Hoosier Daddy

Captain Cougar's day job took him to Cleveland and caused him to miss another game. So Scott agreed to let me write another blog entry if I could meet (or at least come closer to) the normal Wednesday delivery.

Given my short deadline, I figured I needed a framework to build around. So I'm trotting out the tired "compare something to movie quotes" gimmick. (Next week: a running diary of the Cougars game.) I must say, it's not hard to see why a columnist (or in this case, a Published Blogger) would resort to this device -- it gives you license to jump from topic to topic with no need to even attempt to create some sort of cohesive narrative, and, most importantly, it allows the writer to literally cut and paste half of the column.

But the only question was which movie. Given that the Cougars are almost always the ultimate underdogs, the lovable losers, the Cinderella story waiting to happen, the first thought was a classic underdog sports movies. But which one? As hard as I looked, I couldn't find a 16" softball classic movie. I could have went with the obvious worst-to-first baseball classic, The Bad News Bears. A few weeks ago, the analogy would have been more apt, at least when it came to the Bears' skipper, Mr. Buttermaker, and our manager, Mr. Radtke.


Alas, the analogy is less compelling now that our formerly unemployed, unkempt, beer-swilling leader is now employed, kempt and beer-sipping.

Undeterred, I turned to the best sports movie of all time, Hoosiers, for the memorable quotes below.

Preacher Purl: And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it. And it struck the Philistine on the head and he fell to the ground. Amen.

• The parallels between David, Hickory High and the Cougars are eerie. All three were outmanned underdogs courageously facing an epic battle with a superior foe. Well, I guess that's about it.

Coach Norman Dale: If you put your effort and concentration into playing to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don't care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game, in my book we're gonna be winners.

• While our effort and concentration cannot be questioned, the scoreboard at the end of the game said Hitmen 17, Cougars 13. In my book, that makes us losers.

Coach Norman Dale: I've seen you guys can shoot but there's more to the game than shooting. There's fundamentals and defense.

• The Cougars' D was not flawless this week, but we had our moments. There was a beautiful Martin-Brennan-Bender double play to quell a Hitmen uprising in the second. Diamond Dave Melchiorre had several nice plays on the mound. Dan "Stabber" Bookstaber patrolled right field like a hawk, robbing the Hitmen of several hits and putting on a good show for his expanding clan. And of course, Zinedine Oxer put on a show of his own, scoring a beautiful goal on a strong volley from thirty yards out. It was a shame the ump decided to disallow JOx's goal and instead award the Hitmen with a goal, er, run of their own. (Or at least that's what we think the ump decided, he never actually made a call.) The upshot was that Oxer's one-inning foray in short center only solidified his standing at catcher.

Wilbur 'Shooter' Flatch: Clete, you tell him. Sectionals of '33, one point down. Five, four, three, two, one, let 'er fly... in and out. Yeah, well, I was fouled...

• The Cougars weren't the only ones to make memorable plays in the field. Just as Shooter was describing in dramatic detail his shot at glory that came up just short, one day Flynner will have his own story: "Cougars game of '10. Bender up. Line drive over my head. I turn to my left. I turn to my right. I backpedal. I reach up...ball hits off my hand, I tumble over backwards, Bender gets a triple. Yeah, well, sun was in my eyes." (It was great to see Flynn and Melchiorre make the extra effort to play in the Cross-Town Classic before heading off to band camp.)
  

Coach Norman Dale: [as Rade gets up to check in the first game after Merle fouls out, even though Coach Dale has benched him] Where are you going?
Coach Norman Dale: [Rade, puzzled, looks at him] Sit down.
Rade: You gotta have five out there!
Coach Norman Dale: Sit... down!
Referee: You need one more, coach.
Coach Norman Dale: My team's on the floor!

• In a movie filled with great scenes, this is one of the best. Luckily, the Cougars' team on the field didn't have to play shorthanded. Huge thanks to our three replacements, Tim Brennan, Edwin Bender and Cleland Noe for helping the Cougars, who were decimated by injury (Lipinski), fundraisers (Flannery), business travel (Rads, Fortier), Rock Lobsters (Hoglund), coaching (Trouter) and other preoccupations that I'm sure were equally important.

Coach Norman Dale: Strap, in for Everett. Don't shoot the ball unless you're under the basket all by yourself!
Coach Norman Dale: What's gotten into you?
Strap Purl: The Lord! I can feel His strength!
Coach Norman Dale: Well... keep His strength in the dribble alright?

• After going into an extended slumber for a few weeks, the Cougar bats woke up against the Hitmen. The Cougars jumped out to an early 3-0 lead, took the Hitmen's four-run counter-punch and exploded for eight runs in the fourth inning. The rally was highlighted by blistering smashes and lightning dashes (how's that for a Radtke-esque flourish?) up and down the lineup. In one key at bat, Oxer comes to the plate with runners on the corners (that means first and third, Jeremy). A Cougar teammate (and occasional blogger) yells to Jeremy, "C'mon, Oxer, a groundball scores the runner." But JOx refused to be underestimated. Just as the under appreciated Strap came off the bench to hit some key shots, Oxer smashed a line drive that split the Flynn/O'Brien gap. For any mere mortal, the hit would have been an easy double. But Jeremy somehow stretched it into a stand-up single. (He claims the dastardly Hitmen impeded his baserunning at first base, but for anyone who's seen Jeremy chug around the bases, it's hard to imagine anybody or anything slowing him down.) Other offensive highlights: Bobis matching Bender's aforementioned triple with one of his own, Dr. Phil continuing his season-long hot hitting and Melchiorre stroking perfectly-placed liners.

Coach Norman Dale: First of all, let's be real friendly here, okay? My name is Norm. Secondly, your coaching days are over.
George: Look, mister, there's... two kinds of dumb, uh... guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and, uh, guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don't matter, the second one you're kinda forced to deal with.

• A big thanks to Meg McDonnell who was forced to deal with Cougars (and Hitmen and Tappers and cougars and kids) in her living room, basement and backyard when Dr. Phil graciously offered up the compound for the postgame party. Luckily, Flandog was otherwise occupied so nobody got naked and barked at the moon.

Wilbur 'Shooter' Flatch: I know everything there is to know about the greatest game ever invented.

• Just as Shooter had an encyclopedic knowledge of four-star recruits, backdoor cuts and playoff seeds, our own Peter Lipsey has a Rand McNally-ic knowledge of one-star motels, backwater towns and seedy establishments. Lipsey entertained the postgame stragglers with his tales from the road from his other life as a standup comic.

Coach Norman Dale: [after history class] What's on your mind?
Everett Flatch: Well, coach... what you're doin' with my dad. I'm not seein' it. I mean, he's a drunk, he'll do somethin' stupid...
Coach Norman Dale: When's the last time anyone gave your father a chance?
Everett Flatch: He don't deserve a chance!

• As Scott has shown us, the great thing about writing a blog is that you can hijack it for your own personal messages. So here's mine. You may have noticed my parents at several of my, Miranda's and Charley's games this year, and you may be wondering if they've moved to the North Shore. No, they're still making the trek from Mokena almost every Tuesday. And Monday and Wednesday and Thursday. I know they enjoy watching the Cougars, as well as Miranda's and Charley's games, and we love having them out there. At least until Dad inevitably pulls a Shooter by getting drunk, wandering on the field and berating the ump.

Coach Norman Dale: There's a, um tradition in tournament play- not talk about the next step until you've climbed the one in front of you. I'm sure going to the state finals is beyond your wildest dreams, so let's just keep it right there.

• Looking ahead, the Cougars have a double dip next Tuesday, Brown Stars at 6 and Team Orange at 7. Sweeping the doubleheader is beyond our wildest dreams, and we'll keep it right there.

Coach Norman Dale: I love you guys.

• Well, I really like you guys anyway.

A final word for those Cougars who have openly questioned whether the Kangaroo Court is still in session. The KC has been on sabbatical but is returning with a vengeance. Like the Michigan City cop who tried to meet his quota by issuing a "following too closely" ticket for to a certain fangquack, the KC needs to make up for lost time. Be advised that the wheels of justice as turned by the KC will show no mercy, no matter if your brother happens to be the local prosecutor (or your brother-in-law happens to be the Judge).