Cougars: #NeverShack

It was Super Tuesday out at Howard Park this week.

The Green Party faced the Red Party in a hotly contested primary battle.

Shack won in a landslide. The chickens turned into elephants and stomped their way to a 13-2 victory. This pundit will try to spin the story in order to misdirect and divert the bad news.

Chicken Shack filibustered for the first three innings as each of their representatives redistricted the ball for a 12 - 0 lead. Even Witzy hit a ball towards second base – the first time he has ever leaned right! It was anarchy!

The Cougars were not about to be lame ducks. With big swing votes, Baby Kale and Pastor Ted slammed balls to the beltway putting them on first and third. Flandog knocked in the frontrunner for our first tally. Diamond Dave then punched the ticket for our second delegate to try and make it a horse race. Shack up 12-2.

Shack scored once more but there was a term limit on the game and we only played five innings because the Cougars were absentees and Shack stuffed the ballot box to win, 13-2. A yuuuge victory for Shack! The Cougars were in a blue state after the game.

The fan turnout for the contest was record setting but our performance made the Cougar fans the silent majority.

In the primary season this year, the Cougars and Shack have split the vote in our two games, each winning one. It is the end of year runoff that really matters.

Looking back at past results, while the Cougars have lost the popular vote over the last 17 contests, we have won a championship and two playoff games in the general election.

In fact, coming into Tuesday’s contest, the Cougars were the incumbents with a three game winning streak over the Shackers. The challengers decided that the Cougars were not the presumptive champions and have now evened up the count to 5 - 5 over the last ten games.

After the game, both the Green Party and the Red Party headed over to the Blue Party. The Brennan family hosted a spectacular tri-partisan convention for the Tappers, Shackers and Cougars.

In the end, the Cougars were Trumped during the game and that may be Hillaryious to some, but win or lose our fans give us the highest approval rating!