At the Movies: Cougars vs. UBAA
A Softball Game Reviewed in the spirit of
Roger Ebert & Gene Siskel
ROGER EBERT (Smiling to Camera 1)
There are softball games, and then there are softball stories. The Cougars’ matchup with UBAA Tuesday evening at Howard Park felt less like a contest and more like a narrative—one part comedy, one part drama, one part human documentary. It was a tale of grit, resolve, chaos, and contradiction. A game that played with heart, even if the ending didn’t quite earn a standing ovation.
Like many midseason efforts, the production was not without its flaws. But it was rich with moments. A perfect rundown sequence. A flaming hamstring. A father-son batting duet. And a dugout speech immediately undone by the man who gave it. These are not the scenes of a forgettable game.
Let’s roll the film.
ROGER EBERT (Turns head to Camera 2)
Hello, I’m Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times.
GENE SISKEL
And I’m Gene Siskel of the Chicago Tribune. Today, we’re taking a break from Hollywood to focus on something a little closer to home: a softball game played this week at Howard Park between the long-running Cougars and a fast, strong, scrappy team called UBAA.
ROGER
And Gene, I have to say—if baseball is America’s pastime, then 16-Inch Softball is Chicago’s streetlight sonnet. No gloves, no mercy, and no time to think.
GENE (nodding)
That’s right. And this game had everything you’d want from a summer movie—drama, comedy, a hot hamstring, and a perfect chase sequence that would’ve made both James Bond and the Three Stooges smile.
ROGER
And the Cougars? They’ve been around long enough to have their own legacy sequel. Veterans. Grit. Character arcs. And a flair for the dramatic.
It wasn’t a win for the Cougars, but like a lot of great films, this wasn’t about the ending. It was about the journey and lessons. Let’s walk through the innings.
INNING 1
GENE
So we open in the top of the first. The Cougars got a clean single from Evan. Strong start.
ROGER
And then Andy absolutely creamed a ball—it’s one of the hardest hits of the game—should’ve ripped a hole through the fabric of the infield but it landed right into defensive hands. Double play. Scene over.
GENE
You know, Roger, it was an opening scene that teased hope but delivered tension.
ROGER
Exactly. Then UBAA came up in the bottom half. Two infield singles, then two up-the-middle hits, and they’re up 2–0. It wasn’t flashy, but it was efficient.
INNING 2
GENE
Top of the second—Eddy and Fort each punched in singles, and then Martini dropped a bloop double on the right field line. The Cougars were on the board with a run.
ROGER
And Gene, this inning is where the Cougars started showing their character. Scratching, clawing. You could feel it building.
GENE
Then in the bottom half we had the play of the game: the rundown. Kyle to Crawdaddy to Charley to Martini.
ROGER
Yes, Gene. I agree that was the play of the night. After two routine outs, UBAA blooped and dribbled their way to runners on first and second. A single smashed to Kyle in right field scored the lead runner and then the trailing runner became the Bandit in the black Trans Am trying to score all the way from first base. Kyle came up throwing and launched a rope home to Crawdaddy, who not only avoided the barreling lead runner, but noticed the other guy trying to sneak home. What followed was choreographed chaos—Crawdaddy to Charley, Charley to Martini, and Martini with the tag at the plate. And unlike the original version, Smokey caught the Bandit this time.
GENE
Yes. A crowd pleaser and a scene stealer. Did you see the production stills from that rundown? The runner looked like he was speeding up and slowing down at the same time.
ROGER
Yes, just perfect. It’s not just the execution—it’s the pacing, the timing, the absurdity. Crawdaddy chased the runner back like he was in a slapstick caper. That rundown deserves an Oscar.
INNING 3
GENE
Top three: Kyle smashed one, Crawdaddy moved him over, Charley walked, Ev legged one out. Andy delivered a super solid shot that tallied two to tie the test at three. The momentum was shifting towards the Cougars at this point, Roger.
ROGER
Yes, Gene. This is the payoff we were waiting for. The Cougars were clicking. It was like the midpoint of a good underdog movie when the tide starts to turn.
GENE
But the bottom half is where UBAA loaded the bases… and got nothing. The Cougars held firm. No swelling music, no big montage. Just solid defense.
INNING 4
ROGER
Fort got a hit in the fourth, but that was it for the top. Then the Cougars defense handled the bottom of the inning like a seasoned cast—Andy, Martini to JD, Boom. No panic.
GENE
Still 3–3. You could feel the tension.
ROGER
Yes, and this game was well-paced too. I’m going to give credit to Brad, the longtime Howard Park umpire. The blue is always the unsung hero.
GENE
Usually the umpire is the villain.
ROGER
Now, don’t get thrown out Gene; we have a show to finish.
INNING 5
GENE
Charley hit a worm-burner that scraped through the infield in the top half. But nothing else happened.
Roger, let’s pause here to note the directing performance. UBAA played a bold defensive formation—four outfielders, no short center. It altered the trajectory of several potential hits and became a quiet subplot of the night.
ROGER (leaning in)
It changed the entire tone. A film shot entirely in wide-angle. Nothing dropped in. Everything was covered.
And then the bottom of the fifth hit like a third-act twist: two singles and then UBAA’s young star launched a majestic three-run homer to left, followed by a single and a skidding triple. Suddenly, it was 7–3. The plot flipped.
INNING 6
GENE
Now here’s the emotional part of the movie we have been waiting for. Andy and John—father and son—back-to-back singles. A beautiful moment. Fort plated them both with a clutch single. Cougars scored two to close the gap to 7-5 and were still going strong.
ROGER
After that big hit by Fort, Martini hit an infield chopper and sprinted down the line. He beat the throw, but his hamstring detonated and he hit the ground like a man on fire. He was stop, drop, and roll and then he was exit, stage left.
GENE
“He was stop, drop, and roll and then he was exit, stage left?” Sounds like a line from a country song. Was that on the soundtrack?
ROGER
Nice, Gene. Eddy came in to pinch run for Martini but he was stranded. The Cougars trailed 7–5 and the story was still alive.
GENE
In the bottom of the sixth inning, CharleyRads took the mound for an aching Martini and got the first out. Then UBAA peppered in a single, a liner, a sac fly for a ribbie, and a single for one more trickling RBI. They weren’t swinging big—just enough to keep the Cougars chasing. 9–5, UBAA.
INNING 7 – FINALE
ROGER
Ok Gene, we are at the finale.
GENE
Yes, the top of the seventh. How about that pre-inning dugout speech by Boom?
He said, “Let’s not do anything crazy on the bases!”
ROGER
That was something, Gene. I knew it was foreshadowing but I was certainly wrong about what it was actually foreshadowing.
GENE
I agree, Roger. It was really one of those things you just can’t script.
ROGER
Boom led off with a single and Crawdaddy…
GENE (smirking)
Hold on, Roger. This is a fun play to recap. I think Captain Cougar would like you to say “crushed the Clincher.”
ROGER (smiling and shaking head)
Yes, you’re right. He sure does adore alliteration.
GENE (tilts head, raises eyebrows, and smirks)
He is an excellent embellisher, too.
ROGER (Holds in laughter, pauses to regain composure, then begins)
Alright, let’s start this play over-
Boom, or should I say the guy who said, “Let’s not do anything crazy on the bases,” crushed the Clincher to lead off the inning. Then, Crawdaddy’s fielder’s choice landed Boom safely at second base. And then Boom immediately did something crazy. He never landed, he just… kept…kept…going. He rounded second and charged third.
GENE
That’s right, Roger. A man named Boom needs no stuntman - he does his own action scenes.
He dove headfirst into the dirt and swam into third base like Tom Cruise playing Michael Phelps in a Naked Gun movie. Comedy gold.
ROGER (wide-eyed, amazed that Gene was capable of such a clever hyperbolic analogy)
Tom Cruise playing Michael Phelps in a Naked Gun movie? - now that’s comedy gold, Gene.
GENE (tips imaginary hat)
Thank you. I know Captain Cougar would be proud.
ROGER
You’re right, Gene, but let’s get back to the game. Evan brought “not-so-crazy after all” Boom home with a late-inning RBI, but it was curtains after that.
GENE
Roll credits.
WRAP-UP SEGMENT
ROGER
So Gene, for me, Cougars vs. UBAA was a game with flaws—some defensive missteps, some stranded runners—but it’s also a film with soul. The Cougars gave us effort, humor, and heart. And that rundown? That’s an all-time scene.
GENE
I agree with you, Roger—mostly. I loved the grit. I loved the comeback. I just wanted one more big moment. That walk-off hit. That third-act redemption. We didn’t get it.
ROGER
No, we didn’t. But what we got was honest. And often hilarious.
GENE
So I’m giving it a thumbs… sideways. Not down. Not quite up. But leaning toward respect.
ROGER
I’m going thumbs up—because effort counts, and stories like this one don’t always show up in the box score. I’d watch this team again. I’d write about them again.
GENE
I believe the Cougars final act in the playoffs will be four stars and two thumbs up.
ROGER
Yes, that’s something on which we completely agree, Gene.
GENE (to camera)
That’s our show. For Cougars vs. UBAA, Roger gives it a thumbs up. I give it a hesitant sideways lean. Join us next time and until then…
ROGER
Keep your eye on the ball, and your heart in the game.
GENE
Goodnight, Chicagoland.
Cougars vs. UBAA
★★½ stars out of four.
A gritty ensemble performance. Best appreciated by Cougar fans, students of effort, and lovers of the imperfect underdog story.
Game Video
Here is a classic At the Movies episode that shows their chemistry and has lots of debate.
Scorebook
