The Not Ready for Prime Time Players

Let’s run the numbers:

2             Games we lost last night.

3             Games we lost in the last two weeks.

11           The total number of runs we scored last night in both games.

17           The number of runs each of our opponents scored last night.

23           The number of runs last week’s opponent scored.

47           The number of wheels in Martini’s garage.

101         The primer softball class we need to retake with Joe D.

911         The emergency sub number we called for Pastor Ted and Bruno.  

2011       The last time we won a championship.

3853       The amount of sports gear in Martini's garage.

 

 

Even with our well rounded athleticism, we can all agree that the Cougars have certainly not been prime time material.

So, how about a recap?

Like with any math problem, we need to show our work.  Here you go...

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Last week, we lost 23-1 against Miller Time.  Our lone run was a supersonic Boom headfirst slide into home plate.  

Last night we lost both ends of a doubleheader.  The first game against Templeton Rye was 17-4 and the nightcap was a 17-7 rematch against Miller Time.

Here are some prime examples of our efforts:

• Hogs had 3 hits on the night with a couple screamers to the gap.

• Pastor Ted thumped the ball and covered 1B and 2B with ease.

• Thejokewriter knocked in multiple runs even with a pulled hammy.

• Bruno ignored the No Guns sign at the park by showing off his arm strength.

• Ski sloped the ball to the outfield valleys.

• Boom took line drives to the heart in left field and beat out several hits. 

• Martini was an infield marvel while playing  pitcher, catcher and shortstop.

• JD dinged a homer and made a gliding catch in centerfield that would have made John Fogerty proud.

• Bobi demolished the ball and bagged three doubles.

• Captain Cougar fulfilled a lifelong dream by pitching at Howard Park.

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Even after two weeks of losses, we still found time to party and get primed like Euclid.

Last week the Philthy Phamily hosted the Cougars to a Mediterranean feast with a Pita Inn postgame.  We also celebrated the anniversary of Dr. Phil’s birth.

After last night's game, the Martini family went with their Ohio roots and served up Cincinnati Chili and Coney Dogs.  Like Philthy, TMart was also celebrating the prime of her life.

 

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As we all know, a prime number can only be divided by itself and by 1.

After getting slaughtered three games in a row, the Cougars will not be divided.

We are indivisible!

Name Changing | Game Changing

Previous work has shown that people with names that have positive associations do especially well in life. For example, teachers tend to award higher essay grades to children who they believe have more likeable names (Rose, for instance), college students whose names have undesirable associations experience high levels of social isolation, and those whose surnames happen to have negative connotations (such as Short, Little, or Bent) are especially likely to suffer feelings of inferiority.

• Richard Wiseman, Professor and Author

It’s true for baseball team names, as well.

After the 2007 season, following several years of futility, Tampa Bay changed their name from Devil Rays to simply Rays.   In 2008, the newly named Rays were the American League champions.

Between 1876 and 1889, the Chicago baseball club was flawlessly nicknamed the White Stockings and won six National League pennants.  In 1890, the ball club was unwisely nicknamed the Colts and in 1898 the Orphans.  They never won another pennant during those years.  In 1902, the club nickname was changed to the Cubs, which was adopted as the official team name in 1907.  You know what happened after that?  Back to back World Series championships in 1907 and 1908. 

In 2008, the Dead Cougars were born.  We lost every game we played that spring.  We dropped the Dead and changed our name to simply Cougars on July 2, 2008, the day after our first victory (go ahead - search seven years of archives – it’s true).  Not too long after, on August 16, 2011, we won our first championship.

Why do I write this?  Well, we played a new team to the league Tuesday night named Team He Gone.  Like the Dead Cougars, Devil Rays or Orphans, Team He Gone is ineptly named.  The reference is presumptuously homage to Hawk Harrelson’s strikeout call of “HE GONE!”

After the Cougars beat Team He Gone 10 - 5 Tuesday night, my helpful suggestion would be to rename their team.  How about “Team You Can Put It On The Board, YES!”?  (The Cubs may want to get in on the rename game too.)

Moving from renaming to recapping:

The Cougars came out strong with three quick runs and held Team He Gone to two runs over two innings.  The Good Guys slid a couple across the plate in the third for a 5 - 2 lead but the Bad Guys, unlike their name, were not going anywhere with three runs in the middle innings to tie it up 5 - 5.  Mercy!  The Cougars were not going to sit there Stone faced and be Wimpy about this game.  In the final two innings we put up a crooked number to make the game 10 - 5 and say that the ballgame was o-vah!  Dadgum right!

Let’s go to the highlight reel – we were all picks to click:

• Boom was on fire!  He crushed three hits, beat out a force play at second base with lightning speed and cannoned the ball to third base to destroy an advancing runner.

• Thejokewriter drove in runs right and left (well, really just to the left side).

• Martini had three RBI with an almost homer.  He stole a base.  He also pitched a gem.  In a 30 second span during a crucial part of the game he recorded two outs.  First, with two strikes on the batter and a man on first base, he jumped froglike off the mound towards the third base line for an angled pitch.  He caught the batter looking and notched a backward K.  After Philthy returned the ball, Martini stepped on the mound, faked a pitch and fired it to JD at first base to pick off the runner (who was only inches off the base.)

• JD rocked the ball, raced the bases and was a defensive marvel.

• Bobi extended his team lead for triples and had two other singles.

• Diddy demonstrated why he was given that splendid nickname and sprayed the ball over the field and saved our tails repeatedly with running and diving catches.

• Philthy drilled the ball harder than he drills molars with a 3-4 effort, including a double.

• Flandog had a crucial single with two out in the top of the last inning and was flawless on the defensive side.

• Singin’ Dave, in his first game in over a year, demolished the ball at the plate, injuring a few defensive fingers.

• Diamond Dave went down hard hustling out a single.  Our Diamond may be rough for a while.  

Singin' Dave helping Diamond Dave out of the park.

Oh, don’t worry, we are not skipping the postgame show.  That’s the best part.

We all grabbed some bench, cinched it up and hunkered down with BBQ, beer, bags and birthday cake.

The Flandog family hosted a fantastic feast festival, which was closed down by the female Cougars.  

It was a Hecky of a spread!

Flandog turns fortysomething!

Just waiting for more ribs.

With the Cougars victorious we will not be changing our name any time soon.  

Although, the more I think about it, the name Wilmette Winners has a nice alliterative melodic ring to it.