Cougars Are Not Beavers

In our inaugural season, the then winless Cougars surprised the Misfit Beavers, one of the better teams in the league, with the first victory in our history. 

This year, we have already handed the Tappers their first victory ever and after last night's first inning, we were well on our way to doing it again with the Geriatric Springers.

We had first at-bats and went 1-2-3 in the top of the first.  The Springers dropped 5 on us in the bottom of the first.  Both teams were scoreless in the second.  Then the Cougars roared back.  The game was 6-6 after 3, 10-6 after 4, 12-6 after 5, 14-6 after 6 and 25-6 after we rounded the bases 11 times in the top of the 7th. 

At the postgame, the Cougars punched their ballots for Cougar of the Game.  Our man Hoglund was the runaway winner.  Hogs played three different positions flawlessly and was a home run short of the cycle.  His triple to right-center was a Ruthian bomb and he was the one needing a medic after puffing around the bases.  In fact, Dan played so well that the Springers asked him to sub in the nightcap of their doubleheader.

Flandog won the postgame award for hosting us and sharing his new toy, Night Light Baggo.

Three years ago this week, we played in one of our most memorable games.  Captain Cougar is about to board a plane so click the link below to relive and enjoy our first victory ever.   

ANY GIVEN TUESDAY

Right is Wrong

We all want to be right.  In softball, right is wrong, at least in the mathematical "greater than" expression.

6 > 5

When playing ball, even Republicans would want to be on the left.  The right is reserved for conservative scores.

The Cougars lost by one run for the third time this season.  Unlike other one-run losses this year, in this contest we were the team making the late charge.

The Tappers started the game by pouring five runs on the Cougars in the first two innings.  Over the next four innings the Cougars clawed back and scored four runs while holding our McKenzie rival scoreless.  

In the top of the 7th, our challenger tapped a lone run across the plate to take a 6-4 lead.  In the bottom of the inning, with two outs, the Cougars crushed back to back triples to close the gap to one.  Our last shot was a smash down the third base line that is not caught every day, but this one was.

The Tappers graciously hosted both teams to the postgame party.  We were able to enjoy the wonderful night for a couple hours before the wind and rain blanketed us.  Father Time ended the first Cougars/Tappers match early and Mother Nature ended this postgame early.   

Next week, we will try to be on the left of the relational operator.  Speaking of operators, I did try to call the 1-800-SOFTBALL help desk after the game but the storm knocked out the phone lines.

Click here to enjoy some photos from the night.

1-800-SOFTBALL

A confession.  Losing is hard for me.  It takes a toll on the body and the brain.  Sometimes you just can't get through it alone.  There are times you just need to talk with someone about your problems.  

So after we lost to Gulliver's 11-10 I felt the need to express my feelings.  I was going to talk to Julie about it but I knew she would confirm my thoughts that I am always reasonable, patient and even-keeled.

Instead, I called a little known help desk created specifically to help athletes deal with defeat.  I don't have much to write today so I thought I would just share the transcript.

Captain Cougar:

Hello, is this the help line for struggling athletes?

Pleasant Woman With Beautiful Voice:

Well, yes, it is sir. Are you a professional or an amateur?

Amateur.

Ok, let me transfer you to that department.

Cranky Man with Gravelly Voice:

Rec league amateur help desk, what do you want?

Captain Cougar:

Uh, yes, hi.  I'd like to talk about my game tonight.

Sure you do.  That's all everyone wants to talk about when they call.  Let me guess, you lost a heartbreaker.

Well, yes, you are correct.

You probably lost it in the bottom of the 7th, too.

Yeah, that's right.

Welcome to the club, buddy.

I thought this was a help desk.  You are not being very helpful.

You want some sweet talk then you should have called the 900 number.  Now just tell me the facts.

Well, we came out in the first inning and scored three runs.  Boom and Stabber ripped singles and JD popped a home run.

And what's wrong with that?

Nothing, nothing.  In fact, we held the lead almost all game.

Until the 7th, right?

Yes, yes, hold on, I will get there.  Everyone was playing well.  We had 14 out there tonight and everyone contributed and hit well.  Hogs was injured but he was out there cheering us on.  JD, Bobi, Flandog and The Lip played great defense on the right side of the field.  Boom played an inspired SS.  Diamond Dave was throwing clutch strikes.  Diddy, Stabber, Trouter and Thejokewriter all patrolled the outfield with ease.  We needed both Philthy and Fort to fill the large pants of JOx.  In fact, to honor him, I wore JOx's pants last night.

You wore another man's pants?  Really?

Yes, the pants have never been this dirty.  JOx was a clean player.

What's with the pet names?  Don't you people have real names?

Of course, but it's more fun to have nicknames.  And after a tough loss, I like to think of them as aliases.

So how did the rest of the innings go?  

Everybody was hitting it down and hard and taking the extra base.  In the top of the 6th, we scored four runs to break the tie and extend the lead.

You had a four run lead going into the 7th?

Yes.

What happened?

Gulliver's started hitting and travelling around the bases.  

Nice.

What?

Gulliver's...travels.  Do you always do that?

What?

Don't go Barbarino on me; you know, the cute lines.

It's all I have.  My material is pretty lilliputian.

You can stop now.

Ok.

What I am hearing is that you had a well-played, hard fought match and you lost in the last inning.

It's just hard when they get you in the end.

Enough already.

Ok.  Ok.  Sorry.

What is your team name?

Cougars.

Let me guess, you probably have beat that double entendre into the ground.

Like I said, my reservoir is not deep.

Tell me about these Cougars.  Are they a bunch of schmucks?

No, they are great guys.  I cherish our summers together.

What about your fans?  

Loyal and enthusiastic.

What did you do after the game?

We went to my backyard and drank a few cold ones.

Was everybody pouting?

No, we just analyzed the game looking for spots to improve.

Did the party end quickly because everyone was down?

No.  In fact, we were out there until past midnight.

Don't you people have jobs?

Yes, but I always think a hangover takes your mind off the loss.  

That's a different help desk.

Right.

So let me get this straight, the Cougars played a solid game but the other team eeked it out?

That's right.

Now tell me this, is your record good enough to make the playoffs?

Everyone makes the playoffs.

Huh, everyone?

Yes.

All right, so if everyone makes the playoffs, then there must be some prize money or a trophy for winning the most games?

Nope.

Not even a t-shirt?

Not even a t-shirt.

Let's recap.  Everyone makes the playoffs and there is no prize money, no trophy and not even a t-shirt, right?

Correct.  Winning games and bringing home a title is essentially for pride and I tend to value my self worth by wins and losses.  Self-loathing sets in after a loss.

Listen, I am not the empathetic type, but I did hear that writing your feelings down after a game might help.  Have you ever tried that?

Um, well, yeah, I sorta do that after every game.

You write down your feelings in a journal and then hide it in a desk?

Uh, no, I publish it to the web.

What has this world come to?  Men sharing feelings to the world.   Well, because  you are already disclosing your emotions to the world, what else is wrong in your life?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Right, I am a happy and fortunate guy to have a great family and friends in a wonderful community.

So, it's just the loss that is bringing you down?

Yes.

If losing an old man recreational league softball game is the biggest problem you have, then you have no problems, buddy.

You are right.  Thanks.  Hey, by the way, what was the deal with that pretty sounding woman that answered the call?

That's for the professional athletes.

Oh.

And it's not a help desk.

Huh?  

Set up by Tiger Woods. 

Oh, I get it.

Farewell to a Cougar

As most Cougar fans already know, last night we toasted everyone's favorite Cougar, JOx, and his most loyal fans, Heather, Annie, and Lucy.  This family made an indelible impression in our lives and in our hearts.  Heck, they even added a new word to our lexicon.  Some of you probably remember the definition for Oxerize, given in a previous blog, but here's a review taken directly from the newest edition of Webster's. 

Oxerize (v) ahx-er-ahyz

1. to make larger or more powerful; especially by adding details to

2. to increase in size, extent, effect, sometimes through decadence and extravagance

3. to make Cougars giddy

A simple blog entry to say farewell to our retiring and relocating Cougar catcher would certainly not be enough to send him off.  How can one Oxerize this farewell blog?

By giving our dear departing Cougar his own blog.  Enjoy!

In the early spring of 2008, a softball team was formed.  The main goal of this team was to get a night out, be relatively competitive and quaff a few cold ones after the game.  Yes, this is a story that has been told, but let's walk down memory lane, or rather Spencer Avenue.

When assembling the team, I thought it would be neighborly to ask the new guy across the street to  join the team.  I rang the bell and answering the door was one wife, two kids, two grandparents and one dog but no Jeremy; he was still on his way home from work.  

I introduced myself and said that I came to inquire if the man of the house would like to play softball with my new team.  In unison, their responses of “Jeremy???” were filling my ears with quizzical sing-songy voices. I later found out that Jeremy had never played baseball or softball of any kind. After I offered tissues to wipe their shared tears of laughter, it was Heather that said, “Yes, he will play softball.”  

Just then, Jeremy walked to the front door. The dog was barking, the kids were jumping, the grandparents were talking, the wife was beaming, and the new player found the situation frightening.

Who knew that we had quite a catch on our hands?  Finding Jeremy for the Cougars is like going to the depths of Latin America to find that one ballplayer than you can sign for a low salary but will bring the best out of the whole team.  His only contract demands were a few adult beverages after the game, and, well, he really did not want to play that often.

It's impressive that in a few short years this cat, who had never played the game in his life, now leaves as an all-star.

Let's take a pictorial trip through the stunning and dazzling career of JOx.  

 Although Jeremy didn't often make the 8:00 a.m. Cougar practices, you can see he still managed to transform himself into a slugger.

On the bases he was surprisingly swift.  Fielders could not stop him.

Jeremy was a superstar on the green grass and the green felt.  JOx became one of Wilmette's finest poker players. 

 Oxer hosted us in his garage so we could play poker "South Side Style."

Flynner, JOx and I organized McKenzie's inaugural poker party.

We played poker at Jeremy's until 3am on a summer Friday...

...and we played poker at 3:00pm on a winter snow day.

Oxer also gave us plenty of sartorial satire and merry material.

This is how JOx showed up to play softball when the weather was not so kind.   
Rain Coat.  Check.  Boots.  Check.  Umbrella.  Check. 

Don't confuse Oxerize with exercise.  And don't think this was recent.  Carbon emissions will go down in Wilmette once Jeremy moves.  He would even drive to my house.

In this pic, Oxer practices for Florida weather at the beach.


 

And here, Jeremy shows us how one should appropriately dress in a snowstorm to deliver coffee to a neighbor in need.

How Oxer cools off on a hot day.

 Jeremy giving us the famous eyebrow that says, "really?".






Here is Jeremy showing off his new sweatsuit that will help him fit in with the Florida crowd.

How could we host a proper send-off for this local legend?  We weren't sure we were up for the challenge, but this is the agenda we set for June 7, 2011, Oxer's last game:

1. Order up a lovely summer night without a rain cloud in sight.
2. Tell JOx to go 3-for-3 and score every time at bat. 
3. Make sure Jeremy provides his infamous chatter behind the plate. 
4. Win quickly so we can start the party. 
5. Have ample Chicken Shack delivered to feed the Cougars, the Springers, the Shack, the Tappers, and all Oxer well-wishers. 
6. Recruit Diddy to whip up two pans of his addictive buffalo chicken dip.
7. Have a keg delivered, although this will probably be too much beer for a Tuesday night. (Note that not only was the keg drained, we even had to break out bottled beer.)
8. Get a Deerfield's cake large enough to feed the entire state of Florida.  
9. Hire a cheap photographer, such as my father-in-law, Steve Ots, to capture the festivities.
10. Have Heather give me an almost life-sized poster of JOx finishing his marathon, so that we can still take Ox to the post-games with us.
11. Present Oxer with a Cougar-signed Clincher.  During my speech, joke that I'd throw the ball to him, but he might not catch it.  Throw it to him, have him catch it one-handed with a beer in the other hand. Crowd will go wild. 
12. Relive a perfect night through photos.   (Click this link to view)

It's amazing when things work out exactly as planned.  Thanks to all who were able to come out last night and celebrate Jeremy, Heather, Annie, and Lucy.   

As the Oxer family prepares to move, we will miss them at Howard Park and on Spencer Avenue, but we know that they will bring as much sunshine to Florida as they brought to Wilmette.  Best wishes always, Oxers!

Sensing A Victory

Inhaling the lilac infused air.

        Eavesdropping on the squawks and squeals of the birds.

               Gazing at the trees and plants as the sun gives abundant color.

                      Savoring the piquant coffee that was roasted by an all-star pitcher.

                               Caressing the keyboard to commemorate the Cougar conquest.

What a way to start my Wednesday morning!  My five senses are alive and my mind and body feel reinvigorated.  

Of course, had we lost, the self-loathing and the questioning of life's meaning would have commenced upon rising.  But our team was victorious for the second week in a row.

Last night, the Cougars played Ethervision, which is a team we had never bested.  Every game against this team of many Central School dads has been tight and last night we came out victorious, 8-6.

Over the last two weeks the Cougars have played terrific defense, adding to the explosive offense and last night we had many stars.

• Lipinski once again led the scoring charge.  For our first run of the game, he rounded third like a freight train and violently slid into home plate leaving some epidermis on the field.

• Flannery, hands down, has the best catch and pivot in the league and is quickly becoming the league's top short center.

• Bookstaber made a running, over-the-head, backwards, game-saving catch in center field.

• Otsuka plays at such a high level in left field that we take his skills for granted.  Last night was no exception as he came up with his usual excellent catches.

• Bobis is a tower of power at the plate and scored our game-winning run.

• Danielsen made a number of stabs at first base that made his infielders look good.  Our man also made another great save by hosting a top-notch postgame. 

• Lipsey continued to rope the ball all over the field and ran like a gazelle on the bases.

• Boomgaarden showed off his moves at shortstop.  His hands are like glue and his arm a cannon.

• Melchiorre pitched a stellar game with no walks and timely strikes.  His clutch hitting knocked in a run and helped his own cause.

• Hoglund was on the disabled list last night but dressed in full green and rooted fiercely for his compatriots.

• McDonnell came off the DL last night for his season debut.  His broken foot healed (kind of), he pounded the ball and raced around the bases while readying to replace Oxer behind the plate.

• Oxer, in his penultimate game, was a force behind the plate and in the batter's box.  His snap throws to first almost pegged a couple runners and he was swift on the bases.  He even got a number of cheers from our opponent, many of whom are his old neighbors. 

• The fans are always a highlight, especially at a 9:00pm game.  Our friends and family gave us many ovations and propelled our confidence late in the game. 

While my traditional five senses were piqued this morning, my sixth sense tells me the Cougars could be on a streak...