About 15 years ago I started a position with The Royal Bank of Scotland. My immediate superiors were in New York but our team had regular interaction with colleagues in Scotland and England.
As a kid growing up south of
Chicago, working for an international bank was a new and worldly experience for
me.
Soon after starting with
RBS, I was quickly introduced to British lingo.
The very first time we pitched a potential investment to the risk
committee, we were told the deal was a “dog’s breakfast.” In translation, a complete mess!
Also, early in my tenure, just
before we became the largest bank in the world, I was in a small informal
gathering with our CEO, Fred Goodwin. Our
knighted CEO, known as Sir Fred, was expounding the on the eminence of our institution
in his thick Scottish accent. “You work
for The Royal Bank of Scotland. You walk
with swagger!” I will never forget that word
or how he said it with his distinct rising intonation:
swag-GAH!
The Cougars are walking with
a bit of swagger after a 10-7 smashing victory over our Chicken Shack mates on the
rounders pitch Tuesday night.
With the unsummerlike weather,
it felt like brass monkeys outside but supporters for both squads rolled up at
Howard Park.
1st
Inning
Looking quite like the dog’s
dinner (opposite of dog’s breakfast, of course) clothed in our bespoke green coloured
uniforms, the Cougars had piss-poor hitting and went down 1-2-3.
Shacker blokes OB and Pekar had
base hits with lucky buggers Jack and Jimmy knocking them across the plate
pinching us for two runs.
2-0
Shack
2nd
Inning
We were chuffed to bits when
Martini and JD each singled and Strong Coffey laced a hit for two RBIs.
On defense, we had a
cracking inning and only allowed a hit by Todd.
All
square at 2-2.
3rd
Inning
Lip led off with a pound. Pokes by Flandog and Baby Kale drove him home. They made it look easy-peasy.
The Cougar defense told
Shack to get lost allowing only one hit to good lad Spinner and permitted no
runs.
3-2
Cougars
4th
Inning
Fort, Rads and Martini all
got consecutive hits with Joker and JD driving in all three runners.
Shack matched our three runs
with hits by Oh, George, Sheridan and Kennett.
A
very chummy inning for both clubs. 6-5
Cougars.
5th
Inning
We gave a clap for Lip with
his second hit of the night but the Cougars did not score.
Shack was snookered and went
down 1-2-3.
6-5
Cougars
6th
Inning
The sixth inning all went to
pot for Shack and was a stonking success for the Cougars.
Baby Kale started it with his second hit of
the game. Then Diamond Dave punched a
single and Flandog pinch ran for him. The Cougars had chaps on first and second base. Boom ripped a hard infield grounder with Kale
scoring and Flandog moving to third base.
Fort shot a ball to third base which caught Flandog in a shambolic
rundown. Fort on first and
Boom on second with Rads at the plate. Rads
poked it towards centre field. Jimmy Oh intercepted the grounder and placed
the tag on an advancing Fort and completed the play with a throw to JK at first
base to double up Rads. But wait! Fort skived off the tag at second and Rads was
knees up on the way to first base to beat the toss all while Boom raced home to
score from second base.
A kerfuffle ensues with the
umpire. Shack thought the decisions were a load of tosh and essentially called
the ump a wanker. The Shack have three
barristers on their team and each had a chin-wag with the field judge.
The next batter was Martini,
embodying the definition of a scallywag, crushed a hit to the outfield. Fort scored and Rads raced to third
base. Joker was up next and ripped it down the
left field line. The left fielder, Jack,
running quickly towards the line, seemingly caught the ball while on the line
in fair territory but it fell while in foul territory. Umpire yelled fair ball and Rads scored. Shack told the umpire to get stuffed and they
all had quite a row. Shack then got an ear
bashing by the ump. Cougars scored four.
We took the dirt on defense
and told Shack to sod off. We put them down
1-2-3.
10-5
Cougars
7th
Inning
The Cougars had three consecutive hits by Bobi, Strong Coffey and Pastor Ted. We plastered the bases but could not tally a
run. Our at-bat turned into a bit of a
damp squib.
Trying to prevent an attack
of the collywobbles, the Cougars got nicked for two runs but we stopped faffing
around to get three outs.
The
Cougars get the bloody win 10-7!
The Cougars then said cheerio
to Howard Park and made our way to the posh pub in the back of our flat. We were knackered and peckish after such an
intense game. The postgame nosh by Kale
and Molly was scrummy and the pints left us legless. A jolly good time was had by all.
Speaking of pints, a couple years
into my time at the Royal Bank of Scotland, I was afforded the opportunity to quaff
a couple pints with Swaggering Sir Fred Goodwin. One of my chums asked him what kept him up at
night. He replied, “Our venerable institution
has been in existence longer than the United States of America. It is my duty to maintain that status.” With eerie foreshadowing, a few years later RBS
lost its independence when the British Government took the reins during worldwide
financial meltdown in 2008. Sir Fred was
stripped of his knighthood in 2012.
Fred Goodwin learned that excessive
swagger will render one arse about face and kicked in the bollocks. The Cougars will not drop a clanger and be a
bunch of tossers by acting prattish. Remember
that Cougars and Chicken Shack have a rematch in just over a fortnight.
Cheers!
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Game Video
Watch the game on your telly!
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