If the Cougars placed a personal ad on match.com or gocougar.com, the profile would summarize our interests as: softball, poker, partying, and reading the blog that recaps all the softball, poker and partying.
We already have one professional comedian on our team (every Saturday Lipsey can be heard at 9:30am 820AM and is available for private gigs), but the team treated your softball CEO like Rodney Dangerfield on Friday night by badgering Captain Cougar into an offseason blog entry (they said something about me having gobs of time on my hands, huh, wonder what that means).
You see, the blog curtain always drops 24 hours after the last out of the season. No fake encores here in Cougartown. This is unlike most concerts when the the band goes off stage, but the house lights are still down. You know the band is coming back or they would have raised the lights. So you have to sit there and clap and feel like a complete tool until the band comes back on stage.
Well, your author is back on stage, but wait! The lights are not just down, they are completely out. It is like a fuse has been blown.
Let's back the story up a bit for the folks who were not at the Moose Lodge on Friday night.
Nobody had a kid-free house for a poker night so I decided to hold it in my garage. You know, bring my South Side roots to the North Shore. When the forecast called for a 20 degree temperature, Oxer generously offered his well-appointed brick garage. Add in some Melchiorre space heaters and, my friends, you have Cougar Poker.
The house lights were like strobe lights in the beginning of the night. We had two electrical delays because we blew some fuses and sat in the dark for a bit. ComEd wannabes Lipinski and Melchiorre made it all 220 or 221, whatever it took.
We had nine Cougars as well as a couple players from the archenemy Hitmen. We are 0-2 against them on the dirt and hoped to slaughter them on the felt. To gain a seat at the table a bit of sartorial hazing was required for the Men of Hit.
The game started fast with Witzy and Bobis going all-in on the first hand. We hit Fifth Street and Witzy was already reaching into his pocket for a rebuy. After that, the pace slowed to a typical Cougar poker game (lots of Cougar banter, less poker playing).
That is, of course, until Martin busted out. For some reason anytime he busts out the blinds get exponentially bigger and he keeps the button moving along so the next game can start.
The first game ended with your captain and JOx chopping the pot. Moose decided to split it because he thought I might go Palin on him and he would end up field dressed.
Speaking of pot, the halftime entertainment was a giant pot of chili made by our gracious host. It was a tasty dish that hit the spot and was a precursor to the delicious homemade cupcakes by the Oxer girls.
What we love about Moose is that he can never be regular (by the way, thanks to another Hitman, Kennett, for the Moose nickname). Whether it's boots, umbrellas or rounding the bases, he always Oxerizes it.
Yes, that is a word. I submitted it to Webster a few months ago and it was accepted for the 2010 dictionary.
Oxerize (v) ahx-er-ahyz
1. to make larger or more powerful; especially by adding details to
2. to increase in size, extent, effect, etc., as by the addition of extra material; augment; enlarge; expand
3. to make Cougars giddy
Example: You don't just rent a limo; damn it, you get the largest pinkest limo on earth!
Other highlights from the night include:
- Bobis being asked by a Mrs. Oxer. "What TV star do you look like?" "You know, a cop that is on TV." The Cougars thought we were having a Tiger moment ("Hey, it's Bobis, can you take your name off your voicemail.") In the end, we determined that she was thinking of Baretta or Columbo.
- Nirvana's All Apologies was jammin' on the iTunes and Oxer says (in all seriousness) "I love Pearl Jam!" I think a few of us peed in our pants on that one.
- Speaking of iTunes, ok, I went overboard with all my GnR. I have man love for Axl.
- The cigars were a big hit, just not with wives or the washing machine the next day (tip - not a bright idea to throw cigar infested clothes in with the family's clothes).
- Rads was compared to Buttermaker of Bad News Bears fame more than one time. (See, no respect.) No beer cans in the Cougar dugout (only red cups for me - I follow Philthy's lead).
- With the liquor draining quickly, a few of us predicted Dr. Phil would mimic The Hangover and pull out a tooth to demonstrate his dental abilities.
- Overhearing that the Hitmen are "friends with benefits."
- Wilmette's favorite son, Diamond Dave Melchiorre, grooving to Eminem's Lose Yourself in his own little world for about 30 seconds before folding his hand.
- Oh yeah, by the way, your captain won the second game too.
Thanks again to the Oxer family for letting us invade the premises. I get a bit worried that I might not be invited back to the Oxer household given the grief the Radtke family gives them. The first party I was ever invited to there, my then 5 year old, Charley, called 911 from their house inviting Wilmette's finest to the house. The second party had my brother, Marc, sitting in the only chair without protective felt on the bottom of the legs resulted in a badly scratched floor. This time the only thing that went sideways was an outdoor light fixture inexplicably falling to the ground at some point. I blame my only relative in attendance, Diddy, my brother-in-law.
We are loyal to the Moose but seem to bust him out every time.
Postscript
Mark your calendars. The next poker game will be in January 2010 (we need a date and host). Practice starts in March and the first game is April 27th.
The Cougar Blog will see you on the 28th of April!
We are loyal to the Moose but seem to bust him out every time.
Postscript
Mark your calendars. The next poker game will be in January 2010 (we need a date and host). Practice starts in March and the first game is April 27th.
The Cougar Blog will see you on the 28th of April!
