Loyal Order of Moose

If the Cougars placed a personal ad on match.com or gocougar.com, the profile would summarize our interests as: softball, poker, partying, and reading the blog that recaps all the softball, poker and partying.

We already have one professional comedian on our team (every Saturday Lipsey can be heard at 9:30am 820AM and is available for private gigs), but the team treated your softball CEO like Rodney Dangerfield on Friday night by badgering Captain Cougar into an offseason blog entry (they said something about me having gobs of time on my hands, huh, wonder what that means).

You see, the blog curtain always drops 24 hours after the last out of the season. No fake encores here in Cougartown. This is unlike most concerts when the the band goes off stage, but the house lights are still down. You know the band is coming back or they would have raised the lights. So you have to sit there and clap and feel like a complete tool until the band comes back on stage.

Well, your author is back on stage, but wait! The lights are not just down, they are completely out. It is like a fuse has been blown.

Let's back the story up a bit for the folks who were not at the Moose Lodge on Friday night.



Nobody had a kid-free house for a poker night so I decided to hold it in my garage. You know, bring my South Side roots to the North Shore. When the forecast called for a 20 degree temperature, Oxer generously offered his well-appointed brick garage. Add in some Melchiorre space heaters and, my friends, you have Cougar Poker.

The house lights were like strobe lights in the beginning of the night. We had two electrical delays because we blew some fuses and sat in the dark for a bit. ComEd wannabes Lipinski and Melchiorre made it all 220 or 221, whatever it took.

We had nine Cougars as well as a couple players from the archenemy Hitmen. We are 0-2 against them on the dirt and hoped to slaughter them on the felt. To gain a seat at the table a bit of sartorial hazing was required for the Men of Hit.



The game started fast with Witzy and Bobis going all-in on the first hand. We hit Fifth Street and Witzy was already reaching into his pocket for a rebuy. After that, the pace slowed to a typical Cougar poker game (lots of Cougar banter, less poker playing).




That is, of course, until Martin busted out. For some reason anytime he busts out the blinds get exponentially bigger and he keeps the button moving along so the next game can start.



The first game ended with your captain and JOx chopping the pot. Moose decided to split it because he thought I might go Palin on him and he would end up field dressed.

Speaking of pot, the halftime entertainment was a giant pot of chili made by our gracious host. It was a tasty dish that hit the spot and was a precursor to the delicious homemade cupcakes by the Oxer girls.


What we love about Moose is that he can never be regular (by the way, thanks to another Hitman, Kennett, for the Moose nickname). Whether it's boots, umbrellas or rounding the bases, he always Oxerizes it.

Yes, that is a word. I submitted it to Webster a few months ago and it was accepted for the 2010 dictionary.

Oxerize (v) ahx-er-ahyz
1. to make larger or more powerful; especially by adding details to
2. to increase in size, extent, effect, etc., as by the addition of extra material; augment; enlarge; expand
3. to make Cougars giddy

Example: You don't just rent a limo; damn it, you get the largest pinkest limo on earth!



Other highlights from the night include:

• Bobis being asked by a Mrs. Oxer. "What TV star do you look like?" "You know, a cop that is on TV." The Cougars thought we were having a Tiger moment ("Hey, it's Bobis, can you take your name off your voicemail.") In the end, we determined that she was thinking of Baretta or Columbo.

• Nirvana's All Apologies was jammin' on the iTunes and Oxer says (in all seriousness) "I love Pearl Jam!" I think a few of us peed in our pants on that one.

• Speaking of iTunes, ok, I went overboard with all my GnR. I have man love for Axl.

• The cigars were a big hit, just not with wives or the washing machine the next day (tip - not a bright idea to throw cigar infested clothes in with the family's clothes).

• Rads was compared to Buttermaker of Bad News Bears fame more than one time. (See, no respect.) No beer cans in the Cougar dugout (only red cups for me - I follow Philthy's lead).

• With the liquor draining quickly, a few of us predicted Dr. Phil would mimic The Hangover and pull out a tooth to demonstrate his dental abilities.

• Overhearing that the Hitmen are "friends with benefits."

• Wilmette's favorite son, Diamond Dave Melchiorre, grooving to Eminem's Lose Yourself in his own little world for about 30 seconds before folding his hand.

• Oh yeah, by the way, your captain won the second game too.

Thanks again to the Oxer family for letting us invade the premises. I get a bit worried that I might not be invited back to the Oxer household given the grief the Radtke family gives them. The first party I was ever invited to there, my then 5 year old, Charley, called 911 from their house inviting Wilmette's finest to the house. The second party had my brother, Marc, sitting in the only chair without protective felt on the bottom of the legs resulted in a badly scratched floor. This time the only thing that went sideways was an outdoor light fixture inexplicably falling to the ground at some point. I blame my only relative in attendance, Diddy, my brother-in-law.

We are loyal to the Moose but seem to bust him out every time.

Postscript
Mark your calendars. The next poker game will be in January 2010 (we need a date and host). Practice starts in March and the first game is April 27th.

The Cougar Blog will see you on the 28th of April!

Superb Season

It was 477 days ago that the Cougars officially came into existence. I truly find it amazing how much we have accomplished as a team on the field.

We had some unbelievable moments this year: Plays at the plate. Relays and cutoffs. Game winning hits. Sweet swings. Double plays. Acrobatic catches. Doubleheader sweep. Clothing infractions.

Here are a few statistics.

2008: Slaughtered 11 of 14 games
2009: Slaughtered 4 of 14 games

2008: Allowed 175 runs
2009: Allowed 139 runs

2008: Scored total 43 runs
2009: Scored total 76 runs

2008: Won 2 games
2009: Won 4 games

Wow, we were truly green last year! By these measures, the Cougars have demonstrated considerable progress.

It is essential to have these numeric benchmarks so that we may sharpen our skills to meet the weekly summer challenge. Every Tuesday we exercise our bodies and exorcise our competitiveness.

However, at this juncture of our lives, we should not measure our success or sense of worth by this or any data. (Yup, you guessed it, here it comes, more end of year sappy words).

Our friendships and our camaraderie are incalculable. Every Tuesday we all create memories for ourselves and our children.

Moreover, Tuesdays with Cougars will lower your stress, prevent sickness, and help you live longer. As it says in this New York Times article, “The consistent message of these studies is that friends make your life better.”

As stated in our first blog entry ever, the main goal with this team was to get a night out, be relatively competitive and quaff a few cold ones after the games. Since that time, the Cougars turned into a fraternity which spawned a sorority as well as a kids’ social organization.

Anyone can be a member of Cougar Nation. We welcome everyone and membership is free. The requirements are simple: root for us (unless, of course, we are playing your team) and celebrate with us.

Last night was a gathering to remember. Although the adults may have some memory lapses because we drank like prohibition was going into effect today.

Here are a few images to help you recall the night.

Here are our bag champions of the night.

If you can believe it, I think we are missing a half dozen kids from this picture.

Nope, it does not stop there. Yes, the adults had fun but the kids had a funner time than us. Watch the videos and see for yourself.

The kids danced…

… and the kids sang.

And needless to say, the role models consumed drinks…

…and the role models consumed snacks.





Beer, wine, margaritas and juice boxes were the drinks of choice last night. The pulled pork and sliced brisket were bigger hits than any we had in the actual game (by the way, we lost 10-0).

Smoque is the place to go. Do yourself a favor and relive your gastronomic experience.

Day 478 will be tough for all of us. Softball is over and summer is winding down (if it ever got here). Soon, the Cougars will be on to other offseason activities. Fortunately, many of these pursuits will be done together. In our offseason, we have many things to look forward to so we will not suffer from Cougar withdrawal: poker, tennis, hoops, paddle, yoga, running, biking, sailing, and the McK Variety Show (and, hmmm, did I hear Vegas discussed last night?).

The blog is putting up the Gone Fishin’ sign until next season. We will see all of you on the streets of Wilmette.

Thanks to everyone for making this another superb season!

Cougars Bag Two

Two games.

Two wins.

Two postgames.

The Cougars triumphed in a dual duel last night.

Hall of Famer Ernie Banks is well-known for his catch phrase, “It’s a beautiful day for a ballgame…Let’s play two!” Fittingly, we scored his jersey number in each game.

C’mon, 28 runs scored in a night? The Cougars needed Dramamine from spinning around the bases all night.

What gives?

Well, maybe it is because we played angrier than ever. Last week was a brutal one for the Cougars. First, we suffered a crushing defeat and then the Cougars Wives and Fan Club continue the postgame party and have more fun than the actual Cougars. Here they are at Bluestone where they are chatting up the resident jailbait. I think they are vying to be the next star of The Cougar.

Going into the night, with a doubleheader, we thought be would be dancing a two-step on the diamond.

On the front end of our double date, the Marauders had us tap dancing instead and put a scare into us in the top of the first inning when they dropped four runs on us. We got our bearings back, used some fancy footwork, scored two in the bottom of the inning and chipped away for the next four innings for a final score of 14-4.

After that game we took our annual team picture and hustled to my backyard garden and turned on the beer spigot in order to irrigate our throats for the first celebration of the night.




After watering our intestines, we mowed on back to the park.

The second game of the twin bill was a SLAM-dance. The Cougars brought tremors to Howard Park because of our Marauder momentum. By the end of the first inning the Wilmette Richter scale was dialed to ten. We came out with five quick ones in the top half of the inning. By the fifth inning we had ten runs and we stymied one of the league’s best teams to only one run over the same span. Later, we had one tough inning when the momentum started to shift and we almost dropped a deuce in our pants, but taking Joe D’s advice, I huddled at the mound with Melchiorre and used the ‘ol slowdown tactic. We added a few runs in the 6th and 7th innings and were 14-7 victors.

There were countless highlights – here are the best.

• Fortier was 7-7 for the night. He owned the bathpaths, played a killer shortstop and led the way to victory.
  
• Otsuka was a defensive marvel in left field. He made outstanding catches in his pasture highlighted by a running catch in foul territory with his back slamming against the fence.
  
• While in left field, Diddy fired a ball to Martin at third base to double up the runner, which got us out of a tight spot.
  
• Melchiorre was Sidd Finch last night. He was practically unhittable. For 9 of the 12 innings we played yesterday, Dave and our defense held our opponents scoreless. Dave also helped his cause with clutch hits and ran the bases like Oxer.
  
• Oxer punishes opponents with his baserunning. He is spraying shots at the plate and tearing around the bases. He took flight and landed on home plate for the winning run in game one. In the second game, when he was on bases we could not stop him from running around the bases to his assigned defensive position. Someone needs to tell him that just because he is the catcher does not mean he owns home plate.
  
• Flannery was our keystone pivot man. As the “4” position in the 6-4-3 double play, he coolly seized a throw from Fortier, elegantly swept his cleat across second base and chucked the ball to me at first base to end a SLAM rally and an inning. A double play is considered a pitcher’s best friend, but Flan-Dog wanted to be Dave's BFF on offense as well. Flannery had crucial hits to to gain some love from Melchiorre. This may or may not have something to do with Tim switching bats based on Coach’s suggestion (The Cougars are anxiously awaiting Tim’s analysis on this).
  
• Martin. Where do I begin? With his degenerating hips and knees, he walks down the sidewalk like Fred Sanford but if you put him in any sort of competition he turns into Usain Bolt. He has an innate ability to see things on the field that others don’t. From batting practice to the postgame, the guy is constantly chattering and helping the Cougars improve. He is our EF Hutton. He backs it up on the field too. He teases and challenges batters with his positioning and gets them to take the bait. He works the pitcher and turns singles into doubles. I may be the leader of the team but he is our field captain.

In the end, the Cougars were exhausted and exhilarated. The huge crowd emptied the stands, kept the momentum and packed the postgame party. Thanks again to so many family and friends that attend our games - we do appreciate it! We also thank the Hitmen, Hitwomen and the Marauders for cheering us on in left field!

Typically, sitting in one of Dr. McDonnell’s chairs is not a pleasant event. Last night, Phil and Meg served up an event that kept us in our seats well past midnight.

Here is Philthy feeding the hungry Cougars. We had loads of pizza and cheesy beef, chicken parm, and meatball sandwiches.




Thanks to Flannery and Fortier raiding their wine cellars, we enjoyed a few bottles of champagne. We skipped the appearance, bouquet, taste and aftertaste analysis. We simply raised our glass and cheered an exceptional team effort.




Then we drank more beer. Then we played bags. Then we finished off the celebration with shots of tequila (then we drank more beer).



Sober up boys!

Our back to back victories to end the regular season have put us in a round 1 playoffs rematch with SLAM.

Next Tuesday, the season starts over again.

Enthusiasm. Momentum. Celebration.

See you out there!

Green Shoots Turn Into Brown Manure

Today’s entry comes to you from Kenosha, WI.

You have all heard me say too many times (most recently last week) that after a tough loss it only takes the short walk over to the postgame to bounce back after a loss.

Not so yesterday.

Last night my walk took me many miles north to walk off the loss. Thankfully, Matt Foley was my walking mate. He has talked me out of the river and I am headed back to the flatlands.

We will carry that loss for a long long time. I have experienced some tough sporting losses in my recreational career but this one may top the list.

I am not sure what is lower this year - our run output or my ComEd bill.

The great news is that we had our biggest crowd of the year last night. The kids were so excited for the game. Check out the wonderful homemade sign by Annika.

Although he was hard to spot though the sea of fans, I am pretty sure Ben Bernanke was in the crowd during the first inning because I saw green shoots.

With seven runs in that first inning, it was like we were printing money in the field giving us a glimmer of hope. Then, as the game progressed, our green shoots turned into brown manure.

The Cougars, after our first inning stimulus package, needed some quantitative easing because our bats, like current real interest rates, were close to zero.

We went to extra innings but came out on the losing end of the trade, 10-9.

After the game, we headed over to postgame. You would have thought Mr. Miyagi helped organize the shindig because Danielsen had quite a spread. The food was better than eating at Arnold's.

In the end, it was an excellent matchup against a worthy opponent. We need to dust ourselves off and find the silver linings. More often than not, we can learn more from losing than winning, which is why we are the smartest team in the league.

Let’s hope the Cougar Wives Fan Club has a better showing for their Thursday night outing. Fittingly, they will take their own afterparty to Bluestone, which according to this first reviewer, is a bona fide Cougar den.

Truly, the best part of last night’s game is the fact that it was a brilliant summer night and we had a kid-friendly start time. Here are the real highlights from the game:

This one below is my favorite.

As you may be able to tell, the next two photos were taken in the late innings.

Our fans finished first last night. As you can see, everyone had a great time.

Noticably missing are pictures of the team. Maybe next week with smiles on our faces.

Our currency suffered some devaluation last night but we need to shed our legacy assets (um, liabilities) and have an upsurge of optimism for a full recovery next week.

__________________________________________________________

As a postscript and for the record, here is evidence that my spikes were not up during my slide. The Cougars like to get dirty but we play clean.