I'll take suggestions but here's how I envision the Kangaroo Court working: on game days I'll try to keep track of potential violations and will happily accept other Cougars reporting of any infractions. Then at the postgame, the chargeable infractions from that game will be announced, along with the corresponding fine. We'll keep track of everyone's running totals and at the end of the year, everyone will pay up and we'll use the proceeds for a postgame party or some other worthy cause.
The point of this is to remind everyone to focus on the little things that turn losses into wins (and vice versa) and to have a good time. So, for example, if the KC was in session for week 1, the following would have been potential violations:
- Lipsey's aforementioned yellow dickey. The KC won't have too many hard and fast rules, but here's one: you wear a dickey, you get a fine.
- Otsuka's and Hoglund's strikeouts. A strikeout or a foulout will usually result in a violation, and a backwards K always will. In our defense, it was windy, the lights were bright and the ump was blind. But in the end, we probably would plead no contest and accept our sentence.
- Lipinski and Bobis not calling a popup that dropped between them. A dropped flyball is a physical error that probably won't result in a fine, but not calling it is a mental error that is easily correctable.
- Radtke's throw after he made an over-the-shoulder catch (or as we call that catch, "pulling a Fortier"). He made a great catch, got fired up and turned and made an ill-advised attempt to double off a runner. Someone on the Cougars, the Manager, perhaps, has been harping on us since the beginning of last season to not throw the ball around trying to make plays that aren't there. On the final verdict, though, he probably would've escaped penalty because the runners weren't able to advance, but such a lapse is grounds for a fine.
- McNasty's failure to score from third. I think this one probably escapes a fine because I don't remember it being quite egregious enough to warrant action by the KC, but I could have been convinced otherwise by Martin, who likely will be the KC's Patrick Fitzgerald to McNasty's Scooter Libby.
- Rads' use of "stochastic" and "regression to the mean" in the recap. I'm reluctant to impose any penalty based on the recaps, which, sadly, are the highlight of my Wednesdays. But there's a line you do not cross, and "stochastic" comes awfully close to that line.
As you can see, the Court is not out to punish a Cougar for physical errors or mistakes, which are inevitable, but it will exact swift justice on a Cougar who has a mental or (even worse) a sartorial lapse. The Court also expressly reserves the right to (i) issue fines based on pregame conduct (eg, excessive fraternization with the opposing team -- McNasty and Oxer, I'm looking at you), postgame conduct (eg, taking the field for another team will result in the maximum penalty) or even conduct having nothing to do with a game (eg, scratching a fellow Cougar's floors or wife at a Cougar Poker Night), (ii) create and enforce rules ex post facto and (iii) hear and decide an appeal, which must be made orally and within the same postgame in which the penalty is assessed.
Kangaroo Court is now in session. God save this Court and God save the Cougars.
Judge Diddy
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