Cougars: Never Put On The Brakes

Growing up in South Holland, IL, I was subjected to many unique laws. South Holland still is a "dry" municipality; that is, no alcohol is sold anywhere within the village limits. Additionally, the sale or rental of pornographic material is prohibited in South Holland. The village's franchise agreements with cable TV providers restrict on-demand and other adult-oriented programming. And years ago, plans to bring a 16-screen theater to town landed in trouble when local ministers expressed concern that R-rated movies might be offensive to the community.

One law that South Holland has always vigorously enforced is speeding. I am not sure if this has a religious foundation but there is zero tolerance for violating the posted limit.

One night, when I was 17 years old, already on probation with a ticket on record, I was once again testing my heavy right foot west along 170th Street, one of the village’s main thoroughfares. As I raced past the officer, who interestingly was timing me from behind a church sign, I looked in my rearview mirror and I could see his red lights coming after me.

In my infinite wisdom, I hit the gas even harder in my 1983 Nissan Sentra figuring I could outrun him over the bridge cascading I-94. Once I got to the bottom of the bridge I made a series of quick turns and swiftly pulled into the driveway of a random house. My hope was that I ditched the cop and even if I had not, my car looked like an innocently parked vehicle in a driveway.

I ducked low in the driver’s seat, but still high enough to sneak a peek out of the side view mirror.

Then I saw the officer come down the street. He never hesitated. He pulled right up to my car, got out of his, and saw me slouched in my seat. I got out and before he brought me to the police station, I asked how he knew it was me. He said he saw my brake lights glowing as I had my foot pressed hard on the brake.

Darn stickshift car! I should have used the emergency brake – it would have saved a trip to the police station and a call to my parents to bail me out.

As a driver, I felt my competition was the police, and I learned that you never put your foot on the brake (just kidding, kids).

Sports teams are taught the same thing: “Never let up - don't put on the brakes!”

The Cougars have played Miller Time more than 15 times over the last decade. They have never put on the brakes. We have lost every time.

Last night, Miller Time beat us 8-2.

First Inning

The Cougars were sentenced to a 1-2-3 inning.

Miller Time was on a jailbreak with seven hits and four runs.

Them 4 Us 0.

Second Inning

No parole for the Cougars as we quickly went down 1-2-3, again.

Our foe started the inning with a single. The next batter crushed a line drive to Martini who firearmed it to Rads for the force at second and turned the double play with a taser to Danielsen at first. (Video 13:25) The next batter flew out for our version of a 1-2-3 inning.

Still 4-0.

Third Inning

Philthy broke up the no-hitter with a single to left field. Let’s all note that Dr. Phil told me all week that he was going to sit this one out so he would not reinjure himself. Then, he shows up at gametime with his spikes all laced up. I asked him if he intended to play. “Of course, Captain!” Pastor Ted followed with a single but we couldn’t get them home.

Miller had disorderly conduct again and scored two.

Cougars losing 6-0.

Fourth Inning

Boom laced a single and then Joker nailed a hit and Boom sped around to try and score. With an diving headfirst slide, Boom touched the outside of the plate but the umpire was not a good witness and called him out. (Video 25:50)

We put them under arrests and didn’t let up any runs.

Still down 6-0.

Fifth Inning

Strong Coffey singled and Bobis was charged with aggravation when he ripped a triple to score him.

We were delinquent and they got two on us.

MT 8 C 1.

Sixth Inning

Philthy was a repeat offender and pummeled another hit! Jimmy followed with his own well placed rip to left center. No runs scored though.

Pastor Ted put our opponent in lockup! He made back to back unreal plays at shortstop that stopped them in their tracks. (Video 43:50). We held them scoreless.

Miller Time 8 Cougars 1.

Seventh Inning

Our last at bats. Boom led us off with a hit while Joker and Martini both singled to bring him in. Then our opponent stopped our unlawful entry at home.

Cougars lose 8-2.

We may never beat the rap with Miller Time but the Cougars are always "excelerators!"

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Game Video

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