Copia Capital Cougars

"I've got a guy."

C'mon, when you are in a bind, those are the words you want to hear from a buddy. The only other great phrase that saves is "I've got a tool for that."

I've got a guy.

Sweet words when you are in a tight spot.

Those of you that enjoyed last week's Know Your Cougar quiz know that the team has had spotty attendance this year leaving Captain Cougar scrambling for a full squad every game. Yesterday, I thought we were all set for our big match against the Tappers and then in the late afternoon things went sideways. I needed a guy.

I've got a guy.

Flannery let me know that if I was ever in a pickle, he knew a great person that he worked with, who lives in Wilmette and would like to give 16-inch softball a try.

I've got a guy.

I figured if Tim can pick players like he picks equities he may follow the Forbes magazine article about him and his hedge fund with a Softball Prospectus feature.

I fired off my electronic distress signal at 3:51pm. Knowing that Tim is laser focused at work and might miss the note, I also emailed Stephanie, who truly runs the shop over at Copia Capital. Nine minutes later my prayers were answered.

"Dan Bookstaber will play" is what Stephanie's message read.

Bookstaber is young, handsome, smart and athletic. The Cougars have a shallow reservoir of these traits. Bookstaber is Martin 20 years ago. Heck, he is Melchiorre 30 years ago.

The trustworthy and dependable Stephanie once again demonstrated her hustle and we now had a complete team. Even though the VIX has surged 57% in May, Copia Capital keeps cool and cares for the Cougars!

The Cougars/Tappers matchup was highly anticipated. Both teams are made up of McKenzie dads and both tend to be basement dwellers in the standings. To give the game a bit of spice, losers were buying the pizza.

Your blogger was excited because this was potentially the first game this season in which the game could actually be a topic of the recap.

The Cougars came out strong and touched the dish five times in the top of the first. We followed with a couple more in the second inning.

The Tappers followed suit and crossed home plate a few times in the middle innings. The Cougars were able to limit the runs and stop the rallies with a couple of inning-ending double plays. Melchiorre started the first key DP and the second twin killing was a beautiful Fortier - Flannery - Danielsen that got us out of a jam.

In the top of the sixth inning the Cougars led by two. You don't need to be a quant jock or a hedgie to know that is not enough cushion. Well, in the dugout, the Copia Capital boys ran a little technical analysis and determined that what was necessary in this situation was a type of hit that would enable a batter to step on all four bases.

So Bookstaber gracefully walks up to to the plate in his third at bat - ever - and proceeds to crush the ball to the right center gap and gracefully rounds every base to become tied for the top position on the Cougar all-time home run leaderboard.

Sharing the HR leaderboard honors with Bookstaber is Lipsey. Our man Lipsey hit a grand slam two years ago to fuel the Cougars to victory.

In the top of the seventh, although leading, the Cougars wanted a few more insurance runs. Lipsey, feeling like he needed some insurance not to lose his HR King status, knew he needed to come up with something special to show the new guy, (who is 20 years his junior) that the old man still has it in him. Not joking around, Pete stepped up to the plate and with every muscle in his 48.5 year body pounded the ball and whipped around the bases to cap a productive seventh inning and to retake the HR title.

In the bottom of the 7th, Bookstaber knew that unless the Tappers tied the game, he would not have a chance to show up Lipsey on offense. Instead, he decided he would show off on the other side of the ball. With one out, a line shot was hit to his left, he snatched it out of the air, turned 180 degrees and fired the ball to first base for a game ending double play.

Wearing his Cougar green Copia Capital jersey, The Stabber shows his postgame elation. He is an undefeated star!

It was a competitive, well-played and truly enjoyable game for both sides. After the game, both teams headed to the postgame to celebrate the gifts of summer and friendship. We even had a number of the Hitmen partying with us later in the night.

Even though it was a school night, it was outstanding to see so many families out at the game and the postgame. There had to be 30 adults and even more kids before they had to go to bed.

It was a great night and it will be even better next year if Josh and I can talk the park district into creating competitive and recreational divisions so that we can play each other twice a year.

The Cougars have a bye next week but plan to come out and root for the Tappers.

Here are a few of shots of last night's game.

And a few shots of the postgame.

Know Your Cougar

The Cougars lost but we had three highlights last night.

First, Flannery made an outstanding shoestring catch in right field, a position he has not played before, and followed it by doubling up the runner on first base.

Second, it is always a joy to see the table that Wolfie brings to every game in order to manage Grandpa's.

Third, we were treated to an absolutely gorgeous sky after the game.

We lost to one of the best teams in the league and once again we were short-handed. For our entire Cougar existence, we have not needed replacement players. But in the first three games this year, we have needed three different subs.

The economy is making all of us work just a bit harder to stay afloat. Well, all except Oxer who is Oxerizing it in Italy. In fact, there has not been an Oxer sighting in months. We know he is alive because Costco has not gone out of business yet. Although he lives 50 yards from Howard Park, he may need directions because he has not made one practice or game yet this year.

So to help Oxer and the rest of us get reacquainted let's play everyone's favorite game: Know Your Cougar.

Know Your Cougar

1. Which Cougar has lived in Australia, twice?
2. Which Cougar got death threats when he crossed a Teamster picket line?
3. Which Cougar gave the commencement speech for his college graduating class?
4. Which Cougar was the starting quarterback for his high school football team?
5. Which Cougar met his wife at a Tupperware party?
6. Which Cougar is a champion Pinewood Derby racer?
7. Which Cougar was a champion BMX bicycle racer as a youth?
8. Which Cougar road tripped over 300 miles in the back of a U-Haul with his fraternity brothers?
9. Which Cougar is attending the 2011 Super Bowl at Cowboys Stadium?
10. Which Cougar did not start dating until after high school?
11. Which Cougar was held up at gunpoint while working at a restaurant?
    
12. Which Cougar has run a marathon (other than Lipsey)?
13. Which Cougar has written three screenplays?
14. Which Cougar had the nickname "Bases" in high school?
15. Which Cougar currently takes heart medication?

Know Your Substitute Cougar

1. Which Substitute Cougar was on Family Feud?
2. Which Substitute Cougar was suspended in junior high for bringing weapons to school (Chinese stars)?
3. Which Substitute Cougar has played for every team in the league?

Picture That Cougar

After last week's popular retro pictorial, here are a couple bonus photo questions.

Look at the clean uniform this Cougar had back in the day.


Although it seems like it, this is not a mug shot.

Now that we know each other again, we are truly ready to start the season. Next week we play fellow McKenzie dads so it will be a great game with an even better postgame. See you next week!

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Answer Key

Know Your Cougar

1. Fortier
2. Radtke, S
   
3. Bobis
   
4. Trout
5. Hoglund
6. Lipinski
7. Radtke, M
8. Otsuka
9. Flannery
10. Danielsen
11. Melchiorre
    
12. Oxer (yes, Oxer)
    
13. Lipsey
14. Martin (it is a soccer thing, not a girl thing)
    
15. McDonnell

Know Your Substitute Cougar

1. Witz
2. Yulish
3. Jablonowski

Picture That Cougar

1. McDonnell
2. Melchiorre

Officially a Cougar

Although last night's scheduled opponent has won three straight championships, surprisingly it wasn't their reign that did us in last night. The fields were drenched and the downpour canceled our affair at Howard Park.

I thought the rainout would give me a breather from writing the blog. But the publisher called and said "Even though there isn't a game, you have to write about Cougars. People need their weekly Cougar." Thankfully, he never specified which type of Cougar.

You see, the blog's title refers to a special 40th birthday we are celebrating on Thursday. That is the day my lovely bride is served her official Cougar papers.

Her loving, caring and thoughtful family has had a month-long countdown on the kitchen chalkboard.


We had an early celebration with family on Mother's Day. Her favorite gift was Def Leppard cd's. As we will soon see, a true product of the 80's. Unta Gleeben Glouten Globen.



I thought it would be fun to share some of the favorite pics from the last 40 years. I mean, what woman doesn't want to be surprised by seeing her teenage pictures posted on the world wide web. So in honor of her four decades, here is a quick pictorial spin.

Here is baby Julie at 6 months old. Was color photography available 40 years ago?


Adorable at age 2.


Julie flashing her mom's smile.


Here is Julie and her brother, Greg. He had not reached Diddy status just yet.

Conversation heard in the Otsuka household before the picture was taken. "Honey, will you get your level and make sure their bangs are straight." The 70's - good times.



This is proof that Julie did play at least one year of soccer in 1980. After a 30 year layoff, she will be strutting her skills on May 23rd. Go McKenzie!



Roller skating was the thing to do!



Julie: "Dad, get that level away from me!"
Greg: "Bring it on! The straighter the better."




Not sure, but this may be a head shot she submitted for a John Hughes movie.



High school senior year portrait.



Ok, if we are sharing senior pictures, it is only fair that your Andrew McCarthy wannabe shares his as well. This could be a nominee for the senior year picture unintentional comedy award. Two shots in one. Check. Middle part. Check. Feathered hair. Check. A bit of a mullet. Check. White suit. Check. Matching tie. Check. Feeling like an idiot over 20 years later. Check.



Here is Julie just hours before being crowned Thornwood High School's 1988 Prom Queen.



Here is Julie gracing the campus at the University of Illinois.



Although this picture was taken in the 90's and our style moved out of the 80's, the orange carpet makes it look like the 70's.


Here is a recent family picture. Is it possible that we will we look back in 20 years and think, "What the heck were we thinking with those hairdos and clothes?!?"


Julie is very comfortable with turning 40. In fact, I think it helped when I told her, "You may be 40, but in Cougar years you are only one."

Greening the Earth

This is the season when everything starts turning green and Cougar Green just enhances the magnificent landscape. Last night, the masses that were assembled at Howard Park were immersed in Mother Earth's springtime gift. This is what we Chicagoans live for after a hard brutal winter. Our senses were treated like royalty. We had sun on our skin, cheers in our ears, and tint in our squint.

Howard Park's lilac bushes were in full bloom. The purifying scent coupled with the soft breeze made me feel like a fabric softener sheet was stuck up my nose.

The Cougars played Timeless last night and lost in 7 innings. Yes, Timeless is a new team, however, their name is a bit of a misnomer. You see, Timeless is made up of every player from Miller Time, except one - Johnny Miller. The team should be named Millerless. This team is still one of the best in the league and is always a contender for the title.

After the first two innings, we were down 10-1 and it was not looking sunny. I should not have had such a poor outlook for our team, you know, maybe things would not be as bad I as I thought.

It was like the time I was drinking a LaCroix and and left it sitting on the counter for a while. At first, I was disappointed that my drink lost all its carbonation and I was about to give up on it. But then I remembered, my effervescent drink without the fizz is simply water. Invigorating, energizing, revitalizing, life-giving water. There was hope after all!

The Cougars were left for dead in the 5th inning, just before the slaughter rule was in effect. Some Cougars must have had a water baptism in the dugout and were granted a different type of mercy because we were resurrected through line shots and hard grounders. Our bats had risen. Risen indeed.

Here are some of the highlights.

• Melchiorre pitched a walk-free game. Even more impressive because he had to fend off the strong wind and rockets hit to his knees.
• Fortier once again made a great play with an over the shoulder catch that he turned into a double play. I think only Fortier can "pull a Fortier."
• There was a ball hit far over my head in center. It was hit so far that we needed two cutoff men just to get it to home plate to nail the runner trying for a homer. Tinkers to Evers to Chance has nothing on Radtke to Fortier to Martin to Flannery.

We did have high hopes for last night's game given our near victory last week. In the end, we did lose but put up a valiant effort.

I think I know why we lost and are now 0-2. We have only practiced twice this season and unless you count hot yoga or cold shoveling, our workouts have not been demanding. In some cases, exercise did not exist. Case in point: Diddy's treadmill.

I guess what I am saying is that the Cougars spent the offseason finding new storage areas for toys in our houses and for fat on our bodies.

Trouter turned into a pig in the winter months.




Oxer demonstrates here that you are what you eat.

The economy has hit everybody hard, especially the Cougars. We already knew Melchiorre was a great pitcher but here we see him pitching for the cleanup spot.

Here is Lipinski trying to earn a few bucks by lobbying for the high fructose corn syrup business and trying to fatten the rest of the population.

And lastly, here is Diddy as Charlie Brown. A true Cougar parallel given that we also are lovable losers. Like Charlie, we also head out to the park time after time, filled with determination and hope and resolving to kick that football, or hit that home run, as the case may be.

In the end, our weekly Lucy always pulls the football away and we head to the postgame. Like ol' Chuck, we sit around and make sarcastic jibes to lament our ridiculous actions and bad luck.

There is an upside to our weekly Tuesday gatherings. We learn such gripping answers such as, "does Dave drink from a bottle or a cup?"

Following up on last week's ridiculous bionic woman discussion, we learned last night that when one checks into a hotel room, especially the seedy ones, always look under the bed for a bag of porn and in the Bible for a wad of cash (contributor will remain nameless). Finally, it was decided that the Financial Times is downright the best damn newspaper on Earth.

So another great night ends just before Wednesday morning strikes and now we have only seven days until Cougar Green meets Keefe Orange.