enjoy the wonderful night for a couple hours before the wind and rain blanketed us.  Father Time ended the first Cougars/Tappers match early and Mother Nature ended this postgame early.   

Next week, we will try to be on the left of the relational operator.  Speaking of operators, I did try to call the 1-800-SOFTBALL help desk after the game but the storm knocked out the phone lines.

Click here to enjoy some photos from the night.

1-800-SOFTBALL

A confession.  Losing is hard for me.  It takes a toll on the body and the brain.  Sometimes you just can't get through it alone.  There are times you just need to talk with someone about your problems.  

So after we lost to Gulliver's 11-10 I felt the need to express my feelings.  I was going to talk to Julie about it but I knew she would confirm my thoughts that I am always reasonable, patient and even-keeled.

Instead, I called a little known help desk created specifically to help athletes deal with defeat.  I don't have much to write today so I thought I would just share the transcript.

Captain Cougar:

Hello, is this the help line for struggling athletes?

Pleasant Woman With Beautiful Voice:

Well, yes, it is sir. Are you a professional or an amateur?

Amateur.

Ok, let me transfer you to that department.

Cranky Man with Gravelly Voice:

Rec league amateur help desk, what do you want?

Captain Cougar:

Uh, yes, hi.  I'd like to talk about my game tonight.

Sure you do.  That's all everyone wants to talk about when they call.  Let me guess, you lost a heartbreaker.

Well, yes, you are correct.

You probably lost it in the bottom of the 7th, too.

Yeah, that's right.

Welcome to the club, buddy.

I thought this was a help desk.  You are not being very helpful.

You want some sweet talk then you should have called the 900 number.  Now just tell me the facts.

Well, we came out in the first inning and scored three runs.  Boom and Stabber ripped singles and JD popped a home run.

And what's wrong with that?

Nothing, nothing.  In fact, we held the lead almost all game.

Until the 7th, right?

Yes, yes, hold on, I will get there.  Everyone was playing well.  We had 14 out there tonight and everyone contributed and hit well.  Hogs was injured but he was out there cheering us on.  JD, Bobi, Flandog and The Lip played great defense on the right side of the field.  Boom played an inspired SS.  Diamond Dave was throwing clutch strikes.  Diddy, Stabber, Trouter and Thejokewriter all patrolled the outfield with ease.  We needed both Philthy and Stingray to fill the large pants of JOx.  In fact, to honor him, I wore JOx's pants last night.

You wore another man's pants?  Really?

Yes, the pants have never been this dirty.  JOx was a clean player.

What's with the pet names?  Don't you people have real names?

Of course, but it's more fun to have nicknames.  And after a tough loss, I like to think of them as aliases.

So how did the rest of the innings go?  

Everybody was hitting it down and hard and taking the extra base.  In the top of the 6th, we scored four runs to break the tie and extend the lead.

You had a four run lead going into the 7th?

Yes.

What happened?

Gulliver's started hitting and travelling around the bases.  

Nice.

What?

Gulliver's...travels.  Do you always do that?

What?

Don't go Barbarino on me; you know, the cute lines.

It's all I have.  My material is pretty lilliputian.

You can stop now.

Ok.

What I am hearing is that you had a well-played, hard fought match and you lost in the last inning.

It's just hard when they get you in the end.

Enough already.

Ok.  Ok.  Sorry.

What is your team name?

Cougars.

Let me guess, you probably have beat that double entendre into the ground.

Like I said, my reservoir is not deep.

Tell me about these Cougars.  Are they a bunch of schmucks?

No, they are great guys.  I cherish our summers together.

What about your fans?  

Loyal and enthusiastic.

What did you do after the game?

We went to my backyard and drank a few cold ones.

Was everybody pouting?

No, we just analyzed the game looking for spots to improve.

Did the party end quickly because everyone was down?

No.  In fact, we were out there until past midnight.

Don't you people have jobs?

Yes, but I always think a hangover takes your mind off the loss.  

That's a different help desk.

Right.

So let me get this straight, the Cougars played a solid game but the other team eeked it out?

That's right.

Now tell me this, is your record good enough to make the playoffs?

Everyone makes the playoffs.

Huh, everyone?

Yes.

All right, so if everyone makes the playoffs, then there must be some prize money or a trophy for winning the most games?

Nope.

Not even a t-shirt?

Not even a t-shirt.

Let's recap.  Everyone makes the playoffs and there is no prize money, no trophy and not even a t-shirt, right?

Correct.  Winning games and bringing home a title is essentially for pride and I tend to value my self worth by wins and losses.  Self-loathing sets in after a loss.

Listen, I am not the empathetic type, but I did hear that writing your feelings down after a game might help.  Have you ever tried that?

Um, well, yeah, I sorta do that after every game.

You write down your feelings in a journal and then hide it in a desk?

Uh, no, I publish it to the web.

What has this world come to?  Men sharing feelings to the world.   Well, because  you are already disclosing your emotions to the world, what else is wrong in your life?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Right, I am a happy and fortunate guy to have a great family and friends in a wonderful community.

So, it's just the loss that is bringing you down?

Yes.

If losing an old man recreational league softball game is the biggest problem you have, then you have no problems, buddy.

You are right.  Thanks.  Hey, by the way, what was the deal with that pretty sounding woman that answered the call?

That's for the professional athletes.

Oh.

And it's not a help desk.

Huh?  

Set up by Tiger Woods. 

Oh, I get it.

Farewell to a Cougar

As most Cougar fans already know, last night we toasted everyone's favorite Cougar, JOx, and his most loyal fans, Heather, Annie, and Lucy.  This family made an indelible impression in our lives and in our hearts.  Heck, they even added a new word to our lexicon.  Some of you probably remember the definition for Oxerize, given in a previous blog, but here's a review taken directly from the newest edition of Webster's. 

Oxerize (v) ahx-er-ahyz

1. to make larger or more powerful; especially by adding details to

2. to increase in size, extent, effect, sometimes through decadence and extravagance

3. to make Cougars giddy

A simple blog entry to say farewell to our retiring and relocating Cougar catcher would certainly not be enough to send him off.  How can one Oxerize this farewell blog?

By giving our dear departing Cougar his own blog.  Enjoy!

CLICK HERE FOR THE OXERIZE BLOG

Sensing A Victory

Inhaling the lilac infused air.

        Eavesdropping on the squawks and squeals of the birds.

               Gazing at the trees and plants as the sun gives abundant color.

                      Savoring the piquant coffee that was roasted by an all-star pitcher.

                               Caressing the keyboard to commemorate the Cougar conquest.

What a way to start my Wednesday morning!  My five senses are alive and my mind and body feel reinvigorated.  

Of course, had we lost, the self-loathing and the questioning of life's meaning would have commenced upon rising.  But our team was victorious for the second week in a row.

Last night, the Cougars played Ethervision, which is a team we had never bested.  Every game against this team of many Central School dads has been tight and last night we came out victorious, 8-6.

Over the last two weeks the Cougars have played terrific defense, adding to the explosive offense and last night we had many stars.

• Lipinski once again led the scoring charge.  For our first run of the game, he rounded third like a freight train and violently slid into home plate leaving some epidermis on the field.

• Flannery, hands down, has the best catch and pivot in the league and is quickly becoming the league's top short center.

• Bookstaber made a running, over-the-head, backwards, game-saving catch in center field.

• Otsuka plays at such a high level in left field that we take his skills for granted.  Last night was no exception as he came up with his usual excellent catches.

• Bobis is a tower of power at the plate and scored our game-winning run.

• Danielsen made a number of stabs at first base that made his infielders look good.  Our man also made another great save by hosting a top-notch postgame. 

• Lipsey continued to rope the ball all over the field and ran like a gazelle on the bases.

• Boomgaarden showed off his moves at shortstop.  His hands are like glue and his arm a cannon.

• Melchiorre pitched a stellar game with no walks and timely strikes.  His clutch hitting knocked in a run and helped his own cause.

• Hoglund was on the disabled list last night but dressed in full green and rooted fiercely for his compatriots.

• McDonnell came off the DL last night for his season debut.  His broken foot healed (kind of), he pounded the ball and raced around the bases while readying to replace Oxer behind the plate.

• Oxer, in his penultimate game, was a force behind the plate and in the batter's box.  His snap throws to first almost pegged a couple runners and he was swift on the bases.  He even got a number of cheers from our opponent, many of whom are his old neighbors. 

• The fans are always a highlight, especially at a 9:00pm game.  Our friends and family gave us many ovations and propelled our confidence late in the game. 

While my traditional five senses were piqued this morning, my sixth sense tells me the Cougars could be on a streak...

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

The story goes that in the early days of Vegas, the casinos had a special offer for a 3 piece chicken dinner for just under two bucks.  Back then, the standard table bet was $2.00, so with a win you had the coin for a tasty chicken dinner.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Why is the blog writing about chicken once again, you ask?  Well, before the big rematch of the Cougars and the undefeated Brown Stars, the only other team in the league without a notch in the L column was Chicken Shack.

After the winless Cougars turned the Rising Stars into Falling Stars by defeating them 15-12, we were hoping there would be some chicken dinner delivered to the Cougar postgame courtesy of the Shackers for giving them sole possession of first place.

The Cougars were ready to play, came out strong in the first inning and batted around the order.  No small feat when you are batting 12.  We took the early lead and then gave a couple back in the bottom of the inning.

As the game moved along, we traded runs but never lost the lead.  In the bottom of the 6th, we were leading 12-10 and our opponent dropped two runs on us to tie up the contest.

In the top of the 7th, Martini, looking like Kirk Gibson, led off the inning with a base hit, which was the start to our three run rally to go on top 15-12.

In the bottom of the 7th, the Cougars knew we needed to play winning defense to be triumphant.  The first two batters hit frozen ropes to center field both stabbing Stabber in the chest.  His heart was in the right place because he clutched the Clincher like the love of his life.  

Now the Cougars needed one last out and with Martini on the mound, now looking like Nolan Ryan, strikes out the last batter for a hard-earned and well-deserved victory.

We had a number of highlights:

• Melchiorre, the "Dean of Bean" fought the violent winds at the park and pitched strike after strike and notched two K's in his outing.

• Flandog was a mad dog on the basepaths, taking huge leads, swiping the extra base and scoring runs.  He hedges his bets at work and is incredibly aggressive on the field. 

• Dave "The Lip" Lipinski was an offensive and defensive star.  First, he drives over 4 hours from Iowa to get to the real Field of Dreams in Wilmette.  At the plate he ripped the ball to the gaps and racked up his RBI total.  In the field, he saved a number of runs with his stellar play at second base and started an incredible inning ending double play to stop a Star rally.

• The biggest stars of the game were Steve and Cheryl, our only fans on a late, cold, windy, school night.  They drove the 120 mile round trip, braved the elements and celebrated with us.  They are always at the top of the in-law starting lineup!

We brought the postgame over to the Cougar Shack and partied like we hit the jackpot.  While others, well, let's just say what happens at the Cougar postgame stays at the Cougar postgame.

We celebrated until the wee morning hours but our chicken dinner never arrived.  After the party was over I had my own cereal celebration, which was truly the Breakfast of Champions.

Recipe, But First Disaster

Congrats to the Tappers for their first victory in three seasons.

The Cougars lost 20-19 in a hard fought match.  If the Cougars judged success based on the level of drama rather than the actual result, then we would be in first place.

After the game Josh and I got gussied up and celebrated his victory.

There were a few highlights for the Cougars on the field but the best play of the night was at the postgame, of course, by Diddy.

Here is the recipe to be a winner on and off the field.  It is not a recipe for disaster.

Buffalo Chicken Dip

Servings: 12
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Bake Time: 30 to 40 minutes

Ingredients

• 4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, boiled and shredded (or 4 12.5-oz cans of chicken breast, shredded)
• 12 oz. bottle of hot sauce
• Two 8 oz. packages of cream cheese
• 16 oz. bottle of Ranch dressing
• 2 cups (8 oz.) shredded Monterey Jack or cheddar cheese (or a combination of both)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Combine the chicken with the bottle of hot sauce and spread in a 9×13-inch baking dish (or any 3-quart baking dish).
3. In a saucepan, combine the cream cheese and the ranch dressing over low heat until the cream cheese is completely melted and smooth. Pour the mixture evenly over the chicken. Then sprinkle the cheese on top.
4. Bake uncovered for 30 to 40 minutes or until bubbly. Let stand for 10 minutes before serving. Serve with celery sticks (and/or other vegetables), tortilla chips or crackers.

We love the game but it is the post-prefix that makes our night.

Why Did The Cougars Cross The Road?

Why did the Cougars cross the road?  To pluck the Chickens, of course.

Every week during the season the Cougars get up with the chickens, shake our tailfeathers and cross 17^th Street ready to strut our stuff with a sunny side up attitude. 

The Cougars/Chicken Shack matchup was the fourth all-time meeting and the first with their new fowl name. 

The name change is quite appropriate because with a 0-3 record against the former Hitmen, each game seems to taste like chicken to the Cougars.  Even with the lopsided record, this rivalry is still everything it is cracked up to be.

As the blog reviewed last week, the Shack is at the top of the pecking order and will remain so after last night.  With a final score of 10-8, the yolk was on the Cougars. 

So now, as usual, we will turn our chicken scratch into a full cock and bull story.

The top of the first inning left us with egg on our face. We made a number of bird brain plays in the field. But we didn’t brood about the errors; we know our hands are finger lickin’ good.  Our hatched plan finally worked and we proved it in the next couple innings by holding the Shackers scoreless.

In the middle innings, our chicken fingers tightly gripped the drumsticks and we beat the ball to the chicken wire in left field.  With aggressive baserunning, the Cougars scored and grabbed some chicken breast by repeatedly getting to second base.

In the end though, the Cougars were not able to make chicken salad from chicken poop and were the ones to lay an egg.  We looked like a farm team out there at times.

As always, the Cougar coop had their share of highlights. 

• Our spring chicken, Boomer, once again ruled the roost.  He is now 9 for 9 on the season and he has ended the chicken and egg debate.  Boom undoubtedly comes first.

• There is a Japanese proverb that states, “It is better to be the head of a chicken than the rear end of an ox.”  The Cougars agree with this wisdom because the Chickens’ heads were staring at the rear end of JOx all game.  Although it seems that he dashes around the bases like a chicken with its head cut off, he is no dumb cluck.  Jeremy is cock sure on how to get to home plate. 

• Diamond Dave is our tough old bird and his hard-boiled focus can be seen on the mound and at the plate.  The Dean of Bean scrambled the Shack bats and had them looking cock-eyed with his stellar pitching while he beat the ball like a cracked egg at the dish.  He and Barb then stuck their necks out for both squads and hosted a top-notch gathering at the best nest in Wilmette.

It was such an exciting game and having so many fans at the game on a glorious night made the match that much better. 

In fact, there was quite a hen party in the stands.  We had so many wives cheering behind our bench that it made me wonder if the Hot Chicks are really Cougars?  Hmm.

The next game against the Game is in two months. Now, we all know not to count your chickens before they hatch, but mother hen says to bet the nest egg on the big cats.  Then the Cougars will truly have something to crow about.

Words With Friends

In the dawn of the morning, just hours after the Cougars left the diamond, there was a certain buzzing in my head jarring me from my sleep.  Shaky, smelly and snoozy, this was certainly not the way to rise.  Was it an alarm?  Was it the remnants of last night's excess?  Nope, neither.

The wake-up cry was simply informing me that it was my move in the addictive app, Words With Friends.  An apt metaphor as Cougar words needed to be shared with Cougar friends.

Like softball, Words With Friends offers a competitive connectedness with comrades.

In the season opener, the Cougars were matched up against the rival Brown Stars.  Our goal was to play like Merriam-Webster and drop many seven letter words on them such as inspire, intense and impress.  Instead, we dropped the ball numerous times as well as a handful of four letter words that are only found in the Urban Dictionary.

Our first inning was quite scrabbled.  

The Brown Stars had the first move and placed their letters on the board's pink star and racked up a 4 point lead.  The Cougars mistakenly thought we were playing Numbers With Friends and quickly went down 1-2-3.

In subsequent moves on the surface, the Cougars hit the ball with as much glee as a 50 point tiledrop.  Unfortunately, we gave our opponent an opening by making our ERROR into ERRORS.

Heck, we would find it easier to play a Q word without a U than it was to put our hands firmly on the ball.

Although a tough night, there were a few highlights from the contest. 

• The Joke Writer, who is approaching the half-century mark, had two triple word scores on the bases and showed that even an old man can still get to third base twice in a night.  
• Flandog made a couple of impressive catches in the field.  In past blogs I may have referred to such outstanding fielding as "Pulling a Fortier;" however, this term will now be reserved only to reference hamstrings. 
• Our new Cougar cub, Boom, came out in his inaugural game and promptly went 4 for 4 while leaving a trail of smoke on the basepaths.  He was voted Newbie of the Year for the McKenzie Variety Show and he is the front runner for the Cougar Rookie of the Year (well, he is the only rookie).

When our racks were cleared, the Brown were the stars, outscoring the Green 15-9.  Given last season's results, this was not unexpected.

Before the season, the park district got in the alphabet game and decided to play A and B.  Our commissioner gave teams the option of a competitively competitive division or a recreationally competitive division.

The B division is comprised of six returning teams and one newcomer.  Based on last year's results, the B division final standings would have stacked up like this:

1. Chicken Shack (fka Hitmen)  5-0
2. Gullivers  4-1
3. Brown Stars  3-2
4. Ethervision  2-3
5. Cougars  1-4
6. Tappers  0-5
7. Geriatric Springers  NA

Shack is clearly the favorite in this new campaign and the Cougars are anxious to continue the rivalry this coming Tuesday night.  The Cougars are aiming to make our ballplay as good as our wordplay.

The Chickens are the best but the Cougars are going to try and kick their app.  You see, we spent the entire offseason mastering Angry Birds.

Pros Return and Prose Returns

"There are only three sports:  bullfighting, motor racing and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games."
- Ernest Hemingway

"There is nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at the typewriter and bleed."

- Ernest Hemingway

Obviously, Hemingway never played his hometown's greatest game.  If he had played, I am sure he would have bestowed 16" softball with a "preeminent sport" honor.  And then upon the game's conclusion he would have hemorrhaged all over his typewriter while writing the contest's narrative.

At the outset of the blogging and softball season, the blogger/athlete faces the formidable task of simultaneously conquering the white page and the white field.

Drawing parallels and hitting perpendicularly can drive writers and athletes to intoxicants.  This, of course, explains why our postgame celebrations are so exceptional.

Hemingway was known for his spare, tightly written text.  If he was captain of the Cougars, his annual inaugural letter would have plainly queried, "In or out?"

In contrast, your captain is known for his long-winded, meandering and never-get-to-the-point stories.  Heck, the last two opening statements covered the 1978 Tuesday night ABC lineup as well as  unemployment and sterilization.

We do have one thing in common.  Hemingway referred to his craftsmanship as the "iceberg theory," which is also referred to as the "theory of omission."  We all know that occasionally Cougar game summaries never even mention the actual game.

Fellow Cougars, as we begin the fourth chapter of our opus, will we say hello or farewell to your arms?

More Than A Mouthful

The day after our final game of the season is always a sad day for me (hmm, is it because I'm done playing or blogging?).

Our season ended with quite a thrilling game and if we were in Kohler, our score would have been the best.

We lost an 8-7 match filled with suspense and action. One of our heroes last night was Fortier. Interestingly, our man Steve is the only Cougar without a true nickname.

We have Trouter, Diddy, Stabber, Bobi, Martini, Philthy, Rads, Lil’ Rads, Hogs, JD, The Lip, The Joke Writer, Flandog and Diamond Dave. Heck, Oxer has two - JOx and Moose.

Steve does, in fact, have the unique honor of being the only Cougar that has a type of play named after him: an over the shoulder catch is called “pulling a Fortier.”

Well last night, trying to get dibs on a superhero nickname, Steve came to the field looking like Clark Kent.



With some coaxing, he finally took off his silly buttoned-up costume and, like the Man of Steel, he hit a moonshot into the sunset. He got our Cougar mojo back on track in the middle innings with his second homer of the year, tying The Joke Writer for the team lead.

Those middle innings were not without some pain though. Diamond Dave pitched an excellent game and smacked the ball around the field and getting on base just about every time at bat.

After one of his hot hits, The Dean of Bean (ok, he has a few nicknames too) was returning to first base after leading off and the catcher rocketed the softball (um, can you say misnomer) to first base and it battered our runner. Wilmette’s Renaissance Man caught the ball right in his choppers. Of course, it figures that the two medical professionals on the team were both out-of-network and could not come to the rescue.

Dave’s teeth put up a good fight and survived the incident (can we note that our man has been getting dental work for two straight years to get his teeth fixed - he visited the dentist today and all is well). In fact, he went back out there and pitched an excellent game and had a clutch hit in the last inning. He has given himself a new nickname: "Timex."



All season we played competitive and aggressive ball. Our play this year has improved markedly over the previous two campaigns. This year, we played a handful of one-run games, held the best team in the league to six runs and we almost knocked-out the Hitmen.

Our postgame food scored more than we did this year. We had all kinds of sausage, dips, meatballs, pizza, chips, and last night we topped it with softball sushi (guess who was in charge of food and what discount store he purchased it at).




Each week we arrive on the sacred land of Howard Park, or as Joe D. called it, the place where Moses lost his shoes, and we gather to express our totality (pretty deep, huh?) and then we go drink beer (yes, very shallow).

You see, sometimes softball is more than just softball. Sometimes it is merely a conduit to other activities. I mean, if you were to explain to your family that every Tuesday night in the summer, you were going to don green athletic clothes, hang out with other guys, drink beer and make fun of each other, your kin would put the kibosh on that.

So rather than outsource that decision making, we turned softball into a traveling party to which all families and friends are invited and have a blast. Well, I guess certain people are not invited because we have been scorned by three different neighbors this year.

What I would explain to these fuddy-duddies is that we only live once. We are simply trying to extract as much joy and fun as we can before the music ends. One of these days, Otto von Bismark will tell us to hang up the cleats.

Even if you disagree with our government following a Keynesian policy, you will agree with his quote, "In the long-run, we are all dead." (Yes, so far I have quoted the Old Testament and discussed two men who were born in the 1800's).

So, in the short-run, we will continue the party throughout the offseason. We will celebrate with our friends and families and paint Wilmette green.

And in nine short months we will give birth to a new season.

Great season boys!