Cougars Bag Two

Two games.

Two wins.

Two postgames.

The Cougars triumphed in a dual duel last night.

Hall of Famer Ernie Banks is well-known for his catch phrase, “It’s a beautiful day for a ballgame…Let’s play two!” Fittingly, we scored his jersey number in each game.

C’mon, 28 runs scored in a night? The Cougars needed Dramamine from spinning around the bases all night.

What gives?

Well, maybe it is because we played angrier than ever. Last week was a brutal one for the Cougars. First, we suffered a crushing defeat and then the Cougars Wives and Fan Club continue the postgame party and have more fun than the actual Cougars. Here they are at Bluestone where they are chatting up the resident jailbait. I think they are vying to be the next star of The Cougar.

Going into the night, with a doubleheader, we thought be would be dancing a two-step on the diamond.

On the front end of our double date, the Marauders had us tap dancing instead and put a scare into us in the top of the first inning when they dropped four runs on us. We got our bearings back, used some fancy footwork, scored two in the bottom of the inning and chipped away for the next four innings for a final score of 14-4.

After that game we took our annual team picture and hustled to my backyard garden and turned on the beer spigot in order to irrigate our throats for the first celebration of the night.




After watering our intestines, we mowed on back to the park.

The second game of the twin bill was a SLAM-dance. The Cougars brought tremors to Howard Park because of our Marauder momentum. By the end of the first inning the Wilmette Richter scale was dialed to ten. We came out with five quick ones in the top half of the inning. By the fifth inning we had ten runs and we stymied one of the league’s best teams to only one run over the same span. Later, we had one tough inning when the momentum started to shift and we almost dropped a deuce in our pants, but taking Joe D’s advice, I huddled at the mound with Melchiorre and used the ‘ol slowdown tactic. We added a few runs in the 6th and 7th innings and were 14-7 victors.

There were countless highlights – here are the best.

• Fortier was 7-7 for the night. He owned the bathpaths, played a killer shortstop and led the way to victory.
  
• Otsuka was a defensive marvel in left field. He made outstanding catches in his pasture highlighted by a running catch in foul territory with his back slamming against the fence.
  
• While in left field, Diddy fired a ball to Martin at third base to double up the runner, which got us out of a tight spot.
  
• Melchiorre was Sidd Finch last night. He was practically unhittable. For 9 of the 12 innings we played yesterday, Dave and our defense held our opponents scoreless. Dave also helped his cause with clutch hits and ran the bases like Oxer.
  
• Oxer punishes opponents with his baserunning. He is spraying shots at the plate and tearing around the bases. He took flight and landed on home plate for the winning run in game one. In the second game, when he was on bases we could not stop him from running around the bases to his assigned defensive position. Someone needs to tell him that just because he is the catcher does not mean he owns home plate.
  
• Flannery was our keystone pivot man. As the “4” position in the 6-4-3 double play, he coolly seized a throw from Fortier, elegantly swept his cleat across second base and chucked the ball to me at first base to end a SLAM rally and an inning. A double play is considered a pitcher’s best friend, but Flan-Dog wanted to be Dave's BFF on offense as well. Flannery had crucial hits to to gain some love from Melchiorre. This may or may not have something to do with Tim switching bats based on Coach’s suggestion (The Cougars are anxiously awaiting Tim’s analysis on this).
  
• Martin. Where do I begin? With his degenerating hips and knees, he walks down the sidewalk like Fred Sanford but if you put him in any sort of competition he turns into Usain Bolt. He has an innate ability to see things on the field that others don’t. From batting practice to the postgame, the guy is constantly chattering and helping the Cougars improve. He is our EF Hutton. He backs it up on the field too. He teases and challenges batters with his positioning and gets them to take the bait. He works the pitcher and turns singles into doubles. I may be the leader of the team but he is our field captain.

In the end, the Cougars were exhausted and exhilarated. The huge crowd emptied the stands, kept the momentum and packed the postgame party. Thanks again to so many family and friends that attend our games - we do appreciate it! We also thank the Hitmen, Hitwomen and the Marauders for cheering us on in left field!

Typically, sitting in one of Dr. McDonnell’s chairs is not a pleasant event. Last night, Phil and Meg served up an event that kept us in our seats well past midnight.

Here is Philthy feeding the hungry Cougars. We had loads of pizza and cheesy beef, chicken parm, and meatball sandwiches.




Thanks to Flannery and Fortier raiding their wine cellars, we enjoyed a few bottles of champagne. We skipped the appearance, bouquet, taste and aftertaste analysis. We simply raised our glass and cheered an exceptional team effort.




Then we drank more beer. Then we played bags. Then we finished off the celebration with shots of tequila (then we drank more beer).



Sober up boys!

Our back to back victories to end the regular season have put us in a round 1 playoffs rematch with SLAM.

Next Tuesday, the season starts over again.

Enthusiasm. Momentum. Celebration.

See you out there!

Green Shoots Turn Into Brown Manure

Today’s entry comes to you from Kenosha, WI.

You have all heard me say too many times (most recently last week) that after a tough loss it only takes the short walk over to the postgame to bounce back after a loss.

Not so yesterday.

Last night my walk took me many miles north to walk off the loss. Thankfully, Matt Foley was my walking mate. He has talked me out of the river and I am headed back to the flatlands.

We will carry that loss for a long long time. I have experienced some tough sporting losses in my recreational career but this one may top the list.

I am not sure what is lower this year - our run output or my ComEd bill.

The great news is that we had our biggest crowd of the year last night. The kids were so excited for the game. Check out the wonderful homemade sign by Annika.

Although he was hard to spot though the sea of fans, I am pretty sure Ben Bernanke was in the crowd during the first inning because I saw green shoots.

With seven runs in that first inning, it was like we were printing money in the field giving us a glimmer of hope. Then, as the game progressed, our green shoots turned into brown manure.

The Cougars, after our first inning stimulus package, needed some quantitative easing because our bats, like current real interest rates, were close to zero.

We went to extra innings but came out on the losing end of the trade, 10-9.

After the game, we headed over to postgame. You would have thought Mr. Miyagi helped organize the shindig because Danielsen had quite a spread. The food was better than eating at Arnold's.

In the end, it was an excellent matchup against a worthy opponent. We need to dust ourselves off and find the silver linings. More often than not, we can learn more from losing than winning, which is why we are the smartest team in the league.

Let’s hope the Cougar Wives Fan Club has a better showing for their Thursday night outing. Fittingly, they will take their own afterparty to Bluestone, which according to this first reviewer, is a bona fide Cougar den.

Truly, the best part of last night’s game is the fact that it was a brilliant summer night and we had a kid-friendly start time. Here are the real highlights from the game:

This one below is my favorite.

As you may be able to tell, the next two photos were taken in the late innings.

Our fans finished first last night. As you can see, everyone had a great time.

Noticably missing are pictures of the team. Maybe next week with smiles on our faces.

Our currency suffered some devaluation last night but we need to shed our legacy assets (um, liabilities) and have an upsurge of optimism for a full recovery next week.

__________________________________________________________

As a postscript and for the record, here is evidence that my spikes were not up during my slide. The Cougars like to get dirty but we play clean.

Friendship Frenzy

Fear not, dear readers. The alliteration in today’s title will not lead to any off-color f-bombs given the result of the game. As always, the Cougar blog is family friendly.

Last night, the Cougars faced off against the Hitmen. The occasion was promoted as a McKenzie bragging rights battle. The Cougars plan was to perform like a band of merry thieves and steal a victory from the dastardly Hitmen.

The Hitmen were geared up for the game and a bit worried about us, which was demonstrated by their early morning batting practice over the weekend. The Cougars spent their weekend time playing mixed doubles at Vattmann while holding the star shortstop for the Hitmen hostage on the tennis courts.

It was a magnificent setting at Howard Park last night. Daniel Fahrenheit would have been delighted.

Our tax dollars garnered us a superbly groomed field, replete with velvety green blades of grass and smooth grains of sand under perfectly positioned chalk lines.

The event that occurred on that patch of earth was not as splendid.

Typically after a rough game, I require only the couple hundred steps from Howard Park to the postgame party in my backyard in order to gain my composure and forget about the game.

Last night my tank was filled to the brim with high octane fuel and, thankfully, Fortier hosted the postgame and the two extra blocks of walking helped.

I used this extra distance to think about why we play sports as adults and why it is so important to us.

We have our kids play sports to learn teamwork and sportsmanship as well as to build strong minds and bodies – and most importantly – to have fun (well, that, and also for them to earn a college scholarship so they can then move to the professional ranks thereby funding our early retirement).

So why do we play as adults? Well, of course, because it is fun. But we play for other reasons too. We play for the adrenaline rush. We play for the competition. We play for the sense of achievement. We play for exercise. We play for the diversion from our jobs. We play for the social venue. We play for the brotherhood and friendship.

I believe that forging friendships is the most essential point in sports, especially for those of us on the downhill side of 40. In fact, it becomes even more vital when the win/loss scale is leaning considerably on the “L” side and not the “W” side.

The depth of Cougar friendships is evidenced by Otsuka and Bobis. They have been friends since the 4th grade. They would do everything together back then. Many years ago they sealed their friendship with a promise that they would always wear matching clothes.

Here they are as youths demonstrating their alliance to each other.

They have kept their pact and are still in harmony after all these years.

Greg and Jeff - what a pair! After more than 25 years of friendship, their synchronization is still intact.

We all know the cavernous depth of Cougar comradeship.

However, the Cougars are not an exclusive group. We have an open relationship rule and we continually practice softball polygamy.

It is for only one hour each year that the Cougars and Hitmen are mortal enemies. We truly enjoy each other's company the other 8,765 hours a year.

Presenting the photographic proof:

We sing together.

We play bags together.




We go the beach together.



We ride the Ferris wheel together.



These photos validate the man-love we have for each other. But there is one cross-border relationship truly illustrates the strength of the Cougar/Hitmen bond.

Trouter of the Cougars and Flynner of the Hitmen have known each other for almost as long as Bobi and Diddy.

Here they are displaying their initial bonding days. Like Jeff and Greg, Glenn and Mike have made a lifetime lookalike pact.


They have become more sophisticated over the years, moving up from wearing sheets and drinking from plastic cups to become distinguished sportcoat wearing drinkers.





The picture above may have been taken last night because Glenn and Mike were nowhere to be found during the game but they dutifully showed up for the postgame.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, the game. It was raucous affair! The Cougars came out a swingin’. We put two quick ones on the board in the top of the first and had the Hitmen on their heels. The Hitmen came roaring back in the bottom of the inning and took the lead with three runs. In the subsequent innings we squeezed out a couple more runs but in the end the Hitmen scored more than us.

In Vegas, 22 never pays, and in Wilmette, 4 runs will never put you in the money.

It was so great to have loads of fans at the game last night. Through my Romper Room magic mirror in center field, I saw many Lady Cougars and Hitwomen as well as tons of families and friends. The throng of fans made for a spectacular night.

After the busted game, everyone moseyed on over to the Fortier residence. Not surprisingly, Susan and Steve had quite a spread.

We were supplied with a great selection of green bottles filled with malted barley. Spirits were up and spirits were downed.


We were also fed like champions. Steve grilled and served up his now famous kielbasa along with the requisite mustard dip.


The Hitmen celebrated by gnawing on fowl at the Oh coop and then joined the Cougars for a night of Wilmette solidarity.

Like the promise rings that kids exchange, we thought it would be appropriate to seal our Cougar/Hitman accord with a ceremonial injured finger handshake. Pictured here are the hands of Susan Flynn and Dave Melchiorre, both of whom suffering from "old person recreational league park district softball" injuries.

The treaty was potentially violated during the latter half of the party. Unbeknownst to some partygoers, there was some front yard shenanigans. The Fortier house was lovingly and affectionately TP’d. Here are the morning after remnants.

We are still not sure who the culprits are but the Cougars are holding the Hitkids and the Hitmen responsible.

Not to be outdone on the front yard practical jokes, Oxer and I put Flynn’s house up for rent at about 1:30am. This blog's photographer was able to snap a picture of it this morning before someone leased it.

Overall, it was a great night.

Many kids got to stay up way, way way past their bedtime. I told my kids this morning that it is pretty neat that they get to go to bed twice today.

Many parents also missed their bedtime last night and slept right through their wake up call this morning thanks to all of these empty bottles of brew and vino.

Game over. Party over. It's a new day and the countdown is on!

Only 8,745 amiable hours remain before the next Cougar/Hitmen confrontation.

Kangaroo Court - Week 10

From the Chambers of Judge Diddy:

Between beers and bagel dogs, the KC was in session at last night's postgame. (I'll channel our tangential blogger for a moment: we put up a zero on the scoreboard and generally played like canines, so it was only appropriate that we had bagel dogs after the game). So for those who missed it, here were the KC's rulings:

• Fortier for $1 for playing for the Hitmen for one inning. Yes, Steve was just helping out some friends and yes, the Hitmen just needed him for an inning, but the Cougars are a team of laws not men and the KC simply cannot abide a Cougar playing for an opposing team. (Unless of course Hitman Steve would've booted every ball that came his way.) Steve indicated that he may be fully indemnified by the Hitmen for this transgression. The KC frankly does not concern itself with who pays the fine as long as the fine is paid.
  

• Philthy for $1 for fraternizing with Hitwomen when he was supposed to be coaching third base. I suppose we all take some of the blame for this one -- after all, what did we expect would happen when we turned The Mayor of Howard Park loose to coach a base that was so close to other human beings? Some glad-handing, grins and gossip was inevitable. But Philthy took it up a notch and earned another $1 for having the audacity to hope that nobody would call him on his denial that "I did not have verbal relations with those women." Unfortunately for Phil, the smoking gun evidence, the blue dress, if you will, was provided by several Cougars who witnessed said verbal relations. There is no truth to the rumor, however, that an independent prosecutor will be appointed to investigate the good Doctor. The Mayor has paid his debt to society and to the KC.
  

• Danielsen for $1 for failing to run out a pop-up. Jeff apparently believed that he would be called out on account of the infield fly rule, but because there was only a runner on first base, the infield fly rule was not applicable. So if Keefe had taken a chance and dropped the pop-up, they could've turned the double play. (Captain Cougar is on the phone with the league commissioner at this very moment trying to get 15 copies of the official rule book. Oxer, among others, needs a refresher course.)
  

• Trout for $1 for missing the game and postgame. While we are sure that Trouter would've made it if he could, the KC wanted him to know that he was missed. The KC shows its feelings in odd ways.
  

• Finally, when the idea for the KC was hatched, we envisioned using it as a way to cut down on the gifts that Joe D abhors. Little did the KC know that it would end up playing the role of Queer Eye for the Cougar Guy. From dickies to stirrups to galoshes, the Cougars deserve their own episode of What Not to Wear. And Lipsey gets $1 for continuing that tradition. Because words cannot accurately describe the enormity of the fanny pack he was sporting, we are fortunate to be able to attach photographic evidence.

The KC stands in recess.

Career Choices

Given the outcome of last night’s game, I again turned to my lovely daughter this morning and asked her to write the blog. She said, “No way Daddy. You need to take personal responsibility and be accountable for your poor actions and you cannot run from your problems.”

I am glad I wrote her words down so I can use them on her and Charley during their teenage years.

The Cougars have all made smart career path decisions by not choosing to be professional 16-inch softball players. We would all be incredibly poor or extremely unemployed.

I always tell my kids the same thing that we have all heard in the past, “You can be anything you want to be and work in any job you want.” One day, a few years ago, while watching baseball with Miranda, she inquired “Daddy, do these men get paid to do this or is it just for fun?” I said, “They get paid sweetheart.” She pressed on, “Daddy, why didn’t you choose that for a job?” If she was at the game last night she would be very happy with my career choice.

Even in a loss, we always look for nuggets of improvement.

We opened the season last year against Keefe, the defending league champs, and they dropped 17 runs on us before we got the first three outs. This year, we only let up 7 runs in that initial frame.

They beat us up pretty good last night, 18-0, but we demonstrated a bit of progress over the 35 runs they hung on us last year.

Our offense was anemic and our defense was lackluster and we were generally broken-down. If anyone from the DMV happened to be watching the game, we may have been granted placards for premium parking spaces.

We just did not make good decisions in the field or at the plate. It reminds me of the time the Otsuka family went to a celebratory meal at a Mr. Benny’s Steak and Lobster on the south side. Everyone at the table ordered steak or lobster, except Julie, who ordered halibut and was not pleased with her meal at all. I told her there was probably a reason the owners did not call the restaurant Mr. Benny’s Steak and Halibut.

Speaking of food, let’s get to the postgame. The postgame seems to be the highlight every week and last night’s party was definitely not called by the mercy rule.

We headed to my backyard where Otsuka was in charge of drinks and snacks. He went with the team color and we drank green bottles of beer.

As a side note, here is a picture of the ice that was dumped out of the cooler after midnight. The picture was taken at about 8:00 this morning. It is just crazy that in July it is so cold outside that in eight hours ice can’t melt. I am having second thoughts on my hometown.

We have had artichoke dips, sausages, potstickers, pizzas and many other tasty treats at the Cougar postgames.

Last night, Diddy, to go along with the cocktails, brought us bagel wieners and mustard.

These delectable dogs were dipped and consumed quickly.

It’s too bad Charley wasn’t awake for this delicacy. My guess is that the sight of a wiener with a protective covering would have reminded him of the athletic supporter and cup I recently bought him to wear during his sports activities. We ended up having to take it away because he was out in the field constantly thumping his lower midsection yelling out, “Knock knock. Who’s there? Wienie. Wienie who?”

(Tip to aspiring softball bloggers: When you and your team play terribly, make sure you have some somewhat funny or cute stories to divert the reader’s attention from the actual facts of the game.)

The postgame lasted until 12:30am and we proudly finished all the beer.

The Cougars have four regular season games left and, thankfully, no more 9:00pm game times. Now that we have a few earlier games it will be good to get the families out to the field as well as for some postgame action.

Next week is the long awaited matchup against the real softball heroes of Wilmette, the Hitmen. It is a tough matchup for the Cougars because the Hitmen are a good team and close to the top of the leaderboard in our league.

For those in Hitmen Country that are lurking out there, here is my scouting report on your team: oops, wait, my battery is running low, no trash talk or bulletin board material that will turn game week comments into game day heroics.

See you out there!

Cougars Win A Thriller

The Cougars beat the Chieftons 5-4 in a 7th inning thriller. (Yes, the black words are links).

Each time we get on the floor at Howard Park it may seem that we change appearances or have eccentric behavior but we are always on a victory tour.

Our opponent last night, the Chieftons, are truly Cougar bait no matter which side of the double entendre you are on. They are all 20 years old and we have beat them twice.

In the first inning, the youthful Chieftons had one run in and had an opening to blow the game open. They had men on first and third with one out and the batter hit a ball to short left field. With fancy footwork, Fortier made a catch like he was wearing a sequined glove and threw the ball home to try and peg the tagging runner. The runner beat the throw by a headscratching distance. This prompted Martin, who is the team's Quincy Jones because he makes us all better, to appeal at third base. Runner out – he left early!

Lipsey leads off the Cougar half of the first with a single and advances to second on a ground out. Fortier rips a hit and Lipsey comes in to tie it up.

Let’s take a break here and give a shout out to Fortier. Steve just spent about 10 days on a business trip in India. He landed yesterday afternoon after a 15 hour flight and with his body clock 10.5 hours ahead of us (yes, India is chronometrically out of sync). He ambles into the game and by the end of the first inning he has a great play and an RBI.

In the second inning, with a Chiefton on first and one run already in, the batter blasts the ball to Flannery at shortcenter. Tim, always on the ball, grasps the ball, gracefully slides his right foot over second base and lets the ball fly to Danielsen, who makes a sweet play at first for the double play. Again, we got out of a jam.

In the bottom of the second, Lipinski scored with a violent slide at the plate that knocked the ball out of the catcher’s hands, which tied it up at 2-2.

In the third inning, Julie gets a phone call from her brother, who is on his way and wants a quick recap and a play-by-play while he is driving. You see, Otsuka prioritized a church meeting over a Cougar game. I thought this was a bad move at first but then thought the Cougars could use some religion outside of the Church of Joe D.

While on the phone with Greg, Julie starts speaking in tongues because I found my higher power and nailed a triple over the left fielder’s head that went off the wall.

Each team traded a couple more runs and entering the seventh inning we were all tied at four thanks to Bobis who scored from second base on a sacrifice fly to centerfield.

As easy as A B C we put the Chieftons down 1 2 3 in the top of the seventh inning.

Now it was our turn and we wanted to start something.

With one out, Lipinski singles and Otsuka gets to first on a fielder's choice.  Up next is Oxer. He shot a hard grounder to the left side of the infield, danced down the line, the throw was made and he beat it. Otsuka, running just as hard, grooved to third base.

Two outs, men on first and third, bottom of the seventh and an injured McDonnell comes to the batter’s box. It’s as easy as black or white. If Philthy McNasty gets a hit we win, otherwise, we go to overtime.

Phil popped the ball through the infield like a king, ran like his hair was on fire and had a hit single for an award winning performance.

Otsuka moonwalked home for the winning run.

That play made me scream in the dugout and I hugged our team’s injured rock star, Melchiorre, dangerously hard.

We went back to my ranch and celebrated by drinking Hoglund’s beer and eating his snacks.

We also relived the game over and over again. "Remember the time… " was a refrain heard quite often.

At the postgame, we held Kangaroo Court and a few fines were levied for infractions incurred over the last few weeks.

We also discussed the Cougar Wives Club outing held at the Fortier residence last week. The Cougars were all very puzzled that we did not get a solid recap from any of our spouses. We just got general comments like, “It was fun. Everyone is so nice.” Hmm, interesting. Why so secretive? Were they plotting against us like some smooth criminal ?

We wondered if they were feeling cougarlicious and wanted to play with our extremely young opponents? Were they plotting how to get their claws on these boy toys?

This assumption was proven true when Fortier found the following sheet in their recycling bin in his alley under all the bottles of wine.

Yup, our female Cougars seem to be on the prowl and we may need to keep a tight leash on them unless we can get recap of the next event.

The male Cougars always let the spouses know what we did the night before by putting it in print and including pictures. Last night was no exception.

The Cougar postgames are always second to none. We still lead the postgame power rankings.

It is a fact that the Cougar is at the top of the food chain in an ecosystem. A new type of creature exposed itself last night at the Cougar postgame to learn our skills and share its eating habits.

This intriguing beast is called a Hitman.

The Hitman is a species that preys on chicken. Last night, the Hitmen celebrated their victory with the Cougars and shared their kill.

These predators do not speak when they eat; they only grunt. Here are two Hitmen devouring their chicken.

The postgame celebration lasted into the wee morning hours once again and we didn’t stop til we had enough.