Apostrophe Catastrophe

In my younger days I was punctuationally challenged. I could not get it right. Literally, IT was brutal for me. C'mon, is it, its, its' or it's? Fortunately, Julie came to the rescue. You see, we were living together in college (well, to be honest, it was my fifth year of undergrad - with two more to go - and her first year of grad school - and I'm older than she - or is it her); and I was struggling with certain parts of my writing assignments, especially the apostrophe. So she made this cheat sheet for me 18 years ago, which I still keep tucked away in my trusty Chicago Manual of Style.

What in the world does this have to do with softball? Well, we played last year's runner-up last night. The Brew-Ha's are ragtag bunch of smart and experienced players and always seem to find a path to victory. But their punctuation is way off. I mean, really, what are they possessing? It sure isn't a victory.

Good readers, you will be elated to know that your Cougars (not Cougar's or Cougars') laughed and Brew Ha-Ha'd to an 8-4 victory last night. We schooled them - grammar schooled that is.

The Cougars put an exclamation point down in the first inning while scoring thrice and held the linguistic losers to a lone run. In fact, we did not give up more than one run in any inning. We punctuated our three run inning with a couple of runs in the middle innings and then bookended the game with three more runs.

No question marks in this victory - we kicked asterisks!

Here are some of the highlights:

• Hogs made a couple outstanding plays in the infield, including snagging a smashed grounder and then diving to tag the advancing runner.
• Philthy went against the green and wore his white soccer gear. He will gladly pay up in Kangaroo Court for not wearing Cougar green as he went 3 for 3 last night.
• Under pressure with two outs and a man on third, Bobi crushed a single to give us a late inning insurance run and played a great second base. (Thank goodness our man has a writer for a wife so he knows when to use Bobis' or Bobises or Bobi).
  
• Martini was all-purpose last night. He played a larcenous 3B, taunted the opponent with his one inning on the mound, sparked us at bat every time and positioned the outfielders correctly ("this guy pulls it...or he might go to right").
  
• Diddy was once again a hero in left field. He caught everything hit in his vicinity. Captain Brew Ha was screaming at his team to not hit it to left field. He performed his magic at the plate as well.
  
• The Dean of Bean pitched a marvelous masterpiece. He was money with so many first pitch strikes.
• Captain Cougar, trying to get some mojo from Philthy, sported a gray shirt and green bandana, was a HR away from the cycle.
  
• Lipsey and consistency rhyme for a reason. The Joke Writer played a flawless CF and hammered the ball at the plate.
  
• Postgame Allstar made a number of sweet catches at first base digging the ball out of the dirt.
• Flandog was once again a solid defender and knocked in an RBI.
• Trouter showed up a bit late because of Trevian coaching duty but cheered us on heartily. As good as Trouter is at the game, he is even better at the postgame.
  
• JOx still has not paid his entry fee so I am not sure I can give him props, although he did have the best chatter behind the plate. My guess is that he is still looking for a Cougar Coupon for a discounted fee. (Next year he should try Groupon.com.) JOx did point out that he has been at two games this season and we have won both of them.
  
• Speaking of undefeated, The Stabber is truly the only player unbeaten in his Cougar career. Since we have added him to the roster two games ago he has played marvelously and not experienced a loss. The Cougars were like a fading sitcom that adds a new character to the mix in order to boost ratings. Typically those added characters tank, but for the Cougars, its' - its - it's working. Let's just hope that when he grows up he does better than the little boy from Family Ties. Cute and Oh My! (You gotta click these links, people.)
  

A brew-ha always tastes sweeter after a victory:



Winning is special and it is even more rewarding when we can share it with our families and friends. Thanks again to all the wives, kids, and friends that made it out last night (hmm, were the Hitmen compiling a scouting report?).

Here are handful of the young gang enjoying a late night:

The Cougars have a two game winning streak and aim to extend it next Tuesday at 8:00pm against the youthful Chieftons. Anyone reading this is invited to the game and postgame. Without a doubt, you'll have a funner and excitinger time than at a Cub's or White Sock's game.