Kangaroo Court - Week 10

From the Chambers of Judge Diddy:

Between beers and bagel dogs, the KC was in session at last night's postgame. (I'll channel our tangential blogger for a moment: we put up a zero on the scoreboard and generally played like canines, so it was only appropriate that we had bagel dogs after the game). So for those who missed it, here were the KC's rulings:

• Fortier for $1 for playing for the Hitmen for one inning. Yes, Steve was just helping out some friends and yes, the Hitmen just needed him for an inning, but the Cougars are a team of laws not men and the KC simply cannot abide a Cougar playing for an opposing team. (Unless of course Hitman Steve would've booted every ball that came his way.) Steve indicated that he may be fully indemnified by the Hitmen for this transgression. The KC frankly does not concern itself with who pays the fine as long as the fine is paid.
  

• Philthy for $1 for fraternizing with Hitwomen when he was supposed to be coaching third base. I suppose we all take some of the blame for this one -- after all, what did we expect would happen when we turned The Mayor of Howard Park loose to coach a base that was so close to other human beings? Some glad-handing, grins and gossip was inevitable. But Philthy took it up a notch and earned another $1 for having the audacity to hope that nobody would call him on his denial that "I did not have verbal relations with those women." Unfortunately for Phil, the smoking gun evidence, the blue dress, if you will, was provided by several Cougars who witnessed said verbal relations. There is no truth to the rumor, however, that an independent prosecutor will be appointed to investigate the good Doctor. The Mayor has paid his debt to society and to the KC.
  

• Danielsen for $1 for failing to run out a pop-up. Jeff apparently believed that he would be called out on account of the infield fly rule, but because there was only a runner on first base, the infield fly rule was not applicable. So if Keefe had taken a chance and dropped the pop-up, they could've turned the double play. (Captain Cougar is on the phone with the league commissioner at this very moment trying to get 15 copies of the official rule book. Oxer, among others, needs a refresher course.)
  

• Trout for $1 for missing the game and postgame. While we are sure that Trouter would've made it if he could, the KC wanted him to know that he was missed. The KC shows its feelings in odd ways.
  

• Finally, when the idea for the KC was hatched, we envisioned using it as a way to cut down on the gifts that Joe D abhors. Little did the KC know that it would end up playing the role of Queer Eye for the Cougar Guy. From dickies to stirrups to galoshes, the Cougars deserve their own episode of What Not to Wear. And Lipsey gets $1 for continuing that tradition. Because words cannot accurately describe the enormity of the fanny pack he was sporting, we are fortunate to be able to attach photographic evidence.

The KC stands in recess.