Clincher or Bludger?

The Cougars have two sets of baselines and each presents a paradox.

The first baseline is the unmarked direct line between two contiguous bases, which baserunners are told to round even though the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

The second baseline is our inaugural season, which hovers in our memory like our teenage years. We were anxious for it to occur but relieved when it was over so we wouldn’t be viewed as in the minors anymore.

The old adage, “you can’t manage what you don’t measure” is true even in old man park district softball. Looking at our 2008 benchmark, we would play half a game badly and wind up only playing half a game. This year we still play half a game badly but counter it with 30 minutes of sparkling and brilliant play on the diamond. At this rate, we are setting the bar high for 2010.

On Wednesdays, with a dash of grogginess and a drop of parchedness, I awake between nautical dawn and civil dawn given our equatorial region (don’t bother looking it up – about 4:45am), and immediately brood over mistakes I made hours earlier and punish myself like a house elf wondering if I should trade my Clincher for a Bludger.

As I get upright, downstairs, hydrated and caffeinated, I look south and spot two backyard lawn impressions, approximately 33 feet apart, resembling the letter “R’ in Morse Code (gotta come to the postgame to figure that one out – or just read below). It is at that moment my softball self-loathing ends and my upbeat attitude is revived.

We lost the game 14-7 and we all know we could have made this one a winner. Everyone had at least one great play in the field or at the dish. Also, each of us is licking a wound or two. Mercifully, the postgame is an outstanding salve as we drink the magic tonic and celebrate with family and friends.

Yes, we underscored our foe last night but here at the Cougar Blog we will not forget to underscore the best of the evening.

• Oxer beat out an infield single. Are you kidding me? Flannery, the Yogi Berra of the Cougars, said “Oxer picks up speed when he hits his second derivative.” (Non-math majors – do your own Google search).
• Flannery, playing short center, was a top assistant for the force-outs at second base, and made life generally easier for those around him. He also lent a helpful hand at the plate and ran the bases like Secretariat.
• Bobis and Danielsen both hit triples. If Oxer was running in their place I am pretty sure we would have had a couple of dingers.
• Fortier continues to put on a hitting clinic and may wear a Gale Sayers jersey to the next game (inside joke – you should have been at the 7:15am Sunday practice).
• Otsuka and Lipsey, as usual, gutted a belly full of leather in the outfield.
• Mucinex, on which I am currently overdosing, provides a more productive cough. Lipinski and Danielsen, who must also be overdosing on something, had perfect productive run-scoring outs.
• Hoglund, with an outstanding heads up play in the field, bulleted the ball to third base and roped in an advancing runner.
• Melchiorre, playing with 9.5 fingers, pitched a stellar game and crushed the ball at the plate.

Last night must have been half price family night at Howard Park because we had the biggest family turnout of the season with over half a dozen moms and twice that in offspring.

The players love the postgame but the kids really, really, really love the postgame. Miranda, Charley and the rest of the Cougar Kids Club have their youngster version of the pub crawl. After having so much fun ignoring their dads at the park, they can’t wait to barhop to the postgame to imbibe in action packed games of freeze tag and then finally go home drunk with joy. Now that the school year is over, I hope to see even more of them running all around the yard. Note to self: Rope off no-kid-zone for postgame Cornhole competition. Note to team: The Radtke/Bobis team is undefeated in bags this year.

Our second year has been a year of firsts. Earlier this season we had our first infant postgamer and last night we had our first canine at the after-hours party. Last night, Kate and the Irish Flannerys brought out their newest Scottish member of the family. Duncan the dog took pleasure in his first jaunt down a playground slide.

Last night was also the unveiling of the toaster oven for the postgame snacks thanks to Lipsey who served up tasty Potbelly.

We are now batting 1.000 with Cougar wives celebrating their birthdays with us each season. Last year, it was Julie and this year Meg celebrated her birth anniversary (hat tip to Coach for the term) with us. Meg was gracious even though we failed to give her gifts because we gave them all to Gulliver’s.

Next week promises another fun filled Tuesday. The Cougars’ team motto is “Play Angry! No Gifts!” Cougar Nation’s motto is “Come for the postgame. Stay for the game.”