Cougars: Playboy Cougars

On a sultry Tuesday at Howard Park, the atmosphere was so charged, we almost shed our evening gowns. The Cougars were a bona fide smokeshow, clinching a 12-8 conquest.

Alluring Howard Park Centerfold

The Cougars ooze sex appeal. We're frisky, sexy, and fun, mirroring the essence of Playboy. Both Playboy and the Cougars have the tagline of “Entertainment for Men.”

Hugh Hefner launched Playboy as a lifestyle and entertainment magazine, and Captain Cougar started the team and writes the blog for 16-inch entertainment. While Hef married Playmates, Captain Cougar married the prom queen. Both our stories, deeply rooted in Chicagoland, celebrate a legacy of charm and charisma. Everybody knows that Playboy and the Cougar blog are read for the articles, not the sexy shots.

Hugh Hefner and Captain Cougar also share a love for luscious looks and artful alliteration.

WHAT SORT OF MAN READS PLAYBOY?
A young man whose zestful drive puts him on the green early in the game. His approach to life? Work plus play in equal parts. Charting a success course in business or a profession, or accepting the challenge of a famous golf course, he plays to win. And he wins often.
- 1973 -

Playboy Magazine's centerfold feature included a "Playmate Data Sheet" that asked a series of personal questions. Let’s learn about our centerfold Cougars.

Playmate Data Sheet

Name

Cougars

Date of Birth

April 29, 2008

Place of Birth

Wilmette, Illinois

Measurements

16 inches

Ambitions

More bling - another championship ring!

Turn-Ons

Diamonds and Daves

Turn-Offs

Opponents wearing green

Favorite Foods

Fried chicken & pizza

Favorite Movies

"About Last Night"

Favorite Song

"Big Balls" by AC/DC

Favorite Reading

Tales of sixteen-inch swingers

Favorite TV Shows

Watching the Cougars frolic on YouTube

Favorite Sound

The rhythmic thumping of a heavy bat connecting with a ball

Hobbies

Capturing my playmates in action on video

Ideal Evening

Getting dirty with my playmates and then cozying up around a warm fire

Likes

Philthy jokes

Dislikes

Rainy Tuesdays

Ideal Man

Skilled in the game, even better in the postgame

Philosophy

It’s always good to have your Pastor nearby when you're with your playmates

Guilty Pleasure

Wheel plays

Now that you know all about the Cougars, let’s hear about their game.

1st Inning

We unveiled our strategy in our first at bats. Kev, our dashing leadoff hitter, beat out an infield single, setting the tone for the evening. Andy and Fort followed suit, sending fly balls soaring to the right side, as we notched our first tally. JD smacked a liner up the middle to plate our second run leaving the fielders heads spinning.

ONG managed to claw back one, but the Cougars held the lead.

Cougars 2 ONG 1

2nd Inning

Eddy lashed a liner through the infield but we couldn't bring him home.

Joker turned home plate into his stage and called pitches with the precision of a Playboy Party Jokes punchline, denying our opponents any chance to score.

Cougars 2 ONG 1

3rd Inning

As the action heated up, Kev spanked the ball to center. Charley ravaged the next pitch down the right field line, smartly and swiftly rounding the bases for a two-run homer. Fort hit a beauty of a ball down the right field line but was left stranded on the dirt.

Our opponents showcased their skills and edged ahead with a foursome in the inning.

Cougars 4 ONG 5

4th Inning

Boom eyed a walk, setting the stage for our offensive onslaught. Bobi, our power hitter, took the cover off the ball with a RBI double. Lil Rads, with four balls, cruised to first like a VIP arriving at the Playboy Club. Kev, with the strength of a bull, pummeled a double to center for a ribbie. Charley, with his unhandleable bunny bouncer, added to our tally with a single. Andy pushed it through the infield for two more RBIs. The Cougars roared back with five runs, reclaiming the lead.

ONG grabbed a couple and flirted with more but we were saved on the dirt by Li’l Rads virility.

Cougars 9 ONG 7

5th Inning

Martini, our smooth singles operator, started us off with a base hit. JD, with the patience of a gentleman, eyed the walk, while Eddy laced a liner for another tally. Boom, with a casual walk in the park, added one more for us.

Our opponents were left scoreless, seduced and mesmerized by Martini’s vertical pitches.

Cougars 10 ONG 7

6th Inning

Lil Rads walked on the wild side setting the stage for Andy. With a swing as smooth as a Playboy Bunny's strut, he sent the ball soaring into the setting sun for a dinger, adding two more runs to our tally.

We continued to flaunt our defensive strength in the bottom of the inning. Our opponent mounted a little rally, but a stunning double play ended their hopes.

Cougars 12 ONG 7

7th Inning

As the game drew to a close, Martini and JD both hit on the opponent but their advances were denied.

Our opponents managed to score one more, but it was too little, too late.

Cougars 12 ONG 8

Victorious, it was time for Playboy After Dark. The Cougars sauntered off to the Playboy Mansion for a well-deserved celebration. The Cougars thrive on the thrill of the game, relishing every moment of getting hot, sweaty, and dirty with our Playmates.

Look below and catch every thrilling moment in our sexy highlight reel (and a few fast fun postscripts on the bottom).

Go Cougars!

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HIGHLIGHT VIDEO

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SCOREBOOK

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STANDINGS

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RESULTS

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SCHEDULE

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POSTSCRIPT

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Here's a video you'll love. A young Tina Turner in 1969 knocking it out of the park on Playboy at Night. She puts on an incredible performance. Highly recommend.

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POST-POSTSCRIPT

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If you scrolled all the way down here, then I have a story for you.

It was 1999, and I had a meeting with Playboy to discuss the financing of their satellites. Because it was a non-standard investment for us, I brought my head of risk along with me. Plus, it was Playboy. The more the merrier.

We had a good meeting and as we were exiting the office, the Playboy chief financial officer said, "It's nice there were only two of you I had to meet."

I said, "Oh, why's that?"

He said, "Well, IBM was here yesterday and they brought six people! I told them the centerfolds are in LA not Chicago!