Cougars: Copyright Cougars

Historic Howard Park Cupola

Everyone knows that Captain Cougar is the CEO of the team. What you didn’t know is that the E does not stand for Executive.

It stands for Embellishment. Yep, Chief Embellishment Officer, and I even went to school for it.

Many times in the blog, I have mentioned how I attended community college and also flunked out of college twice.

What you don’t know is that I spent some time at Harvard in the early 1990s. Harvard has the distinction of being the oldest university in the United States. In fact, the Department of Plagiarism and Embellishment is the best in the nation.

HARVARD ACCEPTS SCOTT RADTKE

Now, let’s get it straight, I was on the Embellishment side of the school. The school taught me how to add decorative details when storytelling. There is never plagiarism in the blog. (Who else is writing this kind of stuff?!)

One would think that the plagiarism side of the school was teaching young minds how to avoid plagiarism crime. Turns out it was the opposite.

This headline writer must have been in my Embellishment class and learned how to soften an ethical crime. Cougar errors will now be known as an ‘Inaccuracy Period.’

It’s all so odd because Harvard’s motto is Veritas, the Latin word for Truth.

Folks should know that Harvard is not so good at being truthful just by looking at one of the University’s most iconic landmarks - The Statue of John Harvard. Sitting right there in historic Harvard Yard, the statue is known as the “Statue of Three Lies” because the inscription claims ol’ John Harvard was the founder (fact check - not true - he was a benefactor), that the university was founded in 1638 (fact check - not true - it was 1636), and the statue is of John Harvard (fact check - not true - the model for the statue was a student).

According to a Harvard blog article titled, The 3 Lies of Harvard, “Every day, students rub his toe on their way to class, hoping that it will give them luck on their next hard exam.” (Notice the proper attribution.)

The Cougars don’t play that way. In our yard, it is three strikes and you are out.

Truth be told, the Cougars have several things in common with Harvard: our nicknames both start with C, the Cougars are the oldest and most storied team in the league, we also have a wonderful green quad space at Howard Park, and our statue is the historic Howard School cupola. Oh, and our motto is also truth.

But unlike the Crimson crooks, the credible Cougars were out there spittin’ truth on Tuesday night!

The Cougars are never accused of intellectual property theft; when you write at a third grade level, it's really not that intellectual.

Playing lockdown defense and scoring every run after two outs, we did original work and Tito’s were the ones left smarting.

How ‘bout we recap the action starting with a Harvard-like headline:

Cougars Find More Instances of ‘Fantastic Flourishes’ in Captain’s Work.

1st Inning

We had first at bats, and Charley started the literary larceny with a double to right center on a pummeled ball. With two outs, Andy, a cut and paste artist, put it in the same spot for our first score. Fort walked. Martini hit a spinning infield fly that the first baseman couldn't handle to score another, and then Martini did Martini stuff by taking a wide turn at first goading the defense into chasing him, which allowed a run to score and Martini took third. Cougars score three.

On defense, Kev with a sliding catch for the first out. Martini got the second batter to pop out to him. Bobis deftly handled a rocket grounder for the third out.

Cougars 3 Tito’s 0

2nd Inning

Jimmy hit a laser up the middle and beat out the throw. Boom doubled to right center. Boom is not a literary looter so instead of stealing words, Boom stole third. Cougars went scoreless.

First batter got a hit. Next batter grounded to Charley and Andy had a perfect pickup at first base. Kev easily handled a fly ball to left. Ev notched the third out and Andy had another perfect pick.

Cougars 3 Tito’s 0

3rd Inning

Joker lined the ball right down the third base line. With two outs, Charley dropped one in front of the center fielder and tallied one and then made it to third with aggressive baserunning. Andy launched a truth bomb over the center fielder’s head for a homer. Cougars plate three.

First batter rapped a nice hit to left center. Kev caught one. Another hit for men on one and two. Martini to Charley for a force out. Bobi with a beauty catch on a hard drive to 2B.

Cougars 6 Tito’s 0

4th Inning

Cougars go down one two three.

The first Tito’s batter was safe on a close play (upon slo-mo fact check, he was out). That’s okay because the next batter hit a ball to JD at SC and he flipped it to Ev who, with the finesse of a forger, gracefully slid his foot on second base and threw across his chest to Andy for a sweet double play. Ev easily handled the next grounder and fired to Andy for the third out.

Cougars 6 Titos 0

5th Inning

Bobi flattened the ball to left center for a double. Eddy barreled a nice sac fly to move Bobi to third. With two outs, Joker ran like a gazelle and beat out an infield single for a run. Kev labeled one between SS and 3B for men on one and two. Ev singled to load em up. Charley tailed one to right center to score all three baserunners. Andy was charged with duplicative language by blasting his second homer over the entire outfield. Fort doubled to left. Martini punched it to the right side to score one more. JD, showing off his English skills, hit a short backspinner that landed right on the line. Cougars score seven.

The first three batters for Tito’s singled for one run. Infield fly rule for the first out. The next batter hit a sharp grounder and got doubled up by our duplication duo. Young Fort seized the ball and tossed it to old Fort who fired it to first for a double play to end the game.

Cougars 13 Titos 1

Diamond Dave didn't need to cheat while penning the scorebook. The Cougars were up by 10 in the 5th so we did the ethical thing by ending the slaughter.

The early finish gave our wonderful fans a break from all the clapping and cheering.

At the postgame, we celebrated with our arbiters of truth, Umpire Jim and Pastor Ted. Maybe Harvard should be like the Cougars and have guardians of integrity to ensure authenticity.

Let’s give the higher ups in higher education some grace. After all, we are all word wranglers. Everyone plagiarizes Webster but we hide it by changing the word sequence. And this blog would not exist if I didn’t look over Roget’s shoulder.

As you can see in the highlight video below, the Cougars always post our original work.

Be an original.

Don’t be a copycat.

Be a Cougar.

_________________

HIGHLIGHT VIDEO

_________________