More Than A Mouthful

The day after our final game of the season is always a sad day for me (hmm, is it because I'm done playing or blogging?).

Our season ended with quite a thrilling game and if we were in Kohler, our score would have been the best.

We lost an 8-7 match filled with suspense and action. One of our heroes last night was Fortier. Interestingly, our man Steve is the only Cougar without a true nickname.

We have Trouter, Diddy, Stabber, Bobi, Martini, Philthy, Rads, Lil’ Rads, Hogs, JD, The Lip, The Joke Writer, Flandog and Diamond Dave. Heck, Oxer has two - JOx and Moose.

Steve does, in fact, have the unique honor of being the only Cougar that has a type of play named after him: an over the shoulder catch is called “pulling a Fortier.”

Well last night, trying to get dibs on a superhero nickname, Steve came to the field looking like Clark Kent.



With some coaxing, he finally took off his silly buttoned-up costume and, like the Man of Steel, he hit a moonshot into the sunset. He got our Cougar mojo back on track in the middle innings with his second homer of the year, tying The Joke Writer for the team lead.

Those middle innings were not without some pain though. Diamond Dave pitched an excellent game and smacked the ball around the field and getting on base just about every time at bat.

After one of his hot hits, The Dean of Bean (ok, he has a few nicknames too) was returning to first base after leading off and the catcher rocketed the softball (um, can you say misnomer) to first base and it battered our runner. Wilmette’s Renaissance Man caught the ball right in his choppers. Of course, it figures that the two medical professionals on the team were both out-of-network and could not come to the rescue.

Dave’s teeth put up a good fight and survived the incident (can we note that our man has been getting dental work for two straight years to get his teeth fixed - he visited the dentist today and all is well). In fact, he went back out there and pitched an excellent game and had a clutch hit in the last inning. He has given himself a new nickname: "Timex."



All season we played competitive and aggressive ball. Our play this year has improved markedly over the previous two campaigns. This year, we played a handful of one-run games, held the best team in the league to six runs and we almost knocked-out the Hitmen.

Our postgame food scored more than we did this year. We had all kinds of sausage, dips, meatballs, pizza, chips, and last night we topped it with softball sushi (guess who was in charge of food and what discount store he purchased it at).




Each week we arrive on the sacred land of Howard Park, or as Joe D. called it, the place where Moses lost his shoes, and we gather to express our totality (pretty deep, huh?) and then we go drink beer (yes, very shallow).

You see, sometimes softball is more than just softball. Sometimes it is merely a conduit to other activities. I mean, if you were to explain to your family that every Tuesday night in the summer, you were going to don green athletic clothes, hang out with other guys, drink beer and make fun of each other, your kin would put the kibosh on that.

So rather than outsource that decision making, we turned softball into a traveling party to which all families and friends are invited and have a blast. Well, I guess certain people are not invited because we have been scorned by three different neighbors this year.

What I would explain to these fuddy-duddies is that we only live once. We are simply trying to extract as much joy and fun as we can before the music ends. One of these days, Otto von Bismark will tell us to hang up the cleats.

Even if you disagree with our government following a Keynesian policy, you will agree with his quote, "In the long-run, we are all dead." (Yes, so far I have quoted the Old Testament and discussed two men who were born in the 1800's).

So, in the short-run, we will continue the party throughout the offseason. We will celebrate with our friends and families and paint Wilmette green.

And in nine short months we will give birth to a new season.

Great season boys!

Limerick Losers

There once was a team named the Cougars
They always ended up the losers
Bobis hit a four bagger
But we couldn’t remove the dagger
So we went to the postgame to be boozers

The afterparty was hosted by Lipsey
We drowned our sorrows and got tipsy
A tasty dip and meatballs galore
Kristen’s dish was something to adore.
We acted like pigs and ate it up in a jiffy

Next week we start the championship run
If we lose we are over and done
A win will get us a second game
Nothing to lose and everything to gain
Because either way we’re off to postgame fun

Twosday Night Fun

No literary acrobatics today (ok, maybe some). Just the straight scoop and a pictorial presentation from Cougar Central.

The Cougars played a doubleheader last night and lost both games.

Before the double feature, we started out with the annual team picture. All 16 teammates in one place at one time. First time ever. Just short of a miracle.

In the opener, we played the Brown Stars and lost 4-3. We made a run for it in the bottom of the 7th but could not close the deal.

It was a well fought game highlighted by a Fortier HR. He was in the on-deck circle and said it was about time he hit a deep shot to the right center gap, which he proceeded to do and then he pranced around all four bases.

Marc, or Lil' Rads, as he is known on the South Side, played in his first game in over 18 months. He showed no signs of rust at the plate or in the field. He hustled all over the park and showed no signs that his daily Portillo's lunch is slowing him down.

Speaking of slowing down, the Brown Stars must have taken Joe D's advice to slow the game down when the other team is starting to rally. In the bottom of the 7th inning as we were mounting a comeback, the catcher for the Brown Stars just about passed out from heat exhaustion. We stopped the game for about 10 minutes so we could tend to his needs. Well, we is not precise. Hoglund, who is a true clutch player and has experience in these matters, calmed and cared for the worried and overheated catcher until backup arrived.

In this picture, Dan truly made the play of the game.

I traded emails with Captain Brown Star and found out that his catcher was admitted to the hospital last night as a precautionary measure but is now doing well and coming home today.

After all the flashing red exited the field, the Cougars went down the ROY G BIV spectrum and next up was Team Orange.

We have been slaughtered each time against Team Orange and have never played more than 5 innings against them. Last year, we lost 18-1 to them. And in our first Cougar game ever against them, we lost 36-1. They were so strong, we thought Orange juiced.

Team Orange is the two-time defending league champion. This year, our goal was to play seven full innings and stay competitive.

We achieved our goal and only lost 6-1. Our defense and pitching were the drivers to our successful effort. With just one run every game, our hitting and run production have been very consistent. Well, except for Oxer.

Oxer is putting on a hitting clinic over the last few games. He is smashing the ball and fist bumping all over the field.


JOx has graciously offered up his hitting knowledge with any slumping Cougars.

Other highlights included Flandog's flawless infield play, Martin's taunting third base action, and Melchiorre's and Martin's stellar high arcs on the mound.

It was one of our better efforts and we are anxious to beat them in the playoffs.

After the game, the Cougar clan headed over to the Fortier pad.

The postgame was nothing short of spectacular. Susan and Steve put on quite an event. Everyone had a blast.

We may have gone 0-2 on the night (and Diddy was 0-3 on the night - he subbed for Tappers after our two games) but given that all 16 guys were there for the annual team picture and the postgame was top-notch, I say that we started and ended the night as winners.

Here is a big shout out to all of our families and friends who helped make it a picture perfect night.

Hoosier Daddy

Captain Cougar's day job took him to Cleveland and caused him to miss another game. So Scott agreed to let me write another blog entry if I could meet (or at least come closer to) the normal Wednesday delivery.

Given my short deadline, I figured I needed a framework to build around. So I'm trotting out the tired "compare something to movie quotes" gimmick. (Next week: a running diary of the Cougars game.) I must say, it's not hard to see why a columnist (or in this case, a Published Blogger) would resort to this device -- it gives you license to jump from topic to topic with no need to even attempt to create some sort of cohesive narrative, and, most importantly, it allows the writer to literally cut and paste half of the column.

But the only question was which movie. Given that the Cougars are almost always the ultimate underdogs, the lovable losers, the Cinderella story waiting to happen, the first thought was a classic underdog sports movies. But which one? As hard as I looked, I couldn't find a 16" softball classic movie. I could have went with the obvious worst-to-first baseball classic, The Bad News Bears. A few weeks ago, the analogy would have been more apt, at least when it came to the Bears' skipper, Mr. Buttermaker, and our manager, Mr. Radtke.


Alas, the analogy is less compelling now that our formerly unemployed, unkempt, beer-swilling leader is now employed, kempt and beer-sipping.

Undeterred, I turned to the best sports movie of all time, Hoosiers, for the memorable quotes below.

Preacher Purl: And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it. And it struck the Philistine on the head and he fell to the ground. Amen.

• The parallels between David, Hickory High and the Cougars are eerie. All three were outmanned underdogs courageously facing an epic battle with a superior foe. Well, I guess that's about it.

Coach Norman Dale: If you put your effort and concentration into playing to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don't care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game, in my book we're gonna be winners.

• While our effort and concentration cannot be questioned, the scoreboard at the end of the game said Hitmen 17, Cougars 13. In my book, that makes us losers.

Coach Norman Dale: I've seen you guys can shoot but there's more to the game than shooting. There's fundamentals and defense.

• The Cougars' D was not flawless this week, but we had our moments. There was a beautiful Martin-Brennan-Bender double play to quell a Hitmen uprising in the second. Diamond Dave Melchiorre had several nice plays on the mound. Dan "Stabber" Bookstaber patrolled right field like a hawk, robbing the Hitmen of several hits and putting on a good show for his expanding clan. And of course, Zinedine Oxer put on a show of his own, scoring a beautiful goal on a strong volley from thirty yards out. It was a shame the ump decided to disallow JOx's goal and instead award the Hitmen with a goal, er, run of their own. (Or at least that's what we think the ump decided, he never actually made a call.) The upshot was that Oxer's one-inning foray in short center only solidified his standing at catcher.

Wilbur 'Shooter' Flatch: Clete, you tell him. Sectionals of '33, one point down. Five, four, three, two, one, let 'er fly... in and out. Yeah, well, I was fouled...

• The Cougars weren't the only ones to make memorable plays in the field. Just as Shooter was describing in dramatic detail his shot at glory that came up just short, one day Flynner will have his own story: "Cougars game of '10. Bender up. Line drive over my head. I turn to my left. I turn to my right. I backpedal. I reach up...ball hits off my hand, I tumble over backwards, Bender gets a triple. Yeah, well, sun was in my eyes." (It was great to see Flynn and Melchiorre make the extra effort to play in the Cross-Town Classic before heading off to band camp.)
  

Coach Norman Dale: [as Rade gets up to check in the first game after Merle fouls out, even though Coach Dale has benched him] Where are you going?
Coach Norman Dale: [Rade, puzzled, looks at him] Sit down.
Rade: You gotta have five out there!
Coach Norman Dale: Sit... down!
Referee: You need one more, coach.
Coach Norman Dale: My team's on the floor!

• In a movie filled with great scenes, this is one of the best. Luckily, the Cougars' team on the field didn't have to play shorthanded. Huge thanks to our three replacements, Tim Brennan, Edwin Bender and Cleland Noe for helping the Cougars, who were decimated by injury (Lipinski), fundraisers (Flannery), business travel (Rads, Fortier), Rock Lobsters (Hoglund), coaching (Trouter) and other preoccupations that I'm sure were equally important.

Coach Norman Dale: Strap, in for Everett. Don't shoot the ball unless you're under the basket all by yourself!
Coach Norman Dale: What's gotten into you?
Strap Purl: The Lord! I can feel His strength!
Coach Norman Dale: Well... keep His strength in the dribble alright?

• After going into an extended slumber for a few weeks, the Cougar bats woke up against the Hitmen. The Cougars jumped out to an early 3-0 lead, took the Hitmen's four-run counter-punch and exploded for eight runs in the fourth inning. The rally was highlighted by blistering smashes and lightning dashes (how's that for a Radtke-esque flourish?) up and down the lineup. In one key at bat, Oxer comes to the plate with runners on the corners (that means first and third, Jeremy). A Cougar teammate (and occasional blogger) yells to Jeremy, "C'mon, Oxer, a groundball scores the runner." But JOx refused to be underestimated. Just as the under appreciated Strap came off the bench to hit some key shots, Oxer smashed a line drive that split the Flynn/O'Brien gap. For any mere mortal, the hit would have been an easy double. But Jeremy somehow stretched it into a stand-up single. (He claims the dastardly Hitmen impeded his baserunning at first base, but for anyone who's seen Jeremy chug around the bases, it's hard to imagine anybody or anything slowing him down.) Other offensive highlights: Bobis matching Bender's aforementioned triple with one of his own, Dr. Phil continuing his season-long hot hitting and Melchiorre stroking perfectly-placed liners.

Coach Norman Dale: First of all, let's be real friendly here, okay? My name is Norm. Secondly, your coaching days are over.
George: Look, mister, there's... two kinds of dumb, uh... guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and, uh, guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don't matter, the second one you're kinda forced to deal with.

• A big thanks to Meg McDonnell who was forced to deal with Cougars (and Hitmen and Tappers and cougars and kids) in her living room, basement and backyard when Dr. Phil graciously offered up the compound for the postgame party. Luckily, Flandog was otherwise occupied so nobody got naked and barked at the moon.

Wilbur 'Shooter' Flatch: I know everything there is to know about the greatest game ever invented.

• Just as Shooter had an encyclopedic knowledge of four-star recruits, backdoor cuts and playoff seeds, our own Peter Lipsey has a Rand McNally-ic knowledge of one-star motels, backwater towns and seedy establishments. Lipsey entertained the postgame stragglers with his tales from the road from his other life as a standup comic.

Coach Norman Dale: [after history class] What's on your mind?
Everett Flatch: Well, coach... what you're doin' with my dad. I'm not seein' it. I mean, he's a drunk, he'll do somethin' stupid...
Coach Norman Dale: When's the last time anyone gave your father a chance?
Everett Flatch: He don't deserve a chance!

• As Scott has shown us, the great thing about writing a blog is that you can hijack it for your own personal messages. So here's mine. You may have noticed my parents at several of my, Miranda's and Charley's games this year, and you may be wondering if they've moved to the North Shore. No, they're still making the trek from Mokena almost every Tuesday. And Monday and Wednesday and Thursday. I know they enjoy watching the Cougars, as well as Miranda's and Charley's games, and we love having them out there. At least until Dad inevitably pulls a Shooter by getting drunk, wandering on the field and berating the ump.

Coach Norman Dale: There's a, um tradition in tournament play- not talk about the next step until you've climbed the one in front of you. I'm sure going to the state finals is beyond your wildest dreams, so let's just keep it right there.

• Looking ahead, the Cougars have a double dip next Tuesday, Brown Stars at 6 and Team Orange at 7. Sweeping the doubleheader is beyond our wildest dreams, and we'll keep it right there.

Coach Norman Dale: I love you guys.

• Well, I really like you guys anyway.

A final word for those Cougars who have openly questioned whether the Kangaroo Court is still in session. The KC has been on sabbatical but is returning with a vengeance. Like the Michigan City cop who tried to meet his quota by issuing a "following too closely" ticket for to a certain fangquack, the KC needs to make up for lost time. Be advised that the wheels of justice as turned by the KC will show no mercy, no matter if your brother happens to be the local prosecutor (or your brother-in-law happens to be the Judge).

Yesterday is Regrettable, Tomorrow Still Hypothetical

My scholastic years were marred with bad grades. When we had an open house or a parent conference at school, my teacher would suggest that I order the tests, quizzes and other graded papers in reverse. So the lowest marks would be on top and the highest grades would be reviewed last. This way, when my parents were scanning my work they would only remember the last few excellent grades.

Typically, the blog closes with the game result, especially when we are not victorious. This week, we will begin by stating that we lost 8-1 to SLAM and hopefully the recency effect will come into play as you finish your reading.

Sticking with the science thread, today's title comes from the last line in this New York Times article. It is a compelling piece and it demonstrated that people’s thoughts, even on such abstract subjects as time and space, translate into movements of the body.

Cougar movement was regrettable last night. What were we thinking? Certainly not about victory.

The highlight of the game was in the third inning when Philthy stepped in the batter's box glowered at the pitcher and displayed a threatening portrait of power. Then, with the fat part of the bat, Dr. Phil slammed a grounder that landed about 16 inches in front of the plate and hustled it out for a single to keep his hitting streak alive. McNasty immediately followed that piece of work with another on bases as he was trying to avoid a force out at second base and violently slid into the shortstop who then tumbled farther than the base hit.

The highlights for SLAM were the two balls that the roidhead hit to the left field fence. In each case the Hitpeople in the alley were buzzing like the cicadas that can't count to 17.

Yes, a perfect segue to the Hitmen. Last night, your captain played for the Hitmen before the Cougar game. The Hitmen lost to Miller Time and it was a close one. I was fired up for the game and wore a shirt that wins the trifecta: Cougar Green, Hitmen, White Sox.

The Cougars play the Hitmen tonight and although many players from each team will be absent, the rivalry is stronger than ever.

The Hitmen are sort of like the Cubs for me. When my White Sox play the Cubs, I hope the Sox crush them. When Cubs play anyone else, I hope they do well. (Yes, I am equating the Hitmen to the Cubbies.)

The Cougars are anxious to beat up on the Hitmen and steal their Chicken Shack after the game and make a hypothetical into a reality.

Bloggin' Ain't Easy

Here's some Lipsey-style trivia: what do Gene Bartow, Mike Bordick, Jay Fiedler, Woody Boyd have in common?

When Scott said he was going to miss last week’s game and asked for volunteers to write the blog, the silence from the Cougars was stunning. Cougars are not known for their reluctance to speak up, so why were there no other volunteers? For the same reason you didn’t see people lining up to replace a legend. Which brings us back to the trivia question. Each of those guys replaced a legend: John Wooden, Cal Ripken, Dan Marino and Ernie “Coach” Pantusso of “Cheers” fame. While some did better (Woody) than others (Bartow), it’s never easy to fill the shoes (or, in this case, laptop, green shirt and protective cup) of a legend, even for one week.

It’s even harder when that legend wears so many hats. Imagine if Ripken not only played shortstop, but also flew the team plane, washed the uniforms and dragged the infield dirt, or if Coach not only served drinks, but also drove Norm and Cliff home at closing time, babysat Carla’s kids and styled May Day Malone’s hairpiece. In this case, the job called for someone to manage like Tony LaRussa, change personnel on the fly like Joel Quenneville, play shortstop like Luis Aparicio, plan postgame parties like Martha Stewart and blog like Perez Hilton.

So with all that pressure, who better than the legend himself to give some blogging advice. I asked Scott what I needed to do to blog like him, and he suggested that I follow the Radtke Best Blogging Practices: quit your job, stop shaving and start writing the blog at 5:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning. Unfortunately, I ignored each of those RBBPs, which explains why you’re reading the blog now, several days after the normal Wednesday publication date. But after trying to write this blog, it’s hard to not give Scott his props. It’s not easy to come up with one idea, much less to crank out winners week after week.

Whether it’s a blog about punctuation and grammar or an entry from Miranda’s perspective or a public love letter to Melchiorre, Scott has consistently knocked it out of the park. Just as it’s easy to take for granted the time we spend each week reading the blog, it’s also easy to forget how much of his heart and soul (and patio and grill) Scott puts in to the Cougars.

Indeed, the manager of the Cougars not only puts out lots of fires, he also opens a Can of A Lot of Responsibility. To see how much that Scotty gives to the Cougars each week, just look at how many Cougars it took to try to pick up the slack caused by his absence: (1) Martini hauled the equipment back and forth, set the batting order and made the lineup changes every inning, (2) Fortier returned from all corners of the globe to take over (or reclaim his position) at shortstop, (3) Danielsen affably hosted postgame beer-quaffing festivities, and (4 & 5) your Pinch Blogger (along with his copy editor) is attempting to fill some space on the blog. Unfortunately, our efforts to entice this woman to the Cougars game were unsuccessful, so we couldn’t find anyone to replace all the hugs we usually receive from Scott.

A short digression on our Interim Manager. Knowing that Martini is often the straw that stirs the Cougar drink. Scotty asked Martini to step in to the role of Manager for this week. When it came to making the batting lineup, Martini took a shot with his novel first-come, first-bat approach (which persuaded Philthy to arrive at Howard Park at 4pm only to jam his (non-cavity-filling) fingers making a catch in the first and losing his chance to bat lead off). Martini also shook things up with his Home Depot “do it yourself” approach to lineup changes. Whereas Scotty meticulously plots every substitution and position change, Martini was a little more hands off (“if you were on the bench last inning, find a position this inning”). The only ingredient Martini forgot to add to the lineup was some mojo, and as a result we never had one of our signature Cougar rallies. If only Trouter could have brought some of the MSDS mojo to the game, the Cougars might have been able to stage a rally from behind. But despite Scott’s challenge to beat a winless team, we couldn’t catch a buzz without him.

By the way, some of you might be wondering what was so important that caused our fearless leader to miss the game. Suffice to say, Scott is always looking for an edge to improve the team. To illustrate, let’s first review a little Cougars history:

• Scott formed the Cougars in the spring of 2008 after scouring the area for the top softball (or other) talent and aggressively out-recruiting Team Orange for the cream of the local softball crop.

• After it became apparent that the Cougars perhaps were not firing on all cylinders in their inaugural season, Scott set out to find the finest (or perhaps only) 16" softball guru in the country. When he found that there was nobody that fit the description, Scott didn’t let that deter him. If there's not a 16" swing coach to be found, Scott decided to create one. How? He found the legendary Joe D, golf swing fixer extraordinaire and 16” legend, convinced him to trek out to Howard to give a hitting lesson to the Willbillies, and the rest is Cougar history.

• Before the 2009 season, Scott spent countless days searching for that small edge would push the Cougars over the hump and into the upper 90% of the league. Those research efforts eventually resulted in Scott purchasing four bats that he carefully selected to improve the Cougars’ swings. (It appears that Melchiorre took to heart Scott’s research on the optimal bat weight by hand-carving his version of Wonderboy, a 37 oz behemoth that Babe Ruth would have struggled to swing but that Flannery waved around like a toothpick.)
  

• Never satisfied, Scott continued his unending quest for respectability, by signing a free agent earlier this season, the first addition in the short and undistinguished history of the Cougars – the Stabber, who was immortalized in a previous blog post.

Which brings us to where Scott was this week. Scott learned a lesson from Charlie Weis and Ron Zook: in order to achieve consistent mediocrity, a coach must recruit nationally. So Scott spent this week searching the nation for the best talent to add to the Cougars. Here’s a picture of his scouting trip that kept him from Tuesday’s game. (I don’t want to give away the big announcement, but apparently Scott thinks he’s discovered some help for the Cougars, some guy named Mauer, who will platoon with Oxer at catcher.)

Next week is another big week for the Cougars with SLAM on Tuesday and the Hitmen on Wednesday. Not that the Cougars need any bulletin board (or blog) material to get motivated for the Hitmen game, but it seems the Hitmen may be getting a little overconfident after winning the first two Cross-town Classics. These pictures were taken in Flynn’s garage after another Chicken Shack fueled Hitmen party.

We've not been able to confirm the rumor that Witzy was seen driving through town with a moose strapped to the roof of his car, but expect "Moose" Oxer and the rest of the Cougars to be fired up for that game.

Oh, I almost forgot to recap last week’s Cougars/Gulliver’s game: we lost. Badly.

A Can of Alot of Opportunity

A three game winning streak. Can you believe it? The opportunity was staring us down and all we thought was, "we can do this." It was a "can of opportunity."


In fact, given we were playing a beatable Generation Y team, it was a "can of a alot of opportunity."

"Can of opportunity, huh?" "Can of alot of opportunity, what?"

Let me explain. You see, the Chieftons are a youthful bunch. We all wanted a victory and I needed some help developing a strategy to beat these kids who are greener than the Cougars. So I went to Trouter.

Our man Glenn is president of a software company where 50% of the workforce is in their 20's. In fact, his company was named one of the top places to work in Chicago for the Generation Y crowd.

Just watch this clip and you'll understand.

Well, sadly, our "can of alot of opportunity" turned into a can of worms.

Like MSDSonline, for the Cougars, some Tuesdays can be a struggle and a challenge but almost every Tuesday is fun. The Trophy Generation Chieftons opened a can of whup-ass on the Gen X and Baby Boomer Cougars.

(Interestingly enough, Melchiorre's firm, Trading Technologies, was also named one of the top Gen Y employers. Um, they must have hid Dave in a closet the day that was decided.)

The fun for the Cougars did not start until the postgame. As usual, we rocked the house. Everywhere you looked there were beer and brats, as in sausages; the kids were well-behaved. Just don't ask the neighbor across the street, who Trouter reported opened a can of crank on the kids on our front porch, "Be quiet! Children, it’s 10 o'clock, you should be in bed. Why are you awake at this late hour? Where is the adult supervision? There are no adults outside! Be quiet. Go to bed. Stop that racket!” That could explain the alley drive-by from Wilmette's finest a little while later.

We did have a ton of friends, families, and neighbors out last night. Tuesday night's troublemakers included some bye-week Hitmen / Hitwomen, who were out to cheer on their comrades, Flynner and OB, who were subbing for the shorthanded Cougars. Heck, even some of the Tappers stopped by after their game. My nieces, nephews, in-laws, and Coach traveled from the south suburbs and Northwest Indiana to get rowdy at the party. Our neighbor, Kimberly, who lives next door to the crank, enjoyed the shindig as well. Maybe it was Oscar who called the police? Hmm.

We will never regain our youth but we sure can act like 20-year olds at the postgame.

At 9:00 p.m. next week Miller Time is on tap, and this time we plan to bring a can opener.

Apostrophe Catastrophe

In my younger days I was punctuationally challenged. I could not get it right. Literally, IT was brutal for me. C'mon, is it, its, its' or it's? Fortunately, Julie came to the rescue. You see, we were living together in college (well, to be honest, it was my fifth year of undergrad - with two more to go - and her first year of grad school - and I'm older than she - or is it her); and I was struggling with certain parts of my writing assignments, especially the apostrophe. So she made this cheat sheet for me 18 years ago, which I still keep tucked away in my trusty Chicago Manual of Style.

What in the world does this have to do with softball? Well, we played last year's runner-up last night. The Brew-Ha's are ragtag bunch of smart and experienced players and always seem to find a path to victory. But their punctuation is way off. I mean, really, what are they possessing? It sure isn't a victory.

Good readers, you will be elated to know that your Cougars (not Cougar's or Cougars') laughed and Brew Ha-Ha'd to an 8-4 victory last night. We schooled them - grammar schooled that is.

The Cougars put an exclamation point down in the first inning while scoring thrice and held the linguistic losers to a lone run. In fact, we did not give up more than one run in any inning. We punctuated our three run inning with a couple of runs in the middle innings and then bookended the game with three more runs.

No question marks in this victory - we kicked asterisks!

Here are some of the highlights:

• Hogs made a couple outstanding plays in the infield, including snagging a smashed grounder and then diving to tag the advancing runner.
• Philthy went against the green and wore his white soccer gear. He will gladly pay up in Kangaroo Court for not wearing Cougar green as he went 3 for 3 last night.
• Under pressure with two outs and a man on third, Bobi crushed a single to give us a late inning insurance run and played a great second base. (Thank goodness our man has a writer for a wife so he knows when to use Bobis' or Bobises or Bobi).
  
• Martini was all-purpose last night. He played a larcenous 3B, taunted the opponent with his one inning on the mound, sparked us at bat every time and positioned the outfielders correctly ("this guy pulls it...or he might go to right").
  
• Diddy was once again a hero in left field. He caught everything hit in his vicinity. Captain Brew Ha was screaming at his team to not hit it to left field. He performed his magic at the plate as well.
  
• The Dean of Bean pitched a marvelous masterpiece. He was money with so many first pitch strikes.
• Captain Cougar, trying to get some mojo from Philthy, sported a gray shirt and green bandana, was a HR away from the cycle.
  
• Lipsey and consistency rhyme for a reason. The Joke Writer played a flawless CF and hammered the ball at the plate.
  
• Postgame Allstar made a number of sweet catches at first base digging the ball out of the dirt.
• Flandog was once again a solid defender and knocked in an RBI.
• Trouter showed up a bit late because of Trevian coaching duty but cheered us on heartily. As good as Trouter is at the game, he is even better at the postgame.
  
• JOx still has not paid his entry fee so I am not sure I can give him props, although he did have the best chatter behind the plate. My guess is that he is still looking for a Cougar Coupon for a discounted fee. (Next year he should try Groupon.com.) JOx did point out that he has been at two games this season and we have won both of them.
  
• Speaking of undefeated, The Stabber is truly the only player unbeaten in his Cougar career. Since we have added him to the roster two games ago he has played marvelously and not experienced a loss. The Cougars were like a fading sitcom that adds a new character to the mix in order to boost ratings. Typically those added characters tank, but for the Cougars, its' - its - it's working. Let's just hope that when he grows up he does better than the little boy from Family Ties. Cute and Oh My! (You gotta click these links, people.)
  

A brew-ha always tastes sweeter after a victory:



Winning is special and it is even more rewarding when we can share it with our families and friends. Thanks again to all the wives, kids, and friends that made it out last night (hmm, were the Hitmen compiling a scouting report?).

Here are handful of the young gang enjoying a late night:

The Cougars have a two game winning streak and aim to extend it next Tuesday at 8:00pm against the youthful Chieftons. Anyone reading this is invited to the game and postgame. Without a doubt, you'll have a funner and excitinger time than at a Cub's or White Sock's game.

Copia Capital Cougars

"I've got a guy."

C'mon, when you are in a bind, those are the words you want to hear from a buddy. The only other great phrase that saves is "I've got a tool for that."

I've got a guy.

Sweet words when you are in a tight spot.

Those of you that enjoyed last week's Know Your Cougar quiz know that the team has had spotty attendance this year leaving Captain Cougar scrambling for a full squad every game. Yesterday, I thought we were all set for our big match against the Tappers and then in the late afternoon things went sideways. I needed a guy.

I've got a guy.

Flannery let me know that if I was ever in a pickle, he knew a great person that he worked with, who lives in Wilmette and would like to give 16-inch softball a try.

I've got a guy.

I figured if Tim can pick players like he picks equities he may follow the Forbes magazine article about him and his hedge fund with a Softball Prospectus feature.

I fired off my electronic distress signal at 3:51pm. Knowing that Tim is laser focused at work and might miss the note, I also emailed Stephanie, who truly runs the shop over at Copia Capital. Nine minutes later my prayers were answered.

"Dan Bookstaber will play" is what Stephanie's message read.

Bookstaber is young, handsome, smart and athletic. The Cougars have a shallow reservoir of these traits. Bookstaber is Martin 20 years ago. Heck, he is Melchiorre 30 years ago.

The trustworthy and dependable Stephanie once again demonstrated her hustle and we now had a complete team. Even though the VIX has surged 57% in May, Copia Capital keeps cool and cares for the Cougars!

The Cougars/Tappers matchup was highly anticipated. Both teams are made up of McKenzie dads and both tend to be basement dwellers in the standings. To give the game a bit of spice, losers were buying the pizza.

Your blogger was excited because this was potentially the first game this season in which the game could actually be a topic of the recap.

The Cougars came out strong and touched the dish five times in the top of the first. We followed with a couple more in the second inning.

The Tappers followed suit and crossed home plate a few times in the middle innings. The Cougars were able to limit the runs and stop the rallies with a couple of inning-ending double plays. Melchiorre started the first key DP and the second twin killing was a beautiful Fortier - Flannery - Danielsen that got us out of a jam.

In the top of the sixth inning the Cougars led by two. You don't need to be a quant jock or a hedgie to know that is not enough cushion. Well, in the dugout, the Copia Capital boys ran a little technical analysis and determined that what was necessary in this situation was a type of hit that would enable a batter to step on all four bases.

So Bookstaber gracefully walks up to to the plate in his third at bat - ever - and proceeds to crush the ball to the right center gap and gracefully rounds every base to become tied for the top position on the Cougar all-time home run leaderboard.

Sharing the HR leaderboard honors with Bookstaber is Lipsey. Our man Lipsey hit a grand slam two years ago to fuel the Cougars to victory.

In the top of the seventh, although leading, the Cougars wanted a few more insurance runs. Lipsey, feeling like he needed some insurance not to lose his HR King status, knew he needed to come up with something special to show the new guy, (who is 20 years his junior) that the old man still has it in him. Not joking around, Pete stepped up to the plate and with every muscle in his 48.5 year body pounded the ball and whipped around the bases to cap a productive seventh inning and to retake the HR title.

In the bottom of the 7th, Bookstaber knew that unless the Tappers tied the game, he would not have a chance to show up Lipsey on offense. Instead, he decided he would show off on the other side of the ball. With one out, a line shot was hit to his left, he snatched it out of the air, turned 180 degrees and fired the ball to first base for a game ending double play.

Wearing his Cougar green Copia Capital jersey, The Stabber shows his postgame elation. He is an undefeated star!

It was a competitive, well-played and truly enjoyable game for both sides. After the game, both teams headed to the postgame to celebrate the gifts of summer and friendship. We even had a number of the Hitmen partying with us later in the night.

Even though it was a school night, it was outstanding to see so many families out at the game and the postgame. There had to be 30 adults and even more kids before they had to go to bed.

It was a great night and it will be even better next year if Josh and I can talk the park district into creating competitive and recreational divisions so that we can play each other twice a year.

The Cougars have a bye next week but plan to come out and root for the Tappers.

Here are a few of shots of last night's game.

And a few shots of the postgame.